Part 3- Preschoolers: Shaping Little Hearts

Build a Heart of Obedience

One of the biggest causes of burnout in home education is out-of-control kids. We as parents must obey God and train our kids to obey, telling them that if they don’t learn when they are small it will be much harder when they are older. Our approach to obedience is a positive one. I’ve found that most children want to obey you—yes, they have a sinful nature, but they really want your approval—so make it easy for them to obey. Disciplinary measures won’t be needed nearly as often if you take the time now to train your kids in obedience. We knew a boy who was about to walk out between two cars. He couldn’t see that there was a car coming. His dad said, “David, stop,” and David stopped. If he hadn’t stopped he would have been run over by that car. We used that illustration to show our kids that their parents can see beyond what they can see, and that they need to obey us immediately with the freedom to ask why later. They need to learn prompt obedience right away.

We’ve done a couple of things to work on this training. I remember coming home from the store one day very frustrated. The kids weren’t really being bad, they were just there, and there were a lot of them! I kept running over them with my grocery cart, and they were touching things on the shelves, and wanting things that weren’t on my list, and I told Rick I just didn’t know what to do. Rick said, “Let’s go back to the store tonight just for the purpose of training the kids.” So we went, and he walked behind them giving a few simple rules such as: Walk behind mom and the cart; make your requests at home; don’t touch the things on the shelves. The very next time I took my kids to the store someone commented on their obedience, asking how we did it. So we thought, Ah! This works! We began preparing them for other situations. At the time I was pregnant and I would have to go to the doctor’s office with many children. I set them all in a row, leaving Ricky in charge of reading stories to them while I was with the doctor. I would tell them about how long I was going to be, and what I expected of them while I was away—and they did it! People in that doctor’s office to this day talk about how obedient our kids were, but it was just because we told them in advance what was expected of them. When we went to a restaurant we’d say, “What do you say when the waitress gives you a glass of water?” We prompted them, telling them how we expected them to act. We found that they are much more likely to do what you expect if you just tell them! Before we began preparing them for situations I could see that I was just saying, “Don’t do that! Don’t touch that!” But I wasn’t telling them what I DID want them to do, so they really didn’t know.

Another thing we did with our kids is what we called, “Ifs,” and its purpose was to help them make wise choices. We gave them a situation such as, “If you are at Travis’ house and he says, “Come on, Ricky, let’s watch this TV program; it’s a good one—your mom won’t mind.” Then we asked, what would you do? Ricky, who is now 30 years old, said that helped him a lot of times to make the right choices, because we were training them in advance for the situations we knew they would have to face.

We tell our children that obedience has three parts: cheerfully, immediately, and thoroughly. If they did what we asked without cheerfulness, that was not real obedience. Or, if it was not done thoroughly and we had to call them back to do it correctly, that was not obedience. We corrected our kids for three things: disobedience, disrespect, and irresponsibility—never for childishness—you must learn to distinguish childish behavior from disobedience. There are some basic principles. We instructed our children, telling them how we wanted them to act. We then had them repeat the instruction back to us, especially if they are a preschooler. If they disobey we give them one warning and again have them repeat the instruction back to us to be sure they understood. When you correct your kids, always use Scripture to establish that they did something wrong. For example, if one of your kids was angry so they pulled a brother or sister’s hair and said something unkind, Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry but do not sin.” Instead of just communicating that they irritated mom, and will get a spanking, show them how they violated Scripture, causing them to get a spanking. Afterwards we show love, and if they have offended someone else they’ll need to seek forgiveness. In that situation, we would teach them Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath”, teaching them to prepare a gentle answer for next time so they can watch God work. (For more information, see CD or DVD presentation of Obedience From the Heart by Marilyn Boyer.)

