Part 3: The Importance of Teaching Character to Your Children

Compelling Reasons (#5-7)

5. The 5^th reason to teach your kids character is that in doing so you are guiding them into being conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. Romans 8:29 says, “ For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.” One of the best ways to analyze ourselves is in relation to the character qualities. When we see character weaknesses crop up (and they will) we need to employ the corresponding positive quality. To help you in becoming skillful in this, you can access Identifying and Dealing with Offenses handout (access it for FREE)

This list has 32 types of negative behavior, such as lying, complaining, teasing, unkindness, and also the corresponding positive behavior. We need to remember in dealing with our children, every negative behavior we see is just a positive character quality misused, and it is our job as parents to guide our children in choosing instead the character of Christ (not that we can ever be perfect in it as He is, but it is He we must learn to imitate instead of giving in to our selfish desires). For instance, if your child is displaying anger, he needs to learn to choose self-control. The handout also supplies you with an insight learned from the Scripture verse,- give a soft answer! Our study Growing in Wisdom is based on this handout and supplies you with short answer questions from Scripture as well as flashcards to assist you in teaching your children how to learn to choose the positive instead of the negative that comes so naturally! 

6. Teaching character builds a solid foundation on which learning can take place. II Peter 1:3 gives a list to add to our faith in Jesus. Virtue (godly character)  is next in line above knowledge. If we just teach our children academics, they will become puffed up. We need to teach them to apply godly character in making wise decisions first. With this foundation, learning comes much more easily. Knowledge without character produces educated fools.  Knowledge is not the answer to our problems in society, CHARACTER is the answer!
7. Teaching character builds a solid foundation for future generations!  Proverbs 20:7 says, “ The just man walketh in his integrity; his children are blessed after him.”  When a man has learned to make wise choices and walk in integrity, his children who come after him receive a blessing! If you want to insure that your grandchildren and great grandchildren have a secure foundation, teach your children to make wise decisions! As you pour into the lives of your own children, you are building for future generations!

More next week

~Marilyn

Part 2: The Importance of Teaching Character to Your Children

      10    Compelling Reasons 

      (Reasons 1-4 this week)

1. When we teach our children what character qualities are, we are teaching them to understand Jesus better.  Jesus is our perfect example of every character quality. Consider His:

·         hospitality in the feeding of the 5000,

·         self-control in the Garden of Gethsemanae,

·         meekness before Pilate, his determination as he set his face steadfastly to go to Jerusalem knowing what awaited him there,

·         flexibility as he was stopped by the woman with the issue of blood who touched him and was healed,

·         orderliness in dividing the crowd up in groups of 100’s and 50’s as he instructed his disciples to feed them before sending them home,

·         boldness in confronting the Pharisees,

·         availability to bless the children when they came to him,

We could continue on and find recorded events in Scripture when Jesus is the perfect example of all the character qualities (that would be a great study!)

I recently heard a sermon by a Pastor Davis who taught his congregation on character and at the end of the sermon read the passage of Jesus feeding the 5000. He asked children 12 years old and younger to raise their hands and tell what character qualities they could see from the lives of either Jesus or his disciples in this passage. The kids came up with 13 different character qualities in just this one passage of Scripture. What a great idea for family devotions!!! The first step in teaching your children to be boys and girls of character is to teach them simple definitions for each character quality and a verse from Scripture for each. After they understand what it means, you can then design projects to help them internalize it into their everyday lives.  Kids of Character study and flashcards is a tool we designed to help you do just that with your children. 

2. The second reason to study character is to understand why trials come into our lives. God is using our trials for a purpose- to conform us to the image of Jesus Christ. A wise man once said, “Our trials are custom-made” for each of us. When we learn to properly respond to our trials, we get grace from God and develop in our lives more of the positive character quality. When we respond negatively, we see more of the negative character trait grow in our lives.

3. The third reason to teach our kids character is help them get the guidance they need for everyday life.  Prov. 11:3 says the integrity of the upright will guide them. When your child learns to respond with the character of Christ, he will receive the guidance he needs in everyday life. When he chooses to be truthful, more truthfulness will be built into his life. If he chooses not to be truthful, deceptiveness will grow in his life. When we respond to life’s situations with godly character, we will be receptive to God’s will for our lives

4. We should guide our children in studying character so they may experience the blessings of God. Psalm 18:20 says “ The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath He recompensed me.”

When your child learns to choose truthfulness, he will receive the blessings of truthfulness. When he chooses responsibility he will receive the blessings of being responsible, when he chooses joyfulness, others will enjoy being around him, etc.

We'll cover more reasons next week!

