Part 2: The Importance of Teaching Character to Your Children

      10    Compelling Reasons 

      (Reasons 1-4 this week)

1. When we teach our children what character qualities are, we are teaching them to understand Jesus better.  Jesus is our perfect example of every character quality. Consider His:

·         hospitality in the feeding of the 5000,

·         self-control in the Garden of Gethsemanae,

·         meekness before Pilate, his determination as he set his face steadfastly to go to Jerusalem knowing what awaited him there,

·         flexibility as he was stopped by the woman with the issue of blood who touched him and was healed,

·         orderliness in dividing the crowd up in groups of 100’s and 50’s as he instructed his disciples to feed them before sending them home,

·         boldness in confronting the Pharisees,

·         availability to bless the children when they came to him,

We could continue on and find recorded events in Scripture when Jesus is the perfect example of all the character qualities (that would be a great study!)

I recently heard a sermon by a Pastor Davis who taught his congregation on character and at the end of the sermon read the passage of Jesus feeding the 5000. He asked children 12 years old and younger to raise their hands and tell what character qualities they could see from the lives of either Jesus or his disciples in this passage. The kids came up with 13 different character qualities in just this one passage of Scripture. What a great idea for family devotions!!! The first step in teaching your children to be boys and girls of character is to teach them simple definitions for each character quality and a verse from Scripture for each. After they understand what it means, you can then design projects to help them internalize it into their everyday lives.  Kids of Character study and flashcards is a tool we designed to help you do just that with your children. 

2. The second reason to study character is to understand why trials come into our lives. God is using our trials for a purpose- to conform us to the image of Jesus Christ. A wise man once said, “Our trials are custom-made” for each of us. When we learn to properly respond to our trials, we get grace from God and develop in our lives more of the positive character quality. When we respond negatively, we see more of the negative character trait grow in our lives.

3. The third reason to teach our kids character is help them get the guidance they need for everyday life.  Prov. 11:3 says the integrity of the upright will guide them. When your child learns to respond with the character of Christ, he will receive the guidance he needs in everyday life. When he chooses to be truthful, more truthfulness will be built into his life. If he chooses not to be truthful, deceptiveness will grow in his life. When we respond to life’s situations with godly character, we will be receptive to God’s will for our lives

4. We should guide our children in studying character so they may experience the blessings of God. Psalm 18:20 says “ The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath He recompensed me.”

When your child learns to choose truthfulness, he will receive the blessings of truthfulness. When he chooses responsibility he will receive the blessings of being responsible, when he chooses joyfulness, others will enjoy being around him, etc.

We'll cover more reasons next week!

~Marilyn

Part 1: The Importance of Teaching Character to Your Children

Praising Character

Why is it we so often forget to praise our children?  As parents we are responsible to steer them in the right direction and because of that we tend to focus on the negative. Sometimes our kids get the impression that we are not easy to please. Praise is a huge motivator and we need to remember to be lavish with our praise for our children.

Why is it when we do think to praise our children we tend to praise them for the wrong things? Think about it- we tend to praise others for achievement, accomplishments, knowledge, position, physical strength or physical looks. When we do that it tends to create in our kids- pride, vanity, jealousy and contention and strife.

Instead, we should praise our children for their character. When we praise them for their diligence for instance, it inspires them to be more diligent. When we praise them for their initiative, they begin looking for more ways to meet the needs of others without even being asked. When we praise them for their responsibility, they step up and feel the inner satisfaction in working hard to fulfill their given chores. In order for our children to work on implementing character in their lives, they need to understand what character is.

In essence, the study of character is the study of our God. Character qualities are just the character reflected to us in the life of our Savior. When we teach character to our kids we are helping them to be more like Jesus which is the very reason we were created.

Phillipians 3:10 says “That I may know Him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death.” We learn character that we may better know our God.

Remember as you prepare for the upcoming school year to plan and prepare to teach character to your children. It’s the most important subject you will ever teach. In the next couple of weeks, I am going to share with you several reasons I have made it my priority in the home education of my children.

~Marilyn

A Few Thoughts on Life with Toddlers....

I had always heard, “Watch out for those terrible two’s”. I really don’t think it has anything to do with being two – sometimes it’s being three. But it doesn’t have to be terrible. It’s just another “season” and as always, each toddler handles it differently according to their God-given personality and how you handle it. Some children are very sensitive and respond to “no” by crying. Others are headstrong and test the limits. You and your husband need to get your heads together (over a steak dinner, of course) and set a few but simple rules of behavior. Don’t expect your child to automatically know what you expect. I remember Carrie, at about a year old, couldn’t talk very well yet, and would want to communicate with me, but couldn’t get her point across, so she would scream. This “season” didn’t last terribly long, but I tried to put myself in her shoes. She was number eight in the lineup, it was hard to get a word in edgewise, and she had trouble mustering up the words anyway. I would try to ask her what the problem was and remedy the situation, but it wasn’t always easy. Neither would it have been right to just spank her and expect quietness. She had a frustration and couldn’t express it so she had to be taught how to properly express it. It was just a blip in her training. 

The main thing to remember is to deal with your children reasonably and with understanding, as you would want God to deal with you.

