The Boyer Blog

I Was Deprived Because I was Homeschooled

2011-10-07T17:25:00.000-04:00

Guest Post by Ashley Schnarr....

Someone recently asked me if I thought I missed out on anything because I was homeschooled. After our conversation it got me to thinking….. “Was I deprived any thing?” “Did I miss out because I was homeschooled?” After much thought I’ve come to this conclusion:

Yes. I DEFINITELY missed out because I was homeschooled.

I missed out on so many things like:

One size fits all teaching style
Grade segregation
Mandatory training on subjects that go against my beliefs
Being restricted to the average grade for my age
Being unsheltered in a peer dominated environment
Constrained religious freedoms
Limited flexibility
Reduced family time

Homeschooling provided me with much flexibly, freedom and family interaction. I learned to thrive socially by mingling with people of varied ages and God’s Word was instilled in me virtually unhindered.

So you ask me “Do you feel deprived?” Yup, I definitely missed out, but you know what? I don’t regret it one bit. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Follow Ashley!

Blog- www.stayathomedaughter.com

Twitter- http://twitter.com/#!/SAHDblog

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/#!/stayathomedaughter

Book- http://stayathomedaughter.com/?page_id=69

A Lesson in Values from the Swamp Fox

2011-09-19T18:41:00.001-04:00

I love being Uncle Rick. I love reading the Scriptures and explaining them to kids. I love telling “example stories” to them to make character applications that, hopefully, will affect the way kids live their lives as they grow up and afterward.

It’s a treat to hear back from the kids, too. Last weekend a family from Delaware was visiting in our town and emailed ahead to ask if six-year-old Hannah could possibly meet Uncle Rick while they were here. You better believe she could, and she did. And there’s little Michael from Alabama, who calls me every few months just to chat. Notes written in pencil on tablet paper and pictures drawn with crayon come every so often and make me feel like a celebrity.

One of the deepest satisfactions of my role as Uncle Rick is knowing that I am introducing children all over the country to some great books that my grandparents may have read as children, but which have long since disappeared from library and bookstore shelves. I’m talking about the kind of books that people used to write for kids, books that teach values and morals and worthy character. Fiction or nonfiction, there was a time when authors saw their job as not just entertaining young people, but inspiring them. I remember a few such books from my childhood, though they were getting scarce even then. Now we’ve found an online source for old books, and I get to revive these treasures and share them with a new generation of young Americans as I read and comment on them as Uncle Rick.

My most recent recording project was a book about General Francis Marion, the famous “Swamp Fox” of the Revolutionary War. Written in 1892, it’s a great true adventure story with action in every chapter. But it’s also a window into the heart of a great patriot who sacrificed much and risked all, to win liberty for future generations.

Let me share with you a condensed section of the book, which I recorded as “Uncle Rick Reads, Marion’s Men”.

In chapter 32, True Greatness, General Marion has arranged a prisoner exchange with a British officer and has invited the man to share dinner with him before leaving. Finding that dinner consists of nothing but sweet potatoes roasted in the camp fire, the Englishman questions Marion on what might be the motivation for him and his followers to endure such lean rations as they fought a war. What, he wondered, would men care about so much that they would wear rags, eat scanty provisions, sleep in the swamp and go without pay while daily risking their lives? Marion gave an impassioned reply:

“It is a matter of principle, sir. When a man is interested he will do and suffer anything. Many a youth would think it hard to be indentured at a trade for fourteen years. But let him be head over heels in love with such a beauteous sweetheart as Rachel, and he will think no more of fourteen years’ servitude than did Jacob. That is just my case. I am in love.”

“You in love, General?” asked the Englishman.

“Yes, I am in love, and I have the most beautiful sweetheart; her name is Liberty.

“Be that beauteous nymph my companion, and these wilds and woods have charms beyond London or Paris. To have no proud monarch driving over me with his gilt coaches; nor his host of excise men and tax gatherers insulting and robbing me; but to be my own master, my own prince and sovereign, gloriously preserving my national dignity, and pursuing my true happiness; planting my vineyards and eating the luscious fruit, sowing my fields and reaping the golden grain; and seeing millions of brothers all around me, equally free and happy as myself. This, sir, is what I long and fight for.”

The English officer had but seldom listened to such eloquence, simple yet grand, earnest and persuasive.

“As a man and a Briton, I must say your picture is a happy one.”

“Happy,” said Marion; “yes, happy indeed! And I would rather fight for such blessings for my country, and feed on roots, than keep aloof, though wallowing in all the luxuries a Solomon could bestow.

“Now, sir, I walk the soil that gave me birth, and exult in the thought that I am not unworthy of it. I look upon these venerable trees around me, and feel that I do not dishonor them. I think of my sacred rights, and I rejoice that I have not basely deserted them.

“And when I look forward, sir, to the long ages of posterity, I glory in the thought that I am fighting their battles. The children of distant generations may never hear my name, but still it gladdens my heart to think that I am now contending for their freedom, and all its countless blessings.”

The Englishman put out his hand. “We are enemies,” said he, “but as a man I acknowledge you are right, and I would to God my country would let you go your own way.”

And the young officer never rested until he had thrown up his commission and left the British service. When the clouds of war had blown over he told Marion that he never again could live under a monarchy. He bought an estate in Carolina, and married an American. Several of his descendants have at times distinguished themselves, and more than one has occupied the gubernatorial chair. The seed sown by General Marion fell on good ground and bore most excellent fruit.

That book was written fifteen years before my grandfather was born, and is the kind of stuff he used to read as a boy. Now, I have a little part in making it available to thousands of young people all across America, kids who otherwise might never have known it existed. If I had never accomplished anything else in my ministry, these years would not have been wasted.

