Building Loving Relationships Within Your Family: Part 2

 Appreciate each other’s differences

Another thing that promotes close relationships within families is to teach your children to appreciate each other’s differences. In a family, there should be a spirit of cooperation fostered rather than a spirit of competition. God has uniquely shaped each individual within your family as a special part of his creation. We’re not all supposed to be alike or do things at the same time or the same way. Point out each other’s strengths and tell your children how God created each one of them to fulfill purposes that only they can accomplish. God took precise care in all the specific details of personality, talents, desires, etc. that uniquely make up who each of your children is, and God makes no mistakes. Even in homeschooling, you will find one child learns certain subjects more easily and struggles with something else. This is normal.

 Within the family, you need to teach your children that God made us all different. Through the years as the kids were growing up, I would never let the older kids say, "Oh, that is so easy!" when a younger sibling was struggling with their work. I would tell them it wasn't as easy for them when they were younger, and even if it was a subject they excelled in there were things they struggled with. It wasn't right to make a younger sibling feel "dumb". When we learn to appreciate each person, we can better begin to help each one with the special “missions or exploits” God has given each to do. As I learned to teach to the passions of each child, the other kids would come to see how each one did really have special areas of interest and how God had equipped them with natural talents or personality to accomplish those interests.

Our goal should be to cultivate a kind of “team spirit” in your kids. When one child is exploring his passion in a certain pursuit then everyone else can chip in with ways God has gifted them to help each other accomplish their goals. Team spirit, or rather, family cohesiveness is learned as your family takes on projects to serve others. Whether you are taking your little ones by the hand and showing them how to serve an elderly person or a mom with a new baby or as you join your older children in projects they attempt, the closeness of your family is a natural byproduct. Even as my children have grown to adulthood and established families of their own, they still are each other’s best friends. When one is involved in any project, such as buying and fixing up an old house, or campaigning for a good candidate, or bringing meals to a family under stress or watching the kids to give them a break, or whatever, everyone else chips in and helps them out. Their loyalties are strong and their tendencies are to look for ways to help each other when a need arises.

Spend time together

The way society tends to do things is everyone participates in activities with kids his own age and although a family lives together in the same house, their social spheres are totally separate from one another. I remember this as a child. My sister, who was eight years older than I was, lived in our house, but our paths often never crossed.

One day I asked each of my children why they were glad they were homeschooled. I love what my son Matt said. “I got to really know my family, instead of just meeting up with them in the evening.” To effectively build close relationships, you have to be together! When you are supplying a mom’s taxi and constantly going to and fro, it’s a distraction to enjoying one another’s company. I had to learn to say no to lots of “good” things, both for myself and my kids. The possibilities of good activities to be involved in are limitless! Especially when your children are young, resist the pressure to have them involved in every activity or opportunity that comes along. Our goal is not to raise well rounded kids, but spiritually prepared servants of God, providentially placed within our families to first be a blessing to each other and then to reach out to bless the lives of those around us.  We as parents need to come alongside our children and train them to be sensitive to the needs of first of all siblings and then others whom our lives touch. It is a lifestyle.  I would caution you to remember you don’t have forever with your kids. Some days it may seem that way, but believe me, the day comes sooner than you would wish when they are grown and your opportunities for training are over. I will never regret having spent “too much time” with my children. The days went by so quickly. Once today is over, you’ll never get it back.  If we are too busy for each other, we are too busy!

More next week

~Marilyn

Building Loving Relationships Within Your Family: Part 1

Laying a Strong Foundation

One of the biggest advantages I’ve seen from homeschooling my family has been the lasting relationships that have been built over the years. My kids are each other’s best friends! This month’s focus for the blog will be sharing with you some of the factors that help to foster this type of relationship.

In the early years:  Lay a Strong Foundation.

You may wonder what some of these first points have to do with Building Loving Relationships within Your Family! But, notice I titled this section “Laying a Strong Foundation”- because there is some groundwork to be laid, some foundational principles and concepts that will help grow godly relationships. Your children need to know your love and God’s love, your discipline and God’s discipline, God’s Word needs to be present in your home- in order for them to know how to properly love others.  So, first things first:

Children are, the Bible tells us, a blessing from the Lord. Over the years, when we would learn a new baby was coming, we would tell our children that God was sending them a new baby brother or sister and it was a special gift to our family from God. When the baby arrived I would always try to make feeding time for the baby a special time when I would read to the toddler next in line age-wise. Then, instead of resenting the time mom was spending with the baby, they would look forward to it. I would involve them in getting diapers or choosing blankets or outfits to put on their new baby. I would talk in a little voice pretending I was the baby, telling my big brother or sister how happy I was that they were my big brother/sister and how much I loved them. They, of course would verbalize their love for the baby which affected their attitude toward the new one instead of building resentment that mom was so often busy with someone other than them.

Teach your children that God is omnipresent. In other words, He sees all and is with us all the time! We taught our children the verse, “Thou God seest me” (Gen 16:13)  We told them that God was watching them all the time and He was there for them all the time. This not only builds a healthy fear of the Lord. (“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”), but it gives them the comfort of knowing God is there to help them always as well.

Establish Biblical guidelines for behavior in your family. The Bible is the one constant, the light for their path. Learn to use the Bible to redirect misbehavior to instead focus on learning godly character. It is our duty to God and to others to learn how to control our selfishness and to seek to meet needs in others. This does not come naturally and we need to be intentional in training them. For instance, to help establish guidelines for right behavior we made up a Consequence Chart. We wanted our kids to understand they had choices to make, but choices come with consequences. Parents need to guide their children in learning to make wise decisions. We are making available one of the Consequence Charts we used. It is not inclusive. It just reflects things our kids were struggling with at the time and may serve as a stepping stone to help you establish some guidelines in your family. I remember Kelley coming to me one day and asking what the consequence was for…………. I told her and she said, “Oh, I don’t think I’ll do it then.” She was learning to make wise decisions. =)

 Learn to use God’s Word effectively in training your child.

 We attempted to saturate our child’s mind with Scripture. There were many ways we did this, but one of the most effective was making Bible recordings in which Rick read sections of Scripture to our kids, explaining difficult words and giving example stories to illustrate the truths found in the Word. We then played them for our children at both naptime and bedtime. As our children drifted off to sleep they were listening to Scripture. We found this served to build within them a godly value system. As they committed portions of Scripture to memory (by not even trying, just hearing) they learned to exchange some of their ungodly thought patterns for God’s thoughts on the matter. As they got older, they found when going through various situations, God’s Word, which never returns void would come back to them, providing them with God’s wisdom when they most needed it.

More specifics next week….

~Marilyn