Then there’s Laura, a little bundle of energy (my only child who loved the wind in her face as an infant). She was constantly on the go and making noise. She threw herself into life and made the most of it – loudly. (Her brother coined a special nickname for her: “Mouthy.”) I have memories of her as a 15-month old, as I was trying to do school with the others, sitting in the middle of the kitchen table delightedly taking caps off markers and flinging them wildly in every direction. She didn’t need a spanking, just loving re-direction.

Life with a toddler doesn’t always flow smoothly, but neither does it need to be a constant battle of wills. Stop, pray, ask God for wisdom, try to put yourself in your child’s shoes, and then correct them. Realize that firmness doesn’t mean meanness. The creativity of God is available for the asking.

As a parent, don’t let your emotions go unbridled. Go to God first, get your emotions right, and then correct your child. Learn to distinguish childishness from disobedience. There is a difference. Don’t expect your toddler to act like an adult. Remember not to react as a toddler might, but ask God to guide your correction.

Potty training doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be a big deal. There comes a time in each toddler’s life when they’re ready, really ready, and if you can be patient and let it occur naturally, it won’t be a big deal. Society tends to put pressure on us to have our kids potty trained, and young moms will get together and compare notes on what age little Tommy and Susie were potty trained. My kids were late, compared to others, and each one was different from the next, but somewhere between two and four years old they were potty trained. I’ve found usually when children are trained early, it’s more mom being trained to run them to the potty every fifteen minutes than anything else. I didn’t have time or interest for that. Training my kids in God’s Word was a priority, not using the potty.

When interest came up, I’d show them how, and sometimes give small rewards for using the potty, but I never pressured them or shamed them when they had an accident. When they’re a little older, they can wait longer periods of time, and you won’t have the problem of having to stop at every public toilet in town. When they’re staying dry all night and interested in trying, then begin training, but if you find they’re just not catching on, big deal. It’s easier to change diapers than having accidents to clean up all over the house and car.

I never had much of a problem with bed wetters by waiting until they were a little older. Often, when a child feels pressure to use the potty and shame or disappointment at accidents, they’ll get over-cautious about it and focus on it too much and be afraid of failing. Let them be free to learn in God’s timing.

Just relax. If they have trouble with wetting the bed, use diapers just at night – it’s usually the deep sleepers that can’t wake up soon enough, but it will come. It’s no big deal. Don’t make them think it is.

At one point, I had three kids in diapers for a few months, but they all learn, and it’s just not important what age they are when physically and mentally it clicks and underpants can be bought. That’s often an incentive in itself. Also, younger kids will often want to wear big boy pants like big brother does!

Actually, the toddler stage is quite delightful. We get so many laughs and so many of our funny family stories from the toddler years. As you try to guide your toddler in right behavior, think how we must appear to God at times and learn from it. Hold those toddlers a lot. Learn what delights them and be a part of it. Take time to hold that toad, pick a flower, do a leaf rubbing, take a walk in the woods. Toddlers are delighted by their world. Capitalize on their interests and teach them truths about God. Start teaching them scripture. Read to them a lot. I remember reading one child’s book over eighteen times in one sitting to my firstborn. Say no to lesser things and spend time with your toddler. Let him know you delight in him and love being with him.

It has been said that much of a child’s character is formed by the time he reaches five years of age. Moses’ mother, during the time until she weaned him (about four or five years) had managed to build in him a love for God and sense of destiny for his life.

The toddler years are building-block years of training and teaching. Don’t let your time be squandered away.   

~Marilyn

taken from Parenting from the Heart

We're linked up to: Women Living Well & Raising Homemakers

Age Appropriate Chores

It is during the summer months that I assign chores to each of the kids and train them how to properly do their chores. They then keep those chores during the next "school" year so it flows more smoothly by having the chore training done before the usual busyness and readjusting that comes with a new school year. 


Initially, I just made a list of all the chores that needed to be done in our home. Every summer then, I evaluate who is best equipped to do which chores, (based on age and maturity) some of which I reserve for myself depending on the maturity levels of the kids at the time. I then do the chores with each child to explain how I want it done. Kids don't just automatically know what you expect of them, so we do it together for a few times until I feel they understand how to do it properly. Then after they begin doing it on their own, I will check up on how it's been done. Maybe I missed explaining an important piece of information, so if it's not done right, I have them watch me one more time. Inspections need to be done on a regular basis though, and sometimes I may need to call them back to complete it thoroughly. If you end up having to interrupt them when they are doing something fun in their free time to come back and do it correctly, they will learn to do it right the first time!

 I have been asked by moms to share with you my list of chores. I will give a rough idea of what ages are able to do which chores, but that is very dependent on each individual child, so you will have to evaluate that separately for each child. Note that any child can do the chores that younger kids can do, so don't hold to the age suggested very tightly.

Another tip: Often the older kids can help train the younger. When Nate and Josh had the job of cleaning the bathrooms, I told them if they could train Matt and Emily to do it properly, next year it would Matt and Emily's job. They were very motivated to train them correctly!!


Here's our list to help you out based on some of the needs we have had over the years. Your's will be unique to your situation. 