See why I love being Uncle Rick?

~Rick Boyer

We’re linked up to: Women Living Well & Raising Homemakers

Part 3: The Importance of Teaching Character to Your Children

2011-08-25T22:37:00.001-04:00

Compelling Reasons (#5-7)

The 5^th reason to teach your kids character is that in doing so you are guiding them into being conformed to the image of Jesus Christ. Romans 8:29 says, “ For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.” One of the best ways to analyze ourselves is in relation to the character qualities. When we see character weaknesses crop up (and they will) we need to employ the corresponding positive quality. To help you in becoming skillful in this, you can access Identifying and Dealing with Offenses handout (access it for FREE)

This list has 32 types of negative behavior, such as lying, complaining, teasing, unkindness, and also the corresponding positive behavior. We need to remember in dealing with our children, every negative behavior we see is just a positive character quality misused, and it is our job as parents to guide our children in choosing instead the character of Christ (not that we can ever be perfect in it as He is, but it is He we must learn to imitate instead of giving in to our selfish desires). For instance, if your child is displaying anger, he needs to learn to choose self-control. The handout also supplies you with an insight learned from the Scripture verse,- give a soft answer! Our study Growing in Wisdom is based on this handout and supplies you with short answer questions from Scripture as well as flashcards to assist you in teaching your children how to learn to choose the positive instead of the negative that comes so naturally!

Teaching character builds a solid foundation on which learning can take place. II Peter 1:3 gives a list to add to our faith in Jesus. Virtue (godly character) is next in line above knowledge. If we just teach our children academics, they will become puffed up. We need to teach them to apply godly character in making wise decisions first. With this foundation, learning comes much more easily. Knowledge without character produces educated fools. Knowledge is not the answer to our problems in society, CHARACTER is the answer!
Teaching character builds a solid foundation for future generations! Proverbs 20:7 says, “ The just man walketh in his integrity; his children are blessed after him.” When a man has learned to make wise choices and walk in integrity, his children who come after him receive a blessing! If you want to insure that your grandchildren and great grandchildren have a secure foundation, teach your children to make wise decisions! As you pour into the lives of your own children, you are building for future generations!

More next week

~Marilyn

Part 2: The Importance of Teaching Character to Your Children

2011-08-20T08:28:00.000-04:00

10 Compelling Reasons

(Reasons 1-4 this week)

1. When we teach our children what character qualities are, we are teaching them to understand Jesus better. Jesus is our perfect example of every character quality. Consider His:

· hospitality in the feeding of the 5000,

· self-control in the Garden of Gethsemanae,

· meekness before Pilate, his determination as he set his face steadfastly to go to Jerusalem knowing what awaited him there,

· flexibility as he was stopped by the woman with the issue of blood who touched him and was healed,

· orderliness in dividing the crowd up in groups of 100’s and 50’s as he instructed his disciples to feed them before sending them home,

· boldness in confronting the Pharisees,

· availability to bless the children when they came to him,

We could continue on and find recorded events in Scripture when Jesus is the perfect example of all the character qualities (that would be a great study!)

I recently heard a sermon by a Pastor Davis who taught his congregation on character and at the end of the sermon read the passage of Jesus feeding the 5000. He asked children 12 years old and younger to raise their hands and tell what character qualities they could see from the lives of either Jesus or his disciples in this passage. The kids came up with 13 different character qualities in just this one passage of Scripture. What a great idea for family devotions!!! The first step in teaching your children to be boys and girls of character is to teach them simple definitions for each character quality and a verse from Scripture for each. After they understand what it means, you can then design projects to help them internalize it into their everyday lives. Kids of Character study and flashcards is a tool we designed to help you do just that with your children.

2. The second reason to study character is to understand why trials come into our lives. God is using our trials for a purpose- to conform us to the image of Jesus Christ. A wise man once said, “Our trials are custom-made” for each of us. When we learn to properly respond to our trials, we get grace from God and develop in our lives more of the positive character quality. When we respond negatively, we see more of the negative character trait grow in our lives.

3. The third reason to teach our kids character is help them get the guidance they need for everyday life. Prov. 11:3 says the integrity of the upright will guide them. When your child learns to respond with the character of Christ, he will receive the guidance he needs in everyday life. When he chooses to be truthful, more truthfulness will be built into his life. If he chooses not to be truthful, deceptiveness will grow in his life. When we respond to life’s situations with godly character, we will be receptive to God’s will for our lives

4. We should guide our children in studying character so they may experience the blessings of God. Psalm 18:20 says “ The Lord rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath He recompensed me.”

When your child learns to choose truthfulness, he will receive the blessings of truthfulness. When he chooses responsibility he will receive the blessings of being responsible, when he chooses joyfulness, others will enjoy being around him, etc.

We'll cover more reasons next week!

~Marilyn

Part 1: The Importance of Teaching Character to Your Children

2011-08-13T08:03:00.000-04:00

Praising Character

Why is it we so often forget to praise our children? As parents we are responsible to steer them in the right direction and because of that we tend to focus on the negative. Sometimes our kids get the impression that we are not easy to please. Praise is a huge motivator and we need to remember to be lavish with our praise for our children.

Why is it when we do think to praise our children we tend to praise them for the wrong things? Think about it- we tend to praise others for achievement, accomplishments, knowledge, position, physical strength or physical looks. When we do that it tends to create in our kids- pride, vanity, jealousy and contention and strife.