Build a Sense of Responsibility

We have found that kids need a schedule—they need to know what is expected of them. We train our children, even two- to three-year-olds, to help with chores. Ours have different chores every day of the week. They can do things like take a bottle of neutral cleaner and clean baseboards or doorknobs. We found that the little ones love having chores! They want to be helpful like they see the older ones doing. For those who cannot yet read, we get containers and put a picture of say, a matchbox car, or dollhouse person, so they know where those things are supposed to go. They are far more likely to be responsible if you’ve made it easy for them to obey. If they break a toy they must work to get money to replace it. They also have a daily schedule which we follow unless something comes up. Our kids know what is expected of them, which builds security. (for more see How to Raise Kids of Character CD by M. Boyer)

Include Your Toddler in School Time

Usually the toddlers want to do school like the older kids are doing, so start young, when they have that desire! It’s such a temptation to send the little ones away so you can concentrate on the other kids you’re teaching math to, but as much as possible, let them be present. You will be so surprised by what they will learn simply by being there while you teach the older ones. I remember three-year-old Matt joining us while I was teaching his brothers and sisters anatomy. I got him an anatomy coloring book, and while I was working with them he was coloring in his “uh-atomy book!” And he just thought he was a big guy! He would even color the pictures to try to gross out his sister at lunchtime!

Another time I was teaching math facts. “Nine times four is thirty-six,” and I did it in a sing-songy way. While Josh tried to remember what it was, Carrie, the three-year-old, popped up and said, “Thirty-six!” as if she was finishing the song. They will pick up so much just from being present. We do train them to have school-time voices. Otherwise, what happens is pure chaos! (Though if you came to our house you would see that it’s never truly quiet.) The older kids have to learn to put up with a little bit of distraction from the younger kids, and the younger kids have to learn to use their school-time voices, for which we reward them. In our home it takes us about two and a half hours to do school—this last year that meant seven children. I spend special time with my preschoolers about halfway through while the older kids have snack—my little guys look forward to that time with mom in between. I also spend time with them as soon as I finish with the older kids.

Another thing we’ve done is to allow the older children to teach the younger children as a reward for finishing their schoolwork in a timely way. For instance, Laura loves doing art projects with the little ones. So she will do her math diligently (she does not like math), then be rewarded by doing art projects with the little guys, which is really good for both of them.

You can also include the little ones in things like nature walks, science experiments, anything you’re teaching the older ones that is hands-on. Let your little ones listen to you as you read history stories or biographies to the older kids. Our two- and three-year-olds love to listen to history books, biographies, and nature stories. I’ve found that it’s my little ones who require most of my time—my preschoolers, toddlers, and the ones who are learning to read. The other kids pretty much just need help when they get stuck on something.

What has really been a lifesaver for me was getting a big box and putting in that box, things that I save just for school time for the preschoolers like lace-and-trace shapes, learning puzzles that are appropriate for their age (Matt, now 21, still loves puzzles. He learned his states and capitals at a very early age just by putting our puzzles together); flannel graphs with Bible figures or counting objects, playdough, rolling pins, plastic knives, molds (worth the mess for the time it keeps them occupied!); block sets, shape sorters, dry erase boards, special markers and paper, magnetic letters, chalkboards, special Bible tapes such as Your Story Hour, and, very occasionally, a short educational video (be careful of using videos as a babysitter; it is not a profitable use of their time), popsicle sticks, geoboard, tangrams, button sorting, paper-punch pictures, inkpad pictures, wet chalk drawing, fruit and vegetable prints, sewing cards, paper dolls (One year my second son, who lives life with his hands, made a paper doll family for his sister. He took pictures of our family, cut ovals out of wood, and glued the faces to the dolls! My girls still use these family dolls, passed down to all the kids through the years. They play-out situations in our family, which is not always good! It really shows us what they’re picking up!). The possibilities are endless, and they’re learning without even knowing it! The trick is to not let them do these things any time they want—save it all for school time. Of course attention spans vary. Some children will do things like this for a long time, and others need more activities changed frequently. Keep changing the activity before they get tired of it so they look forward to it the next time you bring it out.

Another resource I developed for use with my children was Making Wise Choices Flashcards. The If/When pack guides them in situations that they might encounter, like what to do if you’re tempted to be afraid. On the back it gives the verse for that. And the Character-Quality flash cards have verses about obedience, kindness, and gratefulness, which are three that our kids really needed. We also have Proverbs Flashcards, a set with practical application of verses from the practical book of the Bible that Solomon wrote to instruct his sons. These flashcards are also included in our Preschool Resource Pack.