~Marilyn
Chores 2-5 year olds can do:

wall washing
cleaning base boards
cleaning door knobs
feed animals
dusting louvered doors with feather duster
clean leather furniture with leather wipes

Chores for 6 years and older

dusting
vacuuming
sweeping
mopping
wipe table and counters
wash dishes or load dishwasher
dry dishes of unload dishwasher and put away
empty trash
organize bookcases
clean up after the dog
clean cobwebs
vacuum furniture
dust blinds
wash windows
clean fireplace doors
organize telephone book drawer
straighten cabinets
straighten linen closet
fold laundry- put away
pick up yard
upkeep of flower beds- pick dead heads off flowers, water, weed, etc
clean car

8 years and up

clean car
mow
clean shed
clean ashes out of wood stove
bring wood to wood pile
bake bread
make breakfast muffins
make lunch
plan meals
watch baby while you are busy in the house
do fun projects with little ones

When Siblings Don't Get Along: Part 2- Applying God's Word

God has created the family to be the training ground for children. Since we are all born with a sin nature, righteous behavior doesn’t come naturally. Therefore, it is our primary job as parents to train our kids to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, and mind. That awesome job requires intentional time put into training them to look to Scripture as the practical guidebook for their lives that supplies them with principles to follow and answers to every dilemma they will face.

Of all the things we teach our children, the most crucial of all is how to find answers to everyday situations in life and learn to make wise choices. Many of us are still trying to learn this ourselves. I’ve found as I spend time teaching my children the application of God’s Word, I am learning it myself!

In my 36 years of child training I have gone to Scripture to find out what it says about teasing, mocking, anger, slothfulness, rudeness, etc. in order to be able to share this with my children. When our children have trouble getting along, which they will, it is actually God’s direction for US to search out insight from Scripture and spend time diligently teaching this to our kids. (BTW, our new character/Bible studies are a result of my years of looking up these Scriptures to teach them to my children. Kids of Character teaches 45 character qualities in simple to understand language and leads the child in searching out what God has to say about them. Growing in Wisdom is from my list of offenses- anger, teasing, mocking etc and leading the children in a study from God’s Word of not only the negative trait, but the corresponding positive as well. The flashcards reinforce the verses to be learned. After sharing with parents for years how we went about it in our family, I finally took the time to get it into a form you and your kids can benefit from without having to dig it all out yourself.)

Let me give you a couple of examples:

Your children are speaking to each other in angry tones. You come in to the situation. Who knows who started it?? No one will ever admit to that. Actually, it really doesn’t matter. They are both making the wrong choice. Proverbs 15:1 teaches us: “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Both children need to learn how to deal with the anger of another. It never solves the problem to snap angrily back at another. Instead, one person needs to apply God’s solution to the situation and then watch God work. God honors his principles. Try giving a soft answer. You will soon see the anger of the other person begin to subside. (If one child is constantly antagonizing the other, then that is another issue that needs to be dealt with.)

As you attempt to lead your children, watch for patterns to emerge. If one child often struggles in a certain area, then that is God’s direction for you to concentrate on teaching them what God’s Word has to say about that sin. We always used the struggles of our child as direction of what Scriptures they needed to be learning. God’s Word never returns void, but if you see a constant battle in your child’s life, that needs to be the focus for their Scripture memory. It is ultimately God’s Word that will change their attitude as they learn to exchange their thoughts for God’s thoughts! (Isaiah 55: 8) 

(As you teach your children, if you choose to use our studies, don’t feel like you have to start at page 1 and work through it. If your kids are battling with teasing, begin there. Let conflicts in your home direct your teaching of God’s Word to your children.)

Head knowledge puffeth up. The mind learns information, but we need to move that information to the heart, by practical application, and you as the parent make it your goal to walk your child through their struggles. Show them how the wrong response produces wrong responses in others as well and how God honors and rewards one who chooses to make the wise choices in life. Prepare for an adventure, because it’s a lifestyle we’re talking about. As you lead your child to apply God’s wisdom to his everyday life, God will also reveal sin patterns in your own life that need the application of God’s Word as well.  

I was reading a book by George Barna recently on Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions. He claims from his study that “by the age of 13, your spiritual identity is largely set in place.” He advises parents to maximize their influence to train their children in the Scriptures while the child is young. He says, “If you connect with children today, effectively teaching them Biblical principles and foundations from the start, then you will see the fruit of that effort blossom for decades to come. The more diligent we are in these efforts, the more prodigious a harvest we will reap. Alternatively, the more lackadaisical we choose to be in our efforts to raise up children as moral and spiritual champions, the less healthy the Church and society of the future will be. The choice is yours.”

~Marilyn

Cultivating a Servant's Heart in Our Children: Part 2

Serving Begins in the Family

God has ordained the family to be the basic training ground for our children to learn to become people God can use. It is our job to guide our children in character and to then create service projects to help them apply what they have been learning to their daily lives.

As a young mom, I guess I was kind of forced into this way of thinking. I had my first child at age 20 (he was actually born on my 20^th birthday). Our other children then came about 18 months apart and then up to two years apart. Consequently, I was a young mom with many little guys and an acute sense of responsibility to train my little ones to serve the God I had recently given my life to at the age of 16.