Instead, we should praise our children for their character. When we praise them for their diligence for instance, it inspires them to be more diligent. When we praise them for their initiative, they begin looking for more ways to meet the needs of others without even being asked. When we praise them for their responsibility, they step up and feel the inner satisfaction in working hard to fulfill their given chores. In order for our children to work on implementing character in their lives, they need to understand what character is.

In essence, the study of character is the study of our God. Character qualities are just the character reflected to us in the life of our Savior. When we teach character to our kids we are helping them to be more like Jesus which is the very reason we were created.

Phillipians 3:10 says “That I may know Him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death.” We learn character that we may better know our God.

Remember as you prepare for the upcoming school year to plan and prepare to teach character to your children. It’s the most important subject you will ever teach. In the next couple of weeks, I am going to share with you several reasons I have made it my priority in the home education of my children.

~Marilyn

August Giveaway Winner!

2011-08-09T08:20:00.001-04:00

"Rebecca"

is our winner with her post that said

"I became a follower of the blog."

Congratulations, Rebecca!!

Thanks to ALL of you who participated in the Giveaway!!

winner was chosen using random.org

August Giveaway!

2011-08-08T07:27:00.003-04:00

**This Giveaway is now closed!**

It's a new month, and that means it's time for another giveaway!

Proverbs People Collection

$67.00 Value!
Winner will be announced on Tuesday morning. Check back on the blog!

Proverbs People Collection features Proverbs People workbooks I and II, our most popular products for children aged seven to twelve. In addition, it includes Proverbs People flash cards providing two Bible verses for each character type presented in the Proverbs People workbooks. The collection also features the 5-cd set, Uncle Rick Reads the Proverbs. Pop one of these cd’s in at naptime, bedtime or travel time and your children will hear Uncle Rick read and explain the entire book of Proverbs. They will memorize God’s word effortlessly and can go to sleep each night meditating on its mighty truth. Help your child experience the power of Scripture through character study and reinforced listening as well!

Here's How to Enter:

**NOTE: "Anonymous" comments will not be considered.

1. Post a Comment telling us where you first heard about or met the Boyers/The Learning Parent (for example: VA homeschool conference, On this Blog, Friend, Facebook, etc.)

For additional entires, you can:
1. Become a "Follower" of this blog and tell us that you did....(see the left side column near the bottom)
2. Mention this giveaway on Facebook and/or Twitter and then tell us that you did. (this time we are not looking for people to tell us that they follow us on FB)

Be sure to post a separate comment for each thing you do!

winner will be chosen using random.org

please, no international entries

Character Matters

2011-07-29T22:19:00.000-04:00

Hello. I am your child’s future employer. No doubt you’ve thought about me, though we haven’t met. You’re teaching your child at home because you want the best future possible for him (or her). One of the things you’re concerned about is your child’s preparation for a career. That’s wise. Everybody has to make a living doing something, and it’s not a good idea to wait until they’re grown up and on their own before some preparation is made for that. So I’m going to do you a favor. I’m going to tell you in advance what I’m looking for in a young person I’m considering hiring.

Because of your own schooling, you may be more concerned about grades and tests than you should be. They make a big deal out of such things in school, but frankly I couldn’t care less. Sure, I want your kid to be literate when he comes to see me about a job. I need basic reading, communication and math skills. But I don’t care what your kid’s SAT score was. That doesn’t translate into a good employee.

If you stop to think about it, you don’t care all that much, either. As a consumer, have you ever asked the plumber, your doctor or the Chief of the fire department what sort of test scores he had in school? No. You’re not concerned about what he did twenty years ago as a student; you want to know what he can do now. As a professional. For you.

That’s where I’m coming from. I’ve had bright kids and slow kids work for me and I’ve seen good and bad in both. I don’t see any way that real intelligence can be measured on tests, but even if it can, that’s not what makes an employee a winner in my eyes. I’ve had too many intelligent jerks on the payroll.

I’ll tell you what I’m looking for. And if you’re smart and if you want the best for your kid, you’ll pay attention. I’ve been in business for a long time. I’ve hired a lot of people and I’ve had to fire quite a few. It’s not fun being a boss at a time like that, but it comes with the territory. I can’t afford to employ your kid because he needs a job or he’s a nice person or because you’re a personal friend of mine. But I’ll tell you what will make me eager to be your kid’s employer and I can say it in one word. That word is character.

Yes, I said character. With a capital C. I’m not looking for young people who know everything; I’m looking for young people who are good people. I can teach them the job skills they need, but only you can teach them good character.

To start with, I need the character quality of honesty. You’d be surprised how hard it is to find people I can trust to come to work, do their jobs and not walk out with a bunch of my property. Besides stealing from me, which is terrible, it’s even worse when employees steal from my customers. The people who do business here trust me, and I take that seriously. I won’t keep an employee who delivers a product or service that is less than the customer intended to pay for. If I send an employee to your home to make a delivery or perform some work, I don’t want to have to worry about him lifting some of your jewelry or silver. If I can’t trust an employee’s basic honesty, I can never have a moment’s peace or rest.

I need diligent people. People who don’t have to be horsewhipped to keep them working at a responsible pace. I’m not a slave driver, but I want a real hour’s work for an agreed-upon hour’s pay. That doesn’t sound like I’m asking for much, does it? Yet you’d be amazed at how few people have any sense of obligation about it. That is, you’d be amazed if you’ve never been an employer.

I need humble people. People who don’t know everything and don’t mind being told there’s a better way to do it and are willing to do things the way I prefer, just because I prefer it. After all, I’m writing the check. I want what I want for that money, just as much as you want the exact product or service you expect when you’re writing the check as a customer.