I hope you have gained some helpful insights and encouragement throughout this series. God bless you as you strive each day to shape those little hearts God's way.

~Marilyn

This series was taken from Home Educating Babies and Toddlers and Loving It! Available as a CD, Audio Download, or E-book

Preschoolers: Shaping Little Hearts- Part 2

Teach Doctrine Early

David Barton, from WallBuilders, tells how in the 1800s, our country used the catechism to teach kids doctrine. Kids really can learn! We haven’t done that, but we have used books by Carolyn Nystrom: What is God? Who is Jesus? What is the Bible? A couple of our kids were actually prompted to ask Jesus into their heart after reading the answer to What is a Christian? It was put so clearly, in simple terms little ones could understand. Another resource that we used with little ones every day is a devotional for preschoolers called Leading Little Ones to God. (Included in Preschool Resource Pack)

Each day I spent special time with each child. Now, that sounds like a lot, but at nap time I would put everyone down and then call the little ones up one at a time to spend maybe just five minutes with them alone—they knew they would have that special time with Mom every day! We worked on Bible verses, or read a Bible story. Just knowing they would have that time with mom gave them a sense of security. In Deuteronomy we are given special times in which we should teach Scripture: when we lie down, rise up, walk by the way, and sit in our house. We have used bedtime and nap-time as key times to teach our children Scripture. Especially for the children who don’t fall asleep right away, Bible tapes have been an important resource. My husband made these for our children, and it would be great if your children’s dad could make the tapes or CDs by reading Scripture aloud, but if not, just buy some Bible CDs and play Scripture at naptime and bedtime. Your little guys and gals will learn passages of Scripture! When Josh was seven he was listening to the book of Matthew. You could start a verse in Matthew anywhere and he could finish the verse. He couldn’t quote the reference, but he could finish the verse! Just the other day Rick was doing Proverbs in family devotions. He would start a verse and Tuck (11) would finish it! Rick would start another verse and Tuck would finish it. Rick said, “Tuck, how do you know those verses?” Tuck said, “Well, I heard them on my Bible tapes at naptime.” It’s an easy thing that does not require your constant involvement, and Scripture is what changes their lives and makes them more like Jesus.

You know, God’s Word never returns void. We’ve had very few problems with nightmares in our children. They’re listening to God’s Word as they go to sleep every night, and the last thing you think about before you go to sleep is what your mind tends to dwell on. My first son’s wife said, “Boy, your family is so intimidating! Every time a situation comes up someone has a Bible verse to apply to it.” That’s from listening to their Bible tapes! And a side benefit of you taking time to teach your kids God’s Word is that you’re learning it too. People ask how mom has time to sit down and learn Scripture. I don’t for myself, but when I’m teaching it to my children, it all works together. Joshua 1:9 promises we’ll be successful in everything we do if we meditate on God’s Word.

Another resource we’ve used from Thy Word Creations is a CD and accompanying book that puts a section of Scripture to music and then also shows how to personalize the book for each child. We play them at naptime and bedtime. I think there are ten different sections of Scripture they’ve put to music so two- and three-year-olds can walk around the house singing passages of Scripture.


Teach an Appreciation for Music

We bought hymnbooks we use for family devotions, letting the children choose hymns every night. It’s so good for your kids to learn the songs of the faith. Joni Earekson Tada has put out a wonderful set of books called Hymns for a Kid’s Heart. They tell the stories behind some of our favorite hymns and include a CD.


Teach Your Children the Character of God

The character of God includes character qualities that we must learn to understand and implement in our own lives. Try to put the character qualities in your kid’s language. I wrote down some character qualities for a mom:

Flexibility is not being too busy to stop folding laundry and go see the ant Tuck just dug up.

Generosity is sharing the last piece of cake you’ve been waiting to enjoy in a quiet moment because Laurie just joined you on a swing. This is an opportunity to show her that she’s special to you.

Gentleness is putting your arm around your son and reaffirming your love for him when he just made a really bad decision that you advised him against, and he’s sorry for it.

