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Part 2: Delight in Your Children- the Key to their Hearts

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The Boyer Blog: Part 2: Delight in Your Children- the Key to their Hearts

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Part 2: Delight in Your Children- the Key to their Hearts

Learn to Delight in Your Children as God Delights in Us.

We are to picture God to our children as imperfect as we are. The relationship we have father/son (mother/daughter) is compared to the relationship we have as children of God. Now, that would be scary if you didn’t realize it’s a picture, something to give us guidelines and insight. God knows we are but flesh.

This is something I’ve told parents for years- to learn to delight in their children, but I didn’t learn how powerful it was until my son nailed it down last year as we were talking. I’ll let Nate tell you about it here: Nate Talks about the impact of Delighting In Your Children

(This clip is one of many included on Homeschooling-Educating for Eternity DVD series. This is a 3 hr presentation by Rick, Marilyn, and 6 of our adult kids on the things we did while raising them that they wish to pass on to their children)

It was one of those things we stumbled upon not realizing it was an important principle in God’s Word and had such a lasting impact on our children. I have since started studying Scripture on how God delights in us. It’s really fascinating!!

  • Proverbs 8:30 “I was daily His delight”
  • Ps. 18:19- psalmist rescued because God delighted in him
  • Prov. 8:31- God delights in the sons of men
  • Isaiah 62:4- Lord delights in you
  • Psalm 22:8- rescued because God delights in him (God’s son)
  • Proverbs 3:12-“Even as a father- the son in whom he delights-How blessed is the man who finds wisdom
  • Psalm 37:23- The steps of a man are established (ordered) by the Lord and He delights in his way. –even when you fall- Lord is there holding your hand (what a picture in training our children)
  • When we delight in our children- it produces correct responses, fruit in their lives. Isaiah 42:1- My chosen servant in whom my soul delights...His delight produced this fruit in the servant just- full of spirit- patient-faithful-encouraged-productive-useful

The following is my son Rick’s testimony-

I will confess that, in making life decisions, I ought to ask myself what God would think. Yet often I find myself asking, what would Mom think? I want desperately for this lady to be able to be proud of me, to be a credit rather than an embarrassment to her. I have learned that if I filter my actions through the “Mom filter,” most times I’m glad I did"

I believe delighting in your kids is the key to your kids giving you their heart

As I said earlier, it takes time to get to really know each child, their passions, interests, stumbling blocks, what makes them tick, what discourages them, what motivates them.


Our kids have to know that we are dedicated to their success above our own goals, reputation, our own time, schedule, etc.

It takes giving consideration to their input with respect as if they were another adult, listening to their stories, dreams (OHH this can be trying!!), explanations. Some kids take longer to communicate and it takes time and patience to really listen!!

Psalm 40:8- “I delight to do Thy will"

when we delight in our children, they respond in delighting to please us.

Our son, Rick, said it often kept him from doing wrong, knowing that doing a certain thing would displease his parents.

Delight is a matter of the heart. It comes from deep within. Our children belong to the LORD, not us. He entrusts them to us. Col. 3:17 -do everything you do for the Lord

“Whatsoever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks thru Him to God the Father.”

We need to realize that our attitude as parents needs to grow to be a selfless one. We are called to do what we do for the Lord Jesus, even on the really tough days- not for wealth or fame or recognition or even thanks. Kids don’t appreciate what you’ve done for them when they are little. They will when grown and have kids of their own.

The Lord sees and knows all. As we learn to seek the Lord in our child rearing-for all the details- we begin to internalize that He does care and is waiting to pour out His wisdom to us in precise detail.

Duty is ours, the result is the Lord’s.

In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.

Our kids are created in God’s image. Our job is to point them to their Savior- that is foremost in our job description, not teaching math, geography, or biology, but rather in building servant’s heart for Jesus.

For more on raising kids of character, see How to Raise Kids of Character e-book by Marilyn Boyer.

NEXT WEEK- How to practically put delighting in your kids into practice



Blogger Blessedmom's Simple Home said...

I love this Marilyn. I often joke with my parents that I was more afraid of them than the US government, but it wasn't fear, it was respect and wanting to honor them, because they loved us so much. When I was 19, I was going to school part time and working for a company that was breaking the law, big time (I didn't know it). When it was found out we were taken down and interrogated at US Customs headquarters. When they told me that they'd been following me for 5 months, my first thought was "Oh no, have I gone somewhere that my parent's wouldn't want me to?" I hadn't, but that is where the joke comes from. I knew I'd done nothing wrong where the government was concerned, but had to think about it where my parents were concerned. The standards were higher there :-) Just like Nate, the "Mom filter" often kept me from making the wrong choices. I hope it does the same for my kids. I've really been blessed.

February 11, 2010 at 12:37 PM  
Anonymous RB said...

I did NOT feel that way about my mother. My parents were good parents in that they provided for us, were strict in a good way, made sure we were well-behaved and polite.

But, there was no relationship. My mom, especially, just wanted to get "the kid thing" over with and we just stayed out of the way.

I don't want that kind of relationship with my son, but I've gone too far in letting him know how "precious" he is to us and he has very little heart to please us. He's almost 8.

I'm going to read more of your website in hopes of finding the answer to this question!

February 12, 2010 at 1:02 PM  
Blogger Roxanne said...

Thanks for a great post and a great website!

February 12, 2010 at 1:02 PM  
Blogger vicduncan said...

I attended the HEAV Conference this summer in Virginia, and heard your son make his statement about the importance of parents taking genuine delight in their children. What he shared had the single greatest impact on me of anything else I learned that weekend. I have written about it in my own blog on a couple of occasions (like Nov. 09) and the question of whether or not I am truly delighting in my children continues to challenge me and push me into Christ.

February 17, 2010 at 2:25 PM  
Anonymous Rachel said...

I didn't have this with my mom either... I really didn't give "what she thought" a second thought... In fact, and I am ashamed to say it now, but I remember times being very young and through my teen years when I hated my mom. :( I love my parents desperately and God has convicted me of my own sin of bitterness and has restored our relationship SO much. Naturally, now I am struggling with how to raise my daughters (2 and 1). I don't want to crush their spirits, but I know they need boundaries as well.... This is harder than I would have ever dreamed...I have never been on my knees more than now! Thank you for your wonderful blog!! Many blessings!
kralfam at

November 14, 2010 at 7:31 PM  

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