I need loyal people. I don’t ask anybody to work for me forever; I understand that people sometimes need to better themselves vocationally or just want to move on to something different. And I understand that loyalty is a two-way street. I try to take care of my people. All I ask is that they give me a decent amount of consideration and act as if I have needs, too. Because I do.

I need people who are respectful. If your kids backtalk you all the time, if they’re mouthy and rude, please don’t send them to me. I know they’re driving you crazy, and they’ll do the same to me. Worse, they’ll be a thorn in the flesh to their supervisor and co-workers. Your kid does not have enough talent to make up for the problems he’ll cause here if he doesn’t respect authority and—well, just basic human dignity. If he doesn’t respect people I don’t need him.

I need people who are thorough. A lick and a promise just aren’t good enough for my customers. Surely you’ve had the experience of paying good money for a car with hidden defects, an overdone steak, kitchen knives that won’t stay sharp or a cup of lukewarm coffee. Don’t send me your kid with a resume in his hand if he won’t follow through on projects and get it done all the way.

A little patience would be helpful, too. Your kid will have to work with bosses, fellow employees and customers. If he can’t control his temper and put forth the effort to hide his natural irritations a bit, he’ll constantly be waging word-wars with the other workers and probably some of the people who give us their money in exchange for our services. After all, they’re people too. They occasionally have a bad hair day and may need a little forbearance. If an employee has the maturity to control his temper, we can satisfactorily do business with most people. If not, a moody customer may become an ex-customer. I can’t afford that.

Have you ever thought about contentment as a job qualification? By that I don’t mean a guy who never wants to rise above his present position in the company. I like ambition and I respect it. I reward it in my company; the person who is always trying to be better gets raises and promotions here. The contentment I’m talking about is the willingness to tolerate the little discomforts of the present situation and accept them as a normal part of life. One of the most annoying things for an employer is workers who constantly gripe. Nothing is ever good enough for them. If something about the work or the company policies or the boss is less than ideal, these folks make sure to spread the discontent. Suffering in silence is not an option, nor is going through the chain of command and trying to work out a reasonable solution. No, these types have to gripe and fuss and make it a lousy day at work for everybody around them. It never seems to occur to them that I really try to make this a good place to work. Or that there are limitations on me as well, and I can’t control every little detail of the situation. For Pete’s sake, we’re not being paid to have a party, we’re being paid to do what the customer wants us to do. We can try to have everything just like we want it after work, but even then it’s pretty hard to pull off.

Finally, I’d appreciate it if you’d teach your kid some prudence. I mean good, old-fashioned common sense. Some of the people who have worked here didn’t seem to know enough to come in out of the rain. The sort of people you have to leave a trail of bread crumbs for if you want them to get to the right place at the right time. Call it prudence, call it good sense, call it wisdom if you want to. It’s an aspect of character that reduces waste in time, energy and expense. It’s critical to productivity, efficiency and even safety. You wouldn’t believe some of the stupid things I’ve seen people do, causing endless problems for others and even putting fellow employees in danger. Just because of a lack of judgment. Prudence.

I’m not saying your kid has to be a cherub to work here. I’m not perfect and neither is anybody else in the company. All I’m asking is that applicants show up with a good attitude and act like they have a decent degree of consideration for the needs of others. If they have that attitude they will meet the needs of the job and climb up the career ladder at a good pace.

So if I may offer a little advice from the other side of the employment relationship, teach your kids first and foremost to be people of character. They’ll make the workplace a better place for themselves and everybody else. If they work for me, I’ll see to it that they make more money, get more appreciation, and rise faster in position than any straight-A whiz kid who ever walked through my door thinking he was doing me a favor by applying for a job here. A young person of character can do well in my business or in any business where he chooses to work.

Come to think of it though, that may not last long. Young people like that usually end up being their own boss.

~Rick

Related Products:

Be sure to check out our Character Concepts Series of Resources. Our goal is equip you, the parent, with the tools you need to successfully teach your children the principles of good Character!

Kids of Character

Flashcards, Study Workbook, or Set

How to Raise Kids of Character (CD or DVD)

A Few Thoughts on Life with Toddlers....

2011-07-14T21:51:00.002-04:00

I had always heard, “Watch out for those terrible two’s”. I really don’t think it has anything to do with being two – sometimes it’s being three. But it doesn’t have to be terrible. It’s just another “season” and as always, each toddler handles it differently according to their God-given personality and how you handle it. Some children are very sensitive and respond to “no” by crying. Others are headstrong and test the limits. You and your husband need to get your heads together (over a steak dinner, of course) and set a few but simple rules of behavior. Don’t expect your child to automatically know what you expect. I remember Carrie, at about a year old, couldn’t talk very well yet, and would want to communicate with me, but couldn’t get her point across, so she would scream. This “season” didn’t last terribly long, but I tried to put myself in her shoes. She was number eight in the lineup, it was hard to get a word in edgewise, and she had trouble mustering up the words anyway. I would try to ask her what the problem was and remedy the situation, but it wasn’t always easy. Neither would it have been right to just spank her and expect quietness. She had a frustration and couldn’t express it so she had to be taught how to properly express it. It was just a blip in her training.

The main thing to remember is to deal with your children reasonably and with understanding, as you would want God to deal with you.

Then there’s Laura, a little bundle of energy (my only child who loved the wind in her face as an infant). She was constantly on the go and making noise. She threw herself into life and made the most of it – loudly. (Her brother coined a special nickname for her: “Mouthy.”) I have memories of her as a 15-month old, as I was trying to do school with the others, sitting in the middle of the kitchen table delightedly taking caps off markers and flinging them wildly in every direction. She didn’t need a spanking, just loving re-direction.