Having so much responsibility and no family nearby, I needed to train the kids from an early age to chip in and learn to do their part. I remember having my oldest two, Rick and Tim, up at the sink learning to dry dishes when they were 3 and 5 years old. It would have been easier and quicker I suppose to just do it myself and send them off to play, but I felt it was important for them to learn to be responsible. Looking back, I am very glad that I took the extra time to teach them how to do a job responsibly. They were part of our family and I would let them know they were needed and appreciated for their efforts. We used to tell them work can be fun and some days they believed it. More importantly though, they began to learn that God had a job for them to do and they were on this earth to serve God although at this stage of their life, their serving God came mainly through serving their family members. Our children need to learn to do all the functions we ourselves perform in a family context to someday be a successful parent themselves. Therefore, instead of just letting our kids play ALL the time, we taught them to help out with the needs of the large family, making sure we had playtime scheduled in for them as well. Our adult children are now VERY thankful that they learned to have a work ethic rather than just growing up being pleasure seekers. It has shaped the way they now live their adult lives.

As they grew though, we began to branch out and provide opportunities for the boys to begin to serve others beyond our family circle. When we would open our home to guests, as we often did, we began to teach the children to defer to the guests. We would have the children begin to serve the guests at the meal and clear the dishes, etc. If the guests had children, we would “assign” each one of our children to one of the guest’s children for the purpose of making sure that child’s needs were met, that he or she were not excluded, or belittled, etc. They would be responsible for trying to make that child feel special. They were to defer to the other child’s preferences in which game to play or what color plate they wanted. That way, instead of just thinking, “Oh, good, we’re going to have fun tonight, they would be focused on making sure the other child had fun instead.”

Philippians 2: 5-6 “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, …”

Here are some other verses to consider and teach your children on this subject:

John 15: 12-14, Galatians 5:13, Luke 22:24-27, Colossians 3

More next week!

~Marilyn

Cultivating a Servant's Heart in Our Children: Part 1

One of our priorities in training our children was to try to teach them to be others-focused, or in other words, to build within them a heart of service. This doesn’t come naturally. We are all more attentive to our own needs naturally. We need to train our children to stop and intentionally think about what another person is going through and what we might do to help them out.

Perhaps one of the earliest tools we created to teach them this principle was what we called the

Head to Foot Bible Verse Board. Our first one for our son Rickey was made from a crude piece of plywood on which we laid him down and traced his outline. As time went on, and resources increased, we took a picture of our child, had it blown upto poster size, cut them out of the picture and attached their picture to a poster sized piece of paper. I then looked up verses of how to use the various parts of their bodies for the Lord and attached these verses to the same paper the picture was attached to. The idea behind this was to illustrate Romans 12:1 (“ I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy , acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”) which we wrote on the top of the sheet of paper, explaining how our bodies are a temple of God to be consecrated for His purposes. We then placed it in a poster sized frame and hung it in their bedroom. Each night before bed or nap time, I would let the child choose a different part of the body and we would review the verse associated with it.

For instance:

KNEE- Ephesians 3:14 “For this cause, I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

EYE- Proverbs 4:25 “Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.” (Here is a reminder to control what we look at and to use our eyes to honor the Lord and His ways and not to be distracted with things of the world. )

HAND- Proverbs 10:4 “He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.” (Hence an admonition to be diligent in all that we do for God’s glory)

FEET- Proverbs 4:27 or Ephesians 6:15

(FREE Download of the entire list of Head to Foot Bible Verses for a Limited Time!)

The idea behind this was to instruct our child that they were not here to make it a goal to amuse or please themselves necessarily, but to submit their body to God’s purposes and His ways.

I Peter 5:5 in one version of the Bible instructs us to wear the overalls of humility in serving one another. For this reason, I always took their picture while they were wearing overalls and told them this was to be their attitude to others- to put on their overalls of humility and defer to the other person’s wishes whenever possible.

It was just a baby step in teaching them to have a heart of service.

More next week!

~Marilyn

Part 3: Advice to Fathers

The Father’s Role in Home Education Function #2: The Disciplinarian

by Rick Boyer Published in the Teaching Home magazine, March/April 1997

More important than academics is the training and discipling of our children to love and follow the Lord God and His Word. Children must be trained and disciplined in order for them to be teachable.

As I search the Scriptures, I find it inescapable that the primary responsibility for child discipline rests with the father.

“For what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?” (Hebrews 12:7b).

Self-control, which is the goal of discipline in the Christian home, is not produced by correction alone. For a dad to be a successful disciplinarian, his relationship with his children must be far more.

Lifestyle. Dad must cultivate a lifestyle in the home that is conducive to learning discipline. A home that operates on a schedule, rather than haphazardly, and that is kept orderly and in good repair demonstrates responsibility and serves as a good example to children.

Attitude. Most importantly, Dad must provide an example of attitude. If Dad throws tantrums when disappointments come, his efforts to teach his children not to do the same will fail.

Even if Dad can force outward obedience, his children’s inward response will be frustration and bitterness. This means he will have to confess when he does wrong and show his children that he expects the same of himself as he does of them.

Training. Dad must also give his children positive training. There is a place for correction, but it comes after a child has been taught clear rules for behavior.