~Marilyn

Character Matters

Hello.  I am your child’s future employer.  No doubt you’ve thought about me, though we haven’t met.  You’re teaching your child at home because you want the best future possible for him (or her).  One of the things you’re concerned about is your child’s preparation for a career.  That’s wise.  Everybody has to make a living doing something, and it’s not a good idea to wait until they’re grown up and on their own before some preparation is made for that.  So I’m going to do you a favor.  I’m going to tell you in advance what I’m looking for in a young person I’m considering hiring.

Because of your own schooling, you may be more concerned about grades and tests than you should be.  They make a big deal out of such things in school, but frankly I couldn’t care less.  Sure, I want your kid to be literate when he comes to see me about a job.  I need basic reading, communication and math skills.  But I don’t care what your kid’s SAT score was.  That doesn’t translate into a good employee.

If you stop to think about it, you don’t care all that much, either.  As a consumer, have you ever asked the plumber, your doctor or the Chief of the fire department what sort of test scores he had in school?  No.  You’re not concerned about what he did twenty years ago as a student; you want to know what he can do now.  As a professional.  For you.

That’s where I’m coming from.  I’ve had bright kids and slow kids work for me and I’ve seen good and bad in both.  I don’t see any way that real intelligence can be measured on tests, but even if it can, that’s not what makes an employee a winner in my eyes.  I’ve had too many intelligent jerks on the payroll.

I’ll tell you what I’m looking for.  And if you’re smart and if you want the best for your kid, you’ll pay attention.  I’ve been in business for a long time.  I’ve hired a lot of people and I’ve had to fire quite a few.  It’s not fun being a boss at a time like that, but it comes with the territory.  I can’t afford to employ your kid because he needs a job or he’s a nice person or because you’re a personal friend of mine.  But I’ll tell you what will make me eager to be your kid’s employer and I can say it in one word.  That word is character.

Yes, I said character.  With a capital C.  I’m not looking for young people who know everything; I’m looking for young people who are good people.  I can teach them the job skills they need, but only you can teach them good character.

To start with, I need the character quality of honesty.  You’d be surprised how hard it is to find people I can trust to come to work, do their jobs and not walk out with a bunch of my property.  Besides stealing from me, which is terrible, it’s even worse when employees steal from my customers.  The people who do business here trust me, and I take that seriously. I won’t keep an employee who delivers a product or service that is less than the customer intended to pay for. If I send an employee to your home to make a delivery or perform some work, I don’t want to have to worry about him lifting some of your jewelry or silver.  If I can’t trust an employee’s basic honesty, I can never have a moment’s peace or rest.

I need diligent people.  People who don’t have to be horsewhipped to keep them working at a responsible pace.  I’m not a slave driver, but I want a real hour’s work for an agreed-upon hour’s pay.  That doesn’t sound like I’m asking for much, does it?  Yet you’d be amazed at how few people have any sense of obligation about it.  That is, you’d be amazed if you’ve never been an employer.

I need humble people.  People who don’t know everything and don’t mind being told there’s a better way to do it and are willing to do things the way I prefer, just because I prefer it.  After all, I’m writing the check.  I want what I want for that money, just as much as you want the exact product or service you expect when you’re writing the check as a customer.

I need loyal people.  I don’t ask anybody to work for me forever; I understand that people sometimes need to better themselves vocationally or just want to move on to something different.   And I understand that loyalty is a two-way street.  I try to take care of my people.  All I ask is that they give me a decent amount of consideration and act as if I have needs, too.  Because I do.

I need people who are respectful.  If your kids backtalk you all the time, if they’re mouthy and rude, please don’t send them to me.  I know they’re driving you crazy, and they’ll do the same to me.  Worse, they’ll be a thorn in the flesh to their supervisor and co-workers.  Your kid does not have enough talent to make up for the problems he’ll cause here if he doesn’t respect authority and—well, just basic human dignity.  If he doesn’t respect people I don’t need him.

I need people who are thorough.  A lick and a promise just aren’t good enough for my customers.  Surely you’ve had the experience of paying good money for a car with hidden defects, an overdone steak, kitchen knives that won’t stay sharp or a cup of lukewarm coffee.  Don’t send me your kid with a resume in his hand if he won’t follow through on projects and get it done all the way.

A little patience would be helpful, too.  Your kid will have to work with bosses, fellow employees and customers.  If he can’t control his temper and put forth the effort to hide his natural irritations a bit, he’ll constantly be waging word-wars with the other workers and probably some of the people who give us their money in exchange for our services.  After all, they’re people too.  They occasionally have a bad hair day and may need a little forbearance.  If an employee has the maturity to control his temper, we can satisfactorily do business with most people.  If not, a moody customer may become an ex-customer.  I can’t afford that.