Life with a toddler doesn’t always flow smoothly, but neither does it need to be a constant battle of wills. Stop, pray, ask God for wisdom, try to put yourself in your child’s shoes, and then correct them. Realize that firmness doesn’t mean meanness. The creativity of God is available for the asking.

As a parent, don’t let your emotions go unbridled. Go to God first, get your emotions right, and then correct your child. Learn to distinguish childishness from disobedience. There is a difference. Don’t expect your toddler to act like an adult. Remember not to react as a toddler might, but ask God to guide your correction.

Potty training doesn’t have to be and shouldn’t be a big deal. There comes a time in each toddler’s life when they’re ready, really ready, and if you can be patient and let it occur naturally, it won’t be a big deal. Society tends to put pressure on us to have our kids potty trained, and young moms will get together and compare notes on what age little Tommy and Susie were potty trained. My kids were late, compared to others, and each one was different from the next, but somewhere between two and four years old they were potty trained. I’ve found usually when children are trained early, it’s more mom being trained to run them to the potty every fifteen minutes than anything else. I didn’t have time or interest for that. Training my kids in God’s Word was a priority, not using the potty.

When interest came up, I’d show them how, and sometimes give small rewards for using the potty, but I never pressured them or shamed them when they had an accident. When they’re a little older, they can wait longer periods of time, and you won’t have the problem of having to stop at every public toilet in town. When they’re staying dry all night and interested in trying, then begin training, but if you find they’re just not catching on, big deal. It’s easier to change diapers than having accidents to clean up all over the house and car.

I never had much of a problem with bed wetters by waiting until they were a little older. Often, when a child feels pressure to use the potty and shame or disappointment at accidents, they’ll get over-cautious about it and focus on it too much and be afraid of failing. Let them be free to learn in God’s timing.

Just relax. If they have trouble with wetting the bed, use diapers just at night – it’s usually the deep sleepers that can’t wake up soon enough, but it will come. It’s no big deal. Don’t make them think it is.

At one point, I had three kids in diapers for a few months, but they all learn, and it’s just not important what age they are when physically and mentally it clicks and underpants can be bought. That’s often an incentive in itself. Also, younger kids will often want to wear big boy pants like big brother does!

Actually, the toddler stage is quite delightful. We get so many laughs and so many of our funny family stories from the toddler years. As you try to guide your toddler in right behavior, think how we must appear to God at times and learn from it. Hold those toddlers a lot. Learn what delights them and be a part of it. Take time to hold that toad, pick a flower, do a leaf rubbing, take a walk in the woods. Toddlers are delighted by their world. Capitalize on their interests and teach them truths about God. Start teaching them scripture. Read to them a lot. I remember reading one child’s book over eighteen times in one sitting to my firstborn. Say no to lesser things and spend time with your toddler. Let him know you delight in him and love being with him.

It has been said that much of a child’s character is formed by the time he reaches five years of age. Moses’ mother, during the time until she weaned him (about four or five years) had managed to build in him a love for God and sense of destiny for his life.

The toddler years are building-block years of training and teaching. Don’t let your time be squandered away.

~Marilyn

taken from Parenting from the Heart

We're linked up to: Women Living Well & Raising Homemakers

We Have a Winner!

2011-07-12T08:17:00.000-04:00

Thanks to ALL of you who participated in our first ever giveaway! I'm sure we will be having more opportunities like this for you in the future!

But this time- Our Winner is....

Jamie~ (who commented: I like you on FB, too! I wish I could "love" you, but sadly, that option isn't given. Thanks for this giveaway!)

Congratulations, Jamie! We will be contacting you very soon. We hope you enjoy your Character Concepts for Preschoolers Basic Curriculum!

Jamie was selected using random.org

Since there can only be one winner, we will be offering this Character Concepts Pack along with our other Character Concepts for Preschoolers packs 25% off. Watch for the Sale Email later this week! If you do not receive our Sale Emails- go to The Learning Parent and Sign up today!

Free Giveaway! Character Concepts for Preschoolers Basic Curriculum

2011-07-11T10:04:00.004-04:00

~This Giveaway is now closed~

Congratulations to Jamie~!

The Character Concepts for Preschoolers Basic Pack values at $89.95 and includes:

1. Crossroads of Character: Learning to Make Wise Choices
This colorfully illustrated book teaches your child 12 basic character qualities, vital to your his understanding of how to make wise choices in his everyday life. The Boyer cousins (my grandchildren) are the main characters in the simple, but effective, stories in decision making. The goal is to teach your child the definition of the character qualities (your child can't implement character in their lives without understanding what it is), and also teaches them a Scripture verse (what God says about it).

2. History for Preschoolers CD
Uncle Rick has recorded a CD set with stories of American heroes who also illustrate these character qualities in their lives. We supply a picture of these heroes in our Mom's Guide so you can show them to your child as they listen to these Uncle Rick character stories.

3. Learning Character with the Cousins Flashcards
These flashcards present the character qualities found in Crossroads of Character, the definition, and the Scripture verse. Full-color pictures on the flashcards also make memorizing easier, as the child will remember the story that is associated with each Character Quality.

4. Learning ABC's with the Cousins Flashcards
A set of photographic flashcards for learning the alphabet sounds.

5. Hands-on Character Building
Proven ideas and projects for teaching character.

6. Mom's Guide
Supplies you with the information and plan to effectively teach your preschoolers for a full 36-week period. Patterns are given for seasonal and educational crafts. Suggestions are made for family fun trips to help make learning fun, and as a bonus, over 30 recipes are included for fun food to make with your preschooler.