It wounds the spirit of a child to hold him accountable for doing the right thing when he does not know what the right thing is.

Marilyn and I learned this lesson years ago when she came home from a frazzling shopping trip. We made a trip back to the supermarket just to train the children in shopping decorum.

Before going into the store, we set some simple rules: Stay close to Mommy; don’t touch without asking; use quiet voices; don’t stand in front of the cart. Then Marilyn cruised the aisles while I walked behind and gave needed reminders. Next time Marilyn took the children shopping, she had a much easier time.

Correction. When correction is needed, it should never be given in anger; spanking should always be done with a rod and not the hand. And don’t think that spanking is the only form of correction. Denial of privileges and other consequences often work wonders.

Remember, though, if you do spank, don’t do it with your tongue. Appeal to your child’s conscience, reason with him when appropriate, but don’t give tongue lashings. They cut deeper than the stripes of a switch. Some such wounds never heal.

Positive Relationship. A positive relationship with your child is the first step in effective discipline. I pray for help in communicating to my children that I like them as well as love them.

I want my children to know that I am training them for their benefit, not so they won’t embarrass me with their failures. I want to spend more time praising them than criticizing them. I don’t want them to give up on doing right because nothing they do is good enough to please me.

I’m so thankful God gave me my children. Do they know that?

Spiritual Battle. Finally, Dad needs to realize that child discipline is a spiritual battle. The specialist in rebellion is still around, seeking who he may devour and making them rebels too. Discipline is not behavior modification. It is daily seeking the face of God in prayer on behalf of our children.

Making the Most of our Time

I love the verse, “Teach us to number our days that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom”. (Psalm 90:12)

I’m sharing with you something the Lord has been impressing on me recently. I am a person who lives by my lists. I write down things I need to get accomplished each day and delight in crossing items off my list as I complete the tasks.

Contemplating the end of summer drawing near, I was struck with how I don’t feel ready for it to end. There is so much I wanted to do, that I haven’t gotten done with the busyness of life. Things like cleaning and organizing projects, like special days with the grandkids, like fun stuff with Kelley and Kasey- things we don’t seem to get to do during the school year, family day trips to historical places, etc.

And yet, I’ve crossed a lot of things off my list. The Lord seemed to prick my conscience causing me think, “Yes, I’ve crossed a lot off my list, but what have I accomplished for eternity? What really counts? Am I just crossing off items on my list and feeling a false sense of accomplishment or am I making the most of every day and every opportunity to be used of God in the little things?”

For instance, we’ve had a lot of functions this summer- friends showers, weddings, anniversaries, etc. Yes, a lot are crossed off my list, but did I find someone to impact while I attended those things? When at church, did I just sit there or did I find someone to encourage? Am I just crossing off the lists in my life or am I making a difference in God’s scheme of eternity?

I am trying to teach this to my kids as well. Recently Kasey (my 11 yr. old) and I were talking and I encouraged her to have a ministry. There is an older couple in church who we’ve had into our home. He is Vietnam war vet. Kasey is very patriotic and interested in the brave men who’ve fought to secure our freedoms. I was explaining to her how a simple hug can go a long way. She has made it her goal now to seek this couple out in church and give them hugs, cookies, notes, etc.- simple acts of kindness. They absolutely LOVE her and she is able to brighten their lives just by reaching out in small ways. She recently told me when she is a lady and has kids she wants to name her son after this special man. She’s beginning to catch the vision of living a life of service and also reaping the blessings of being people who intentionally look for ways to serve others.

It’s all about our focus. We are here to advance God’s purposes in the lives of those he places us in contact with. Instead of just fulfilling our responsibilities and crossing them off the list, I need to remember to make the most of my time- to speak vision into the lives of the people God has cross my path. We are here to make a difference for eternity- to advance His kingdom and His purposes in our little corner of the world. As we focus on this we will raise kids of vision with driven purpose who sense our time is short and who long to one day hear, “Well done” when we enter into the presence of our Lord. So, as you plan for the school year which is fast approaching, remember you serve our mighty God as you pour yourself into those little lives entrusted to you. You have the most important job on earth!

Savor the Season...by Rick Boyer

If anybody ever invents a time machine, I want the first one off the assembly line. I’ll have a thousand things I want to do. I’ll explore history and find out what really happened on a number of occasions. I’ll return to my childhood and try to make peace with some of the hard things that happened to me, and also revisit the happier times at Granddad’s farm with my cousins. But the very first thing I’ll do when I get behind the wheel of that time machine is to go back to when my children were little.

Oh, what I’d give to see my grown sons as little boys again! I used to get bored sometimes with pulling them in the wagon or pushing them on the swings, but I’d give a quart of blood to be able to do it one more time. I don’t think now I could ever tire of it. To carry them on my shoulders again; to tickle them until they screamed. And ah, the luxury of having nobody in the house who knew that Dad wasn’t perfect (that is, except Mom). To be able to hug and kiss my boys without embarrassing them. I appreciated what I had back then. But now I know I should have appreciated it more.

Back in my beloved house painting days, I was working on a big house for a nice old widow named Mrs. Holt. It was the summer of 1979 and I was sweating away in the sun when my wife dropped by the job on her way home from a prenatal visit to the doctor. I climbed down off my ladder to hear the news. Marilyn was due to deliver soon and I wondered what the doctor had said.