Have you ever thought about contentment as a job qualification?  By that I don’t mean a guy who never wants to rise above his present position in the company.  I like ambition and I respect it.  I reward it in my company; the person who is always trying to be better gets raises and promotions here.  The contentment I’m talking about is the willingness to tolerate the little discomforts of the present situation and accept them as a normal part of life.  One of the most annoying things for an employer is workers who constantly gripe.  Nothing is ever good enough for them.  If something about the work or the company policies or the boss is less than ideal, these folks make sure to spread the discontent.  Suffering in silence is not an option, nor is going through the chain of command and trying to work out a reasonable solution.  No, these types have to gripe and fuss and make it a lousy day at work for everybody around them.  It never seems to occur to them that I really try to make this a good place to work.  Or that there are limitations on me as well, and I can’t control every little detail of the situation.  For Pete’s sake, we’re not being paid to have a party, we’re being paid to do what the customer wants us to do. We can try to have everything just like we want it after work, but even then it’s pretty hard to pull off.

Finally, I’d appreciate it if you’d teach your kid some prudence.  I mean good, old-fashioned common sense.  Some of the people who have worked here didn’t seem to know enough to come in out of the rain.  The sort of people you have to leave a trail of bread crumbs for if you want them to get to the right place at the right time.  Call it prudence, call it good sense, call it wisdom if you want to.  It’s an aspect of character that reduces waste in time, energy and expense.  It’s critical to productivity, efficiency and even safety.  You wouldn’t believe some of the stupid things I’ve seen people do, causing endless problems for others and even putting fellow employees in danger.  Just because of a lack of judgment.  Prudence.

I’m not saying your kid has to be a cherub to work here.  I’m not perfect and neither is anybody else in the company.  All I’m asking is that applicants show up with a good attitude and act like they have a decent degree of consideration for the needs of others.  If they have that attitude they will meet the needs of the job and climb up the career ladder at a good pace.

So if I may offer a little advice from the other side of the employment relationship, teach your kids first and foremost to be people of character.  They’ll make the workplace a better place for themselves and everybody else.  If they work for me, I’ll see to it that they make more money, get more appreciation, and rise faster in position than any straight-A whiz kid who ever walked through my door thinking he was doing me a favor by applying for a job here.  A young person of character can do well in my business or in any business where he chooses to work.

Come to think of it though, that may not last long.  Young people like that usually end up being their own boss.

~Rick

Related Products:

Be sure to check out our Character Concepts Series of Resources. Our goal is equip you, the parent, with the tools you need to successfully teach your children the principles of good Character!

      

Kids of Character  

Flashcards, Study Workbook, or Set                        

How to Raise Kids of Character (CD or DVD)

Character Qualities for MOM!

The character of God includes character qualities that we must learn to understand and implement in our own lives. We have personalized the character qualities for our kids, but also, one day, I personalized some for me as the Mom. It kind of helps you to keep a right focus on what is really important. Here's a few examples:

flexibility is not being too busy to stop folding laundry and go see the ant Tuck just dug up.

Generosity is sharing the last piece of cake you’ve been waiting to enjoy in a quiet moment because Laurie just joined you on a swing. This is an opportunity to show her that she’s special to you.

Gentleness is putting your arm around your son and reaffirming your love for him when he just made a really bad decision that you advised him against, and he’s sorry for it.

Gratefulness is thanking God for the privilege of parenthood, and acknowledging that it’s a picture of our relationship with our heavenly Father, not a hindrance to serving Him.

Humility is admitting you blew it when you lost your cool at the first look at the lemonade spilled all over the kitchen floor—sticky!

Joyfulness is realizing God has given me everything I need to live today in His victory, and that He turns our greatest sorrows into our deepest joys.

Character Does Count!

Character does count. Our Founding Fathers certainly thought so. It’s been said, “Character is doing what’s right when nobody’s looking.” This is what we must instill in our children. Scripture is loaded with positive and negative examples of character. Character is basically the attributes of God. Our goal is to be like Jesus, and therefore we want to teach our children what character qualities mean so they can adopt them into their lives. Character Sketches, as I mentioned in the last chapter, has been a mainstay in our home, as have
“A Child’s Book Of Character Building”, vol.1 and 2. This book gives simple definitions that kids can understand, for example: “Attentiveness = listening with ears, eyes and heart”, and then applies it to daily situations as well as giving a Bible character who exemplified the quality. Consider personalizing the character qualities for your children to make it easier for them to apply. For example, see appendix #2 to see character qualities I’ve personalized for myself. It’s so effective to personalize scripture and character qualities to bring about real changes in our lives. Remember that a negative character trait in our lives is just a positive character quality misused. God will often take our biggest weaknesses and make them our biggest strengths. So don’t despair when you see character deficiencies in yourself or your children. God’s at work. Get busy teaching your kids what character is and God will use that to do the changing. Gear scriptures to be learned to specific character needs you see in your child. For instance, if unkindness is a problem, use your concordance and find references to kindness, and assign those verses to your child to learn; or make them into 3x5 cards for your little ones.