Also included are Bible stories and pictures of a person in Scripture who illustrates this character quality in their life. Provided for your use are coloring pages for your child to use as you read them the Bible story provided.

The Mom's Guide really does guide you through the curriculum- step by step- our goal was to make it as easy for mom as possible!

(you can see inside this product at The Learning Parent)

Here's how to Enter:

a. "Like" us on facebook and then leave a comment here on this post that tells us that you did!

b. If you already "like" us on facebook, leave a comment on this post, and tell us that you're already a fan!

Winner will be announced on Tuesday, July 12!
We'll post the winner's name here on the blog and we'll contact you, the winner, via facebook

**Some of you have asked if you can enter this giveaway if you are not on Facebook. This time, we are limiting it to people who are Facebook users since those were the rules that we originally gave.We realize that this does exclude some of you- but I am sure we will be offering more giveaways in the future that can include all of you. We are new at doing these giveaways and are still trying to work out some of the little kinks along the way. We thought starting with Facebook users would be a good starting point.

Thanks for your interest!

~Kari Boyer

Winner will be chosen on Tuesday, July 12

Winners will be decided by random.org, using the True Random Number Generator

Keep it Simple

2011-07-08T07:12:00.002-04:00

Stop Making a School of Yourself.

The biggest problem most home school moms have is the one in their own heads: schoolishness. It’s not surprising. After all, we all grew up in the factory schools where one size misfits all and you’re taught the same things in the same way with the same materials at the same age. As if people had no individual personalities at all.
So we approach teaching our children with a head full of presuppositions from having seen things done a certain way all our growing-up years. And we find ourselves doing things that don’t make sense and which make life harder, not easier for us and our kids. We make Johnny finish all the practice problems in the math book even though he has already demonstrated mastery and is bored to tears with the useless repetition. Let him turn the page! We interrupt Susy in the middle of writing an exciting story because the clock says it is “time for” her to memorize some list of facts. We jump though all the hoops prescribed by the teacher’s guide just because it says to—even if it burns up time that would be better used for a library trip or an experiment with some yucky thing a little boy found growing in the woods.
We worry about “gaps” in our program. As if anyone could really write a complete life curriculum. If you take that idea to its logical conclusion, there is a gap in your own education for every question you ever answered incorrectly on a test.

Mom, lighten up. Trust yourself. God did—that’s why He placed those children in your care. You’re living life as a dedicated Christian adult. You already know what it takes to walk the walk. Trust the fact that God entrusted little lives to you. He knows you can lead them through these years in a way that will prepare them for the years to come. Teach them the things you’re glad you learned as a kid and the things you wish you had. Introduce them to important books and interesting people. Take them places that will make them think and ask questions... And do it as a family, not as part of a support group mob.

Get them involved in service projects, teaching them by experience that the world doesn’t revolve around them. Find opportunities for them to trade real work for real money, even in little bits. They need the experience of seeing the value of time by trading it for something of measurable worth.

Want to make home schooling simpler? Trust yourself to make decisions and God to guide you. Worship Him instead of a curriculum publisher. Design an individual life curriculum for each child as you go. Use published materials where they seem to work well, but realize that learning is all around you all the time. Cultivate in yourself a curiosity about the world around you, and your children will learn to learn by watching you getting an education. Take advantage of the incidental opportunities for learning that come along. Encourage the kids’ individual interests—even if they’re not interesting to you—knowing that one interest leads to another and the learning goes on and on.
In other words, cultivate a lifestyle of learning and serving, then lead your children through it. That will prepare them for whatever later life may bring.
It’s really not that complicated unless you make it that way. Keep it simple.

~Rick Boyer
For More on this Subject See: Home Educating with Confidence and Homeschooling: Keeping it Simple

One Nation, Under God

2011-07-01T15:25:00.000-04:00

George Washington said. “No people can be bound to acknowledge and adore the invisible hand which conducts in the affairs of men more than the people of the United States. Every step by which they have advanced to the character of an independent nation seems to have been distinquished by some token of Providential agency…We ought to be no less persuaded that the propitious smiles of heaven cannot be expected on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right, which heaven itself has ordained.”

Let me tell you about an instance of this marvelous Hand of God in behalf of the colonists during the American Revolution. It happened at Dorchester Heights. At the time, the British were occupying Boston, 10, 000 strong. Washington felt compelled to fortify Dorchester Heights to try to drive the British away. During the night the soldiers carried bales of hay and drove wagons with fortification supplies up the hill in darkness and utmost quietness. It was a hazy night, down at the foot of the hill, that is. Once the men got to the top, it was crystal clear and they could see to build their fortifications.

In the morning when the British general awoke, he was stunned to see that the colonial army occupied the hill! He was reported to have said, “The American army got more done in one night than my men would have gotten done in 6 months!

Still, he prepared his cannons on his ships to take the hill. The colonists had no cannons at this point. That night a “natural disaster” occurred in favor of the American troops. A terrible storm blew up such as no one had seen. It blew the British ships into disarray and broke their masts. In the morning, the General saw his ships wrecked and knew by the time he got things repaired, the Americans would have had time enough to have a real advantage.

Rev. William Gordon, a local preacher, later said, “When I heard in the night how amazingly strong the wind blew I pleased myself with the reflection that the Lord might be working delivery for us and thus prevent the diffusion of human blood. It proved to be so.”

Without the shedding of a drop of blood, the British quickly withdrew their 10, 000 soldiers from the city of Boston on March 17, 1776. The victory at Dorchester Heights gave great confidence to the Americans!