Gratefulness is thanking God for the privilege of parenthood, and acknowledging that it’s a picture of our relationship with our heavenly Father, not a hindrance to serving Him.

Humility is admitting you blew it when you lost your cool at the first look at the lemonade spilled all over the kitchen floor—sticky!

Joyfulness is realizing God has given me everything I need to live today in His victory, and that He turns our greatest sorrows into our deepest joys.

Those are just a few examples. We do those for our kids—personalizing character qualities on their level so they can understand what they mean.

Perhaps you are familiar with Bill Gothard’s Character Sketch books. He uses animals and a person in Scripture to demonstrate character qualities. We used the pictures out of these books to make quilts, letting our children color the pictures. Every day we would go over a different trait. For instance, “Endurance is setting aside privileges which weaken me or others.”

Teach Your Two- and Three-Year Olds Bible Verses

With our little ones we started by taking a 3”x5” card and illustrating a verse. For instance, “What is the candle of the Lord? It is the spirit of a man.” “What must we do to have friends? Act friendly.” “Who controls the kings and Daddy’s heart? The hand of the Lord.” I would go over these verses with my two and three-year-olds every day, starting out saying the verse myself, then having them repeat it, and then getting to where they could say that day’s verse, as well as review the verse from the day before. By the time I got to the end of our pack of verses the children had learned a lot of Scripture and knew how to apply it. They are now available as Making Wise Choices Flashcards. The If/When pack guides them in situations that they might encounter, like what to do if you’re tempted to be afraid. On the back it gives the verse for that. And the Character-Quality flash cards have verses about obedience, kindness, and gratefulness, which are three that our kids really needed. We also have Proverbs Flashcards, a set with practical application of verses from the practical book of the Bible that Solomon wrote to instruct his sons. These flashcards are included in our Preschool Resource Pack.

Next week we'll conclude this series. You certainly do not have to do things just the way I have done them- but I do hope you will be inspired to actively implement God and the Bible into your little preschooler's life, and that my experiences will give you the encouragement and some resources to begin. They really do soak up so much during this time!

~Marilyn

Preschoolers: Shaping Little Hearts- Part 1

I have eight boys and six girls, and we’ve been homeschooling for over 30 years now. I figured out that when I’m finished homeschooling my six-year-old we’ll have been doing this for thirty-six years…maybe by then we’ll know what we’re doing!

When I started homeschooling, my oldest was in kindergarten, I had two preschool children, an infant, and I was pregnant with number five. (Incidentally, I figured out that I’ve been pregnant for eleven years!) I’ve always had one or two toddlers and a baby until now—now my “baby” is six! It’s definitely a challenge; I know what you guys are going through. And some children are more of a challenge than others. My twenty-year-old, Laura, was a very hyperactive child. I have a picture of her sitting at the kitchen table during school time with markers she was supposed to be coloring with; she was tearing the lids off and throwing the markers all over the kitchen! Yes, some are more challenging than others. And yet you’ll see that those challenging kids will be the ones with people skills when they’re older, so God is working it all together into great and mighty things.

I’ve found out that the way I handle my toddlers and babies determines the degree of success I will achieve in homeschooling. They definitely require a major time involvement. If you have taught your kids to be self-directed learners, once they get to high school it will really be a piece of cake. For my older kids I feel like I’m their coach: I assign the schoolwork, they do it, and come to me with problems. This is why the colleges are working to attract home-educated kids—because they know how to work alone, and they are self-directed learners. But tt’s the tough part you’re in right now. I tell people it was hardest for me when I had three or four little guys, because I had to do all the housecleaning, cooking, laundry, and the teaching—everything—you’re doing everything. And you think you’re going to be there forever. It’s hard to see beyond where you are now and see how much it will change a few years from now. Let me tell you from experience that time goes by so fast, and it really helps when your kids get a little bit of age on them. Right now I hardly ever handle cooking—one daughter does supper, one does lunch, and we always have plenty of kids who want to bake and make sweets!