“He said I’d better hurry up and get home,” she told me. “Said it could come any time.”

We were planning our second home birth. Marilyn had been treated so callously at the hospital when Tim was born that I vowed I’d never take her there to give birth again. So, third son Nathan was born at home, much to the shock of our neighbor, Sandy, across the street. I’d walked across to tell her the news that the baby had come and she didn’t believe it. I wouldn’t be that calm, she said. She’d come over in a few minutes and see for herself.

I wish I’d had my camera ready. I’d love to have a shot of Sandy’s face when Marilyn first threw the covers back and showed tiny Nate beside her.

When Marilyn had driven away from the job that summer day, she’d agreed to call me immediately if ‘Number Four’ gave her any strange sensations before my regular time to arrive home. Mrs. Holt stopped to chat with me a few minutes later. When I told her it looked like a new little one would be along soon, she smiled.

“You’re a rich man, Mr. Boyer,” she said warmly.

And I was. And I am. But it’s striking how often I forget and have to be reminded that I really am wealthy. Sometimes, I feel sort of poor. I’ve long suspected that whoever said that the best things in life are free never paid an obstetrician’s bill.

In the early days of our parenthood, it sometimes seemed that life would go on forever as it was going then. We’d never have any money, we’d never have a child old enough to babysit the siblings, we’d never have air conditioning in the house or own a dependable car. I was so tense as a young man that I made life harder for myself and for those I loved. I let the stresses of life rob me of a lot. Ben Franklin was right when he said that there’s “no putting an old man’s head on a young man’s shoulders.” Still, I’m irritated with myself for letting seasons go by without fully tasting the days.

I’ve heard Marilyn say that life was tougher when she had three children than it was with eight, because when she had only three, there were no big helpers. Two were in diapers, and first-born Rickey was a little fireball. Now, our youngest is almost a teenager and we have young adults in the house who pretty much run the home operation for us. We are also blessed with some wonderful children-in-law and grandchildren, but the extra needs of the family are felt, too. It takes a tremendous expenditure of time, finances and effort to do what we do.

But by now we know that it won’t always be this way. We’ve had better times and worse times and probably both kinds will visit us again. All we know for sure is that everything that comes to pass, passes.

And a lot has passed. Baby Nate now is a big man with a wife and children of his own. He had a younger brother who was also born in the little yellow house. We named him Josh, and we lost him to heaven through leukemia seventeen years later. And today we have fourteen children, four children-in-law and eight wonderful grandchildren. And we’ve lived long enough to know that everybody’s grandchildren are wonderful.

I may be weird, but I sometimes think about the day I’ll die. If I’m conscious, I’ll have a lot to reflect upon. I think I’ll be happy to go, because I want to see Jesus. And I want to see Josh. It will be sweet. But before I go, I’ll be thinking about the sweet times I’ve had down here and giving thanks.

There must be very few people on earth who are as rich as I am. That is, if riches are to be measured by how many people you love and who love you in return. On my last day on earth, I will be counting my wealth in terms of memories. I will remember sunny days with a propane grill and a back yard full of happy people, all of my own blood. I’ll remember watching my children dance around the kitchen to lively Christmas music with their nieces and nephews. I’ll remember pushing my kids on the swing and in later years, watching them push their kids. I’ll remember tubing down a mountain river with my children and grandchildren around me in a jolly flotilla.

Bill Gates, eat your heart out.

If you’re a young parent with young children, your life isn’t easy. That’s why God gives you those responsibilities while you have the energy of youth with which to handle it all. If you don’t mind a friendly word of advice from a guy who has spent the last few decades trading energy for experience, I’d ask you to stop and smell the roses. They’re right there in front of you—in your preschooler’s cheeks. Beware of the tendency to get wrapped up in getting everything done; it will never be all done. This season of your life, like every season of life, will pass before you know it. Savor it while it’s here. Turn off the vacuum cleaner for a minute and go hug your kids.

~Rick

Preschoolers: Shaping Little Hearts- Part 1

I have eight boys and six girls, and we’ve been homeschooling for over 30 years now. I figured out that when I’m finished homeschooling my six-year-old we’ll have been doing this for thirty-six years…maybe by then we’ll know what we’re doing!

When I started homeschooling, my oldest was in kindergarten, I had two preschool children, an infant, and I was pregnant with number five. (Incidentally, I figured out that I’ve been pregnant for eleven years!) I’ve always had one or two toddlers and a baby until now—now my “baby” is six! It’s definitely a challenge; I know what you guys are going through. And some children are more of a challenge than others. My twenty-year-old, Laura, was a very hyperactive child. I have a picture of her sitting at the kitchen table during school time with markers she was supposed to be coloring with; she was tearing the lids off and throwing the markers all over the kitchen! Yes, some are more challenging than others. And yet you’ll see that those challenging kids will be the ones with people skills when they’re older, so God is working it all together into great and mighty things.