John Quincy Adams,son of John Adams later wrote, “Posterity, you will never know how much it has cost my generation to preserve your freedom. I hope you will make good use of it.” That statement pierced me deeply. We have forgotten what it cost! We, in most cases, never truly learned what it cost. We are ignorant. God grant that we may change that fact and rediscover these truths, teach them to our children and pray that God will once again pour out His blessing on our land!

~Marilyn

Age Appropriate Chores

2011-06-02T18:39:00.000-04:00

It is during the summer months that I assign chores to each of the kids and train them how to properly do their chores. They then keep those chores during the next "school" year so it flows more smoothly by having the chore training done before the usual busyness and readjusting that comes with a new school year.

Initially, I just made a list of all the chores that needed to be done in our home. Every summer then, I evaluate who is best equipped to do which chores, (based on age and maturity) some of which I reserve for myself depending on the maturity levels of the kids at the time. I then do the chores with each child to explain how I want it done. Kids don't just automatically know what you expect of them, so we do it together for a few times until I feel they understand how to do it properly. Then after they begin doing it on their own, I will check up on how it's been done. Maybe I missed explaining an important piece of information, so if it's not done right, I have them watch me one more time. Inspections need to be done on a regular basis though, and sometimes I may need to call them back to complete it thoroughly. If you end up having to interrupt them when they are doing something fun in their free time to come back and do it correctly, they will learn to do it right the first time!

I have been asked by moms to share with you my list of chores. I will give a rough idea of what ages are able to do which chores, but that is very dependent on each individual child, so you will have to evaluate that separately for each child. Note that any child can do the chores that younger kids can do, so don't hold to the age suggested very tightly.

Another tip: Often the older kids can help train the younger. When Nate and Josh had the job of cleaning the bathrooms, I told them if they could train Matt and Emily to do it properly, next year it would Matt and Emily's job. They were very motivated to train them correctly!!

Here's our list to help you out based on some of the needs we have had over the years. Your's will be unique to your situation.

~Marilyn
Chores 2-5 year olds can do:

wall washing
cleaning base boards
cleaning door knobs
feed animals
dusting louvered doors with feather duster
clean leather furniture with leather wipes

Chores for 6 years and older

dusting
vacuuming
sweeping
mopping
wipe table and counters
wash dishes or load dishwasher
dry dishes of unload dishwasher and put away
empty trash
organize bookcases
clean up after the dog
clean cobwebs
vacuum furniture
dust blinds
wash windows
clean fireplace doors
organize telephone book drawer
straighten cabinets
straighten linen closet
fold laundry- put away
pick up yard
upkeep of flower beds- pick dead heads off flowers, water, weed, etc
clean car

8 years and up

clean car
mow
clean shed
clean ashes out of wood stove
bring wood to wood pile
bake bread
make breakfast muffins
make lunch
plan meals
watch baby while you are busy in the house
do fun projects with little ones

Modesty: From a Guy's Point of View

2011-04-26T07:38:00.000-04:00

Our son Matt was recently asked to answer a few questions about modesty from a guys point of view for a blog. You can find the original post here. I encourage you to read more from the Stay at Home Daughter blog, which belongs to Ashley Schnarr, who also has written the book, Keeping House While Keeping Sane, which the Learning Parent offers to you. (check it out today for a special price)

Modesty: From a Guy's Point of View

Question #1: Do you think modesty is something women should be concerned about, or is it not really very important to consider when choosing clothing?

Answer: Indeed, it is. In fact, scripture specifically commands it: I Timothy 2:8-10, “I desire….that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works”. Considering that these instructions were given in the context of a local church, it would seem that the implication is that women should dress and behave in such a way as to avoid causing distraction when the Body gathers. Distraction could come from either (1) indecent clothing that would catch the attention of men and feed sexual desires (hence the reference to propriety), or (2) from very costly attire that could incite other, less prosperous women to jealousy (thus, moderation). Conversely, scripture has nothing positive to say about women who dress immodestly (see Prov. 7:10 which, while it addresses far more than the attire of the woman it refers to, does include her dress as one of the ways she entices men).

Question # 2: Do you believe modesty is only about clothing, or is it also a heart/attitude issue?

Answer: Modesty in attire and behavior is an outworking of a proper attitude of submission toward God and one’s husband (I Peter 3:1-6). It should not be seen as a way of earning favor with God or obtaining spiritual maturity; rather it should be a result of the Holy Spirit applying God’s Word to the heart of the believer. The more we learn of God, and the more mature we become, the more we will desire to obey his commands.

Question # 3: Do you believe modesty is only at the discretion of the woman wearing the clothing, or is it also the role/responsibility of another to ensure a woman is dressing modestly? If so, who has this main role/responsibility, and why?

Answer: I believe that the husband has the scriptural authority/responsibility to lead his wife in submitting to scripture in every area. Additionally, a woman who dresses immodestly exposes herself to greater danger from men around her who lack self-control, and it is clearly the husband’s job to protect her from harm. Therefore I think he should have enough concern for her spiritual and physical well-being that he would point out if something in her wardrobe is inappropriate. That is not to say that husbands have to choose their wife’s entire wardrobe (as this could result in major fashion problems), only that they should care enough to be involved-and their wives should heed their counsel.

As to other counselors/authority figures (for single ladies), I’m not sure I could give you a chapter and verse to back this up but I would think it would be very wise to address any modesty-related questions to parents/siblings (particularly fathers and brothers, as they would know first-hand what attracts inappropriate attention from guys).

Question # 4: Do you feel it can be modest and feminine for a woman to wear pants provided they are not too tight?

Answer: Yes; in fact, sometimes it is more modest, considering that there are some very inadequate skirts out there. Also, there are some activities for which pants are better suited.