Each day of the week my kids have a different chore assigned to them. I don’t do very many of the house chores anymore either! I do teach them how to do a particular job, make sure they do it, and stay while they’re learning. So things will change—hang in there! You’re at the toughest part now. I’m going to share some of the things I’ve learned over the years.

Build a Heart for the Things of the Lord

I emphasize this because you’re probably thinking about academics: what math program should I use? What do I need to teach my kids? What do they need to know? But the very most important thing you can do with your kids is point them to Jesus. It has been said that a child’s first five years go a long way in determining their direction in life. Even in Scripture, Moses was taught by his own mother until weaning age, which, back then, was between ages four and five; and yet he had a sense of destiny—he knew he needed to lead his people. When I started out, I had the wrong focus. I was going to build a superkid. At the time we lived in a trailer, and Ricky was about eighteen months old. I had ABC’s plastered all over the walls, and so he learned his ABC’s at a really young age. But about that time I attended a Sunday school class that changed the focus for my whole life, and my family’s life. The teacher talked about internalizing Scripture—taking the truths in Scripture and using them to change our lives so that we become more like Jesus. And that totally changed my focus. I wanted to teach my little boy how to internalize Scripture and make it a practical part of his everyday life. We’ve found that if you will do that in the early years—if you will focus on Scripture and teach your children God’s word—when you get to academics later it comes so much more easily, because Scripture is a purifier. With Scripture internalized, teaching them their ABC’s and their numbers will come much more easily. With this goal in mind we saturated our home with Scripture.

One of the things we created was a Jesus plaque. It shows a photo of one of my children with Jesus’ hands around them. Each of my children has made one of these, and we hang it by their bed. The last thing they see before going to sleep at night is a visual picture that Jesus loves them and cares about them. I have a dear friend, who is now in heaven, who wrote this song to the tune of Jesus Loves Me. My children sang that every night, looking at their Jesus plaque. The words go like this:

I am special, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.

God knew me before my birth and planned each day of my life on earth.

I am wonderfully made; I am fashioned by God’s hand unto good works throughout the land.

For in Him I’ll learn to be always prepared, especially for me

Even though I make mistakes, God forgives for His name’s sake.

He helps me to be kind and good and do the things I know I should.

I am precious in God’s sight, and in Him my soul delights.

He loves me and died for me that I might live eternally.

When Carrie and Christa were little, we sang this song and inserted their names: “Even though Carrie makes mistakes.” When Carrie got to that part she would say, “Even though Sissy makes mistakes”—she didn’t want to put her own name there!

Build A Proper Fear of the Lord

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. We teach our kids the verse, “Thou God seest me.” We ask them, “if you were in a dark, dark closet, and you couldn’t see anyone, and no one could see you, is there someone who would know what you’re doing? We tell them, “God sees all that you do, and He knows what you’re thinking, and greater is He that is in you than He that is in the world.” We teach our kids that God will give them the power to do right. His power is available for their asking. Even if Mom and Dad aren’t right with them, God is there, and He will help them to do what’s right.

Teach your little ones the Ten Commandments early. Our Ten Commandments are under attack in our country. We have them posted in our house, and we teach them to our children. There’s a very neat tape put out by Thy Word Productions with a song of the Ten Commandments and a coloring book the kids can personalize. Your little ones, two and three years old, can walk around the house singing the Ten Commandments. Don’t underestimate what little guys can learn!

We created something called a head-to-foot Bible verse. In Romans 12:1-2 it says that we are to give our bodies as a spiritual sacrifice unto God. I looked up verses in Scripture about how to use your body, from head to foot, for Jesus. We enlarged a picture of each child to life-size, put it on a board, and put these verses around it. We used that every day to teach our two-, three-, four-, five- or six-year-old Scriptures. We would say, “What verse would you like to do today?” And they would choose their ears, or their eyes for the verse they wanted to learn. Most of our Scriptures are in the King James Version, but we found this wonderful verse in another translation that says, “Defer to one another and wear the overalls of humility.” So we always took their picture for this project in overalls! (this project can be found in Hands-On Character Building)

~more to come next week

this is excerpted from Home Educating with Babies and Toddlers and Loving it