We never put our children into AWANA, although our church does have that program. The reason is that we knew our kids would do well. We started early teaching them scripture. But scripture is for the purpose of changing our behavior, and we geared memory work to character needs in order to see scripture change lives. I felt it would instead promote a spirit of competition and pride in my kids if they’d been in AWANA. I didn’t want to create a stumbling block for them in focusing on winning a prize. AWANA is great for kids who aren’t getting scripture at home. Sunday schools were created to be an outreach and that’s fine, but it wasn’t the best choice for our children. God holds parents responsible to train and guide and steer their children in His paths. We have rewarded our children for learning scripture, such as a new tropical fish for learning ten verses, or a book they want, etc. But it’s a goal that’s achievable for them, not competing even with brothers or sisters in achieving it.

If I could emphasize one thing in the training of your children, perhaps the best thing we’ve done, it would be Bible tapes. When our oldest kids were young, Rick began making sets of Bible tapes. He would read through Proverbs, then Psalms, Matthew, etc., stopping occasionally to explain difficult words and giving stories to illustrate different concepts. He’s a good storyteller. We would then play tapes at naptime and bedtime. We found that our children memorized massive portions of scripture without even trying, especially ones who didn’t fall asleep right away. At one point, eight-year-old Josh could finish any verse in Matthew that you began. Recently when Rick was reading the Proverb of the day for family devotions (there are thirty-one proverbs – read the first chapter on the first day of the month, etc.), Tucker, then nine, would finish every verse Rick started to read. Rick asked him how he knew them all and he said he was listening to “Uncle Rick Reads the Proverbs” at naptime. Scripture is something you take with you to heaven and through eternity. It never returns void. It seems to just pop into your head when you need it. We offer the tapes Rick made for our kids, or you can make them for your own kids, or buy the Bible on tape; but please consider using them. As our kids grow beyond “nap” stage, Mom still needs a quiet time each day, and so do they. We allow them to play quietly in their rooms and listen to Bible tapes. We also use them for long trips in the car. You can even let them use their own walkmans for times where they have long waits in the doctor’s office, etc.

Joshua 1:8 promises that we will be successful in everything we do if we meditate on God’s Word. That’s what I want for my children. An added benefit is that our children have had very little problem with nightmares. They go to sleep listening to God’s Word, and it acts as a purifier and fills their minds with truth as they drift off to sleep. So crank up those CD players and let God’s Word make your little ones into mighty soldiers for the King!

~Marilyn

excerpted from Parenting from the Heart

Raising Kids Of Character

This is excerpted from How to Raise Kids of Character by Marilyn Boyer, a new ebook that shares principles and tips that she has used to teach her 14 children how to become men and women of character.

Moms, you don’t realize what an impact you have on your children! Thomas Edison went to public school for 2 months when he came home and asked his mother what the word “addled” meant. “Whatever makes you ask that?”, replied his mother. When Thomas told her the teacher had told him he was addled because he asked too many questions, she boldly declared that he would not go back to school. She would teach him herself. (School teachers often still like the kids who retain what they are told and can spit it back on tests, not the kids who are thinkers and are driven to learn)

He spent his life inventing a multitude of devices which in turn have made our lives considerably more productive. Just a few among his hundreds of inventions are: electric generators, phonograph, storage batteries, motion picture machine and of course, the light bulb. Edison has been named the greatest inventor America ever produced.

You may be thinking, WOW, his mother must’ve been so smart!!

But in reality, it wasn’t her that invented all those things. She was wise, in that she succeeded in teaching Tom character, and believing in him and encouraging him to go on, even when experiments “failed”. FAILURE is just a stepping stone on the road to success!!

Once, after Edison has tried over 700 different materials to use as as filament in a light bulb, to make it long lasting and failed again, his lab assistant remarked, “You must be discouraged”. Discouraged? Tom answered, “No. I’m not discouraged. I’ve just found 700 things that WON”T work.” That’s perseverance, That’s Determination, That’s Endurance, That’s Vision, That’s CHARACTER!!

Mom, Dad, you don’t have to be a super brain. You don’t have to know everything before you can teach your kids. (I’ve gotten a much better education since I began home educating my own kids)

What you do have to do, is to teach your kids to read, write, communicate, and HOW to learn. Then, anything they ever need to know, they will be able to learn on their own or find the help they need. Your job is to encourage their God-given love to learn and instill confidence in them by believing God has a wonderful plan for their life and communicating that to them!!

Marilyn Boyer