I’ve found out that the way I handle my toddlers and babies determines the degree of success I will achieve in homeschooling. They definitely require a major time involvement. If you have taught your kids to be self-directed learners, once they get to high school it will really be a piece of cake. For my older kids I feel like I’m their coach: I assign the schoolwork, they do it, and come to me with problems. This is why the colleges are working to attract home-educated kids—because they know how to work alone, and they are self-directed learners. But tt’s the tough part you’re in right now. I tell people it was hardest for me when I had three or four little guys, because I had to do all the housecleaning, cooking, laundry, and the teaching—everything—you’re doing everything. And you think you’re going to be there forever. It’s hard to see beyond where you are now and see how much it will change a few years from now. Let me tell you from experience that time goes by so fast, and it really helps when your kids get a little bit of age on them. Right now I hardly ever handle cooking—one daughter does supper, one does lunch, and we always have plenty of kids who want to bake and make sweets!

Each day of the week my kids have a different chore assigned to them. I don’t do very many of the house chores anymore either! I do teach them how to do a particular job, make sure they do it, and stay while they’re learning. So things will change—hang in there! You’re at the toughest part now. I’m going to share some of the things I’ve learned over the years.

Build a Heart for the Things of the Lord

I emphasize this because you’re probably thinking about academics: what math program should I use? What do I need to teach my kids? What do they need to know? But the very most important thing you can do with your kids is point them to Jesus. It has been said that a child’s first five years go a long way in determining their direction in life. Even in Scripture, Moses was taught by his own mother until weaning age, which, back then, was between ages four and five; and yet he had a sense of destiny—he knew he needed to lead his people. When I started out, I had the wrong focus. I was going to build a superkid. At the time we lived in a trailer, and Ricky was about eighteen months old. I had ABC’s plastered all over the walls, and so he learned his ABC’s at a really young age. But about that time I attended a Sunday school class that changed the focus for my whole life, and my family’s life. The teacher talked about internalizing Scripture—taking the truths in Scripture and using them to change our lives so that we become more like Jesus. And that totally changed my focus. I wanted to teach my little boy how to internalize Scripture and make it a practical part of his everyday life. We’ve found that if you will do that in the early years—if you will focus on Scripture and teach your children God’s word—when you get to academics later it comes so much more easily, because Scripture is a purifier. With Scripture internalized, teaching them their ABC’s and their numbers will come much more easily. With this goal in mind we saturated our home with Scripture.

One of the things we created was a Jesus plaque. It shows a photo of one of my children with Jesus’ hands around them. Each of my children has made one of these, and we hang it by their bed. The last thing they see before going to sleep at night is a visual picture that Jesus loves them and cares about them. I have a dear friend, who is now in heaven, who wrote this song to the tune of Jesus Loves Me. My children sang that every night, looking at their Jesus plaque. The words go like this:

I am special, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

God knew me before my birth and planned each day of my life on earth.

I am wonderfully made; I am fashioned by God’s hand unto good works throughout the land.

For in Him I’ll learn to be always prepared, especially for me

Even though I make mistakes, God forgives for His name’s sake.

He helps me to be kind and good and do the things I know I should.

I am precious in God’s sight, and in Him my soul delights.

He loves me and died for me that I might live eternally.

When Carrie and Christa were little, we sang this song and inserted their names: “Even though Carrie makes mistakes.” When Carrie got to that part she would say, “Even though Sissy makes mistakes”—she didn’t want to put her own name there!

Build A Proper Fear of the Lord

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. We teach our kids the verse, “Thou God seest me.” We ask them, “if you were in a dark, dark closet, and you couldn’t see anyone, and no one could see you, is there someone who would know what you’re doing? We tell them, “God sees all that you do, and He knows what you’re thinking, and greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world.” We teach our kids that God will give them the power to do right. His power is available for their asking. Even if Mom and Dad aren’t right with them, God is there, and He will help them to do what’s right.

Teach your little ones the Ten Commandments early. Our Ten Commandments are under attack in our country. We have them posted in our house, and we teach them to our children. There’s a very neat tape put out by Thy Word Productions with a song of the Ten Commandments and a coloring book the kids can personalize. Your little ones, two and three years old, can walk around the house singing the Ten Commandments. Don’t underestimate what little guys can learn!

We created something called a head-to-foot Bible verse. In Romans 12:1-2 it says that we are to give our bodies as a spiritual sacrifice unto God. I looked up verses in Scripture about how to use your body, from head to foot, for Jesus. We enlarged a picture of each child to life-size, put it on a board, and put these verses around it. We used that every day to teach our two-, three-, four-, five- or six-year-old Scriptures. We would say, “What verse would you like to do today?” And they would choose their ears, or their eyes for the verse they wanted to learn. Most of our Scriptures are in the King James Version, but we found this wonderful verse in another translation that says, “Defer to one another and wear the overalls of humility.” So we always took their picture for this project in overalls! (this project can be found in Hands-On Character Building)

~more to come next week

this is excerpted from Home Educating with Babies and Toddlers and Loving it

Quiet Times

Our children are about 18 months to 2 years apart. That means when our oldest was still 5 years old, our fourth child was born! It may have been to retain my sanity that I first started the practice of "quiet time". Of course, I tried to get all 4 boys on the same nap schedule in the afternoon, but when it came to point when some of them were ready to give up napping, I changed the name to Quiet Time. It was during this 2 hr period in the afternoon that all the children would go to their beds, whether they napped or not and have quiet time.

The babies and toddlers, of course napped while listening to their Bible tapes.
The older children (we continued this practice until they reached the age of about 12 years old) would be required to do their devotions during this time and then they would be free to read or quietly play on their beds. (a good question about Quiet Times from a mom to Marilyn)

I found it to be very beneficial to all the children to have a rest time in the middle of their busy day to settle down and be still. Beyond that, we made profitable use of that time. For my children who didn't nap, but couldn't read yet, Uncle Rick Reads the Proverbs and later Uncle Rick Reads the Psalms and Matthew would be their devotional time. Children need to learn the discipline early of spending daily time in God's Word. We found that our children committed LOTS of Scripture to memory with out any effort on their part or ours just by this listening time. They also learned a Biblical frame of reference as the Bible was such a consistent factor in their daily lives. It has been a benefit to them even as adults.

After about 1/2 hr or 1 hr of listening to Bible, they could listen to other educational CD's.....
The goal is to provide QUALITY educational reading/audio material. Even when a child is quietly playing with legos or paper dolls on their bed, they are assimilating valuable information which will help build in them character or godliness. We constantly evaluate what our children are reading or listening to and try to make wise choices.

Hope that helps you in your planning. I know I NEEDED that time for refreshment myself. The QUIET was a huge blessing to me as well as to the children.

~Marilyn

Delight in Your Children: The Key to Their Hearts

Homeschooling is all about relationships. It’s about math and reading and sentence diagramming and geography and all those things too, but all these things amount to nothing in God’s eyes if we don’t raise children of character ready to tackle big enterprises for the Lord. If you sometimes feel like homeschooling or parenting is drudgery, you can bet your kids feel the same way. It’s such a temptation to stress out over things like teaching predicate nominatives or the steps of division that we forget to delight in our children and make time to enjoy being with them.
We have found through our now 35 years of parenting and 30 years of home schooling that this is actually the key to instilling values that stick and building in your kids a heart for things of the Lord. Foundational to preparing your child to do great things you need to focus on your relationship with each child individually. When your relationship with your kids is right, they will respond to your attempts to make learning fun.

1. Learning to View Life From our Children’s Point of View
I have 14 children, and all of them are different from one another as I’m sure your children are as well. It takes time-quality time- to get to really know your children as individuals. I’ve always liked to “step into the shoes of another”.
It helps in raising children to do the same kind of thing. Remember what it was like to be a kid and how certain tones of voice made you feel, or being yelled at (to this day I cringe when I hear parents yelling at their kids)

I remember clearly when my son Tim was a little boy. He was very shy and when he was embarrassed he often dealt with that embarrassment in a way that appeared that he was angry. One of those times, Rick was about to spank him for displaying anger. I called him aside and explained my theory. He began to observe and we could clearly see a pattern. He wasn’t angry, just trying to save face. We needed to guide him to do that in a more acceptable manner, but would have wounded his spirit by misinterpreting his reaction as anger.

All this to say, it takes time and wisdom (skill) in learning how to handle our child’s hearts in a proper manner. (More insight is available in Parenting From the Heart)

• A good rule is to always aim to treat our children respectfully.
We always corrected our children for three things: disobedience, disrespect and irresponsibility. If our goal is to teach our children to be respectful, we must treat them respectfully. I always think, “Would I treat another adult the way I just treated my child?”
In some ways, it’s even more important to treat our children respectfully so they can learn to trust us with their hearts. Not that we need to be perfect. Of course we can’t and of course we’ll make lots of mistakes, but our kids are always ready and willing to forgive us when they sense we are truly repentant and have their ultimate best interests at heart. It’s actually a positive thing when our kids see us fail and we admit it. We are modeling for them what they will need to make use of many times in their lives too. So,don’t be afraid to blow it. You will! Kids are masters at reading our hearts, especially when they reach the teen years and learn that Mom and Dad aren’t perfect after all.

• When correcting your children, be sure to correct for their benefit, not because you’re mad

• Show them how what they did violates Scripture. Always point them back to Scripture. We have a resource that you may find helpful. It’s called Identifying and Dealing with Offenses. It is a list of Scriptures I used to show my kids how their unacceptable behavior violated a command of Scripture, and to reach them what they should have done to handle it God’s way.

• We always taught our kids why we needed to correct them. We were obeying God to do this verse:
Hebrews 12:11- “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards, it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness.”

• Teach your kids to use Scripture as the guidebook for their lives. The Bible has the answer for every problem they will ever face and they need to learn to become skillful in applying God’s Word to everyday situations.
For example: Ephesians 4:29- “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment that it may give grace (desire and power to do God’s will) to those who hear.
or in another version:
“Say only what is GOOD and HELPFUL to those you are talking to and WHAT WILL GIVE THEM A BLESSING.”
This verse gives some practical guidelines for teaching your child how to evaluate their speech. Was what you said GOOD?, Was it HELPFUL? DID IT GIVE OTHERS A BLESSING? If not, don't say it.
More Practical info on this subject can be found in Obedience from the Heart CD

To be continued next week....
"Delight in Your Children as God Delights in Us"