Question # 5: If a woman dresses modestly is it easier for men to keep their mind focused on the Lord when speaking with her?

Answer: Yes. A man’s passions and desires are, largely, visually driven and it is therefore much easier to keep our focus right when in the presence of a well-dressed young lady.

Let me say at this point that I do not blame men’s struggles with lust entirely, or even mostly, on women’s attire or behavior. If a man stumbles (or dives) into sin he bears the blame for his own actions/thoughts. One can not be tempted to do something that he has no desire to do, and we often find objects for our desires whether or not they present themselves. Sin ultimately begins in the depraved heart, something which no one other than God has the power to change. That having been said, however, women certainly have the choice of whether to be a help or a hindrance to us in this battle. You can be a great encouragement, or a stumbling block depending on how you choose to dress and conduct yourself. I, for one, would like to express my appreciation to those of you who are concerned enough about this issue to even be reading about it, and much more so to be considering it as you make everyday decisions concerning your attire and conduct.

Matt Boyer

Matt Boyer, son of Rick and Marilyn from The Learning Parent, is a young man with a noticeable passion for Christ. I met Matt at our local church where he ministers to the body in song, as an usher and Small Groups leader. Some of his interests range from music, reading, politics and working with his hands.

I’ve been blessed by his excellent insights on a variety of topics including the one above.

Find more articles from this series at the Stay at Home Daughter blog

Easter Cookies with a Gospel Message

2011-04-18T15:36:00.002-04:00

Much like the anticipated tradition of making Christmas cookies, me and my children have made making Easter Cookies a tradition as well. But, aside from enjoying these yummy treats, we like to share them with neighbors and include a message about the true meaning of Easter. Bunnies, eggs, and candies aside- I want to help my kids focus on the message of the gospel.
It is easy- too easy- to find "Spring-time" cookie cutters. But finding some that are actually "Easter" oriented is a little harder. So, I was excited to find this set of cookie cutters at a local grocery store a few years back. The set included a lamb, a church, a cross, (and one other cutter that I did not use.) Amazon.com also carries these cutters...click here.

We just made sugar cookies and I let the kids take turns cutting out the shapes. While doing this, we talked about what each shape could remind us about Easter. After, finishing the cookies, we prepared plates for neighbors and family, and included a little tag with some verses that explained the cookies.

Here are the verses and descriptions I used last year, just to give you an idea. (Feel free to copy and paste and print to use for yourself.)
To make the tag I just cut out each description with verse, individually, and glued them to a colorful piece of construction paper or card stock. It can be as simple as that or you could definitely get more creative with it, too!

If you are giving this small gift to unsaved family or friends, pray with your children that God will use this simple seed in their hearts.

Last year, we took a platter of these cookies to a family get-together, and read the verses out loud before easting them. It was a nice small way to point my kids (and the adults and myself, too!) back to the reason for Easter. Whenever you are able, point your children back to the gospel!

~Kari Boyer

When Siblings Don't Get Along: Part 2- Applying God's Word

2011-04-05T22:02:00.000-04:00

God has created the family to be the training ground for children. Since we are all born with a sin nature, righteous behavior doesn’t come naturally. Therefore, it is our primary job as parents to train our kids to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, and mind. That awesome job requires intentional time put into training them to look to Scripture as the practical guidebook for their lives that supplies them with principles to follow and answers to every dilemma they will face.

Of all the things we teach our children, the most crucial of all is how to find answers to everyday situations in life and learn to make wise choices. Many of us are still trying to learn this ourselves. I’ve found as I spend time teaching my children the application of God’s Word, I am learning it myself!

In my 36 years of child training I have gone to Scripture to find out what it says about teasing, mocking, anger, slothfulness, rudeness, etc. in order to be able to share this with my children. When our children have trouble getting along, which they will, it is actually God’s direction for US to search out insight from Scripture and spend time diligently teaching this to our kids. (BTW, our new character/Bible studies are a result of my years of looking up these Scriptures to teach them to my children. Kids of Character teaches 45 character qualities in simple to understand language and leads the child in searching out what God has to say about them. Growing in Wisdom is from my list of offenses- anger, teasing, mocking etc and leading the children in a study from God’s Word of not only the negative trait, but the corresponding positive as well. The flashcards reinforce the verses to be learned. After sharing with parents for years how we went about it in our family, I finally took the time to get it into a form you and your kids can benefit from without having to dig it all out yourself.)

Let me give you a couple of examples:

Your children are speaking to each other in angry tones. You come in to the situation. Who knows who started it?? No one will ever admit to that. Actually, it really doesn’t matter. They are both making the wrong choice. Proverbs 15:1 teaches us: “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Both children need to learn how to deal with the anger of another. It never solves the problem to snap angrily back at another. Instead, one person needs to apply God’s solution to the situation and then watch God work. God honors his principles. Try giving a soft answer. You will soon see the anger of the other person begin to subside. (If one child is constantly antagonizing the other, then that is another issue that needs to be dealt with.)

As you attempt to lead your children, watch for patterns to emerge. If one child often struggles in a certain area, then that is God’s direction for you to concentrate on teaching them what God’s Word has to say about that sin. We always used the struggles of our child as direction of what Scriptures they needed to be learning. God’s Word never returns void, but if you see a constant battle in your child’s life, that needs to be the focus for their Scripture memory. It is ultimately God’s Word that will change their attitude as they learn to exchange their thoughts for God’s thoughts! (Isaiah 55: 8)

(As you teach your children, if you choose to use our studies, don’t feel like you have to start at page 1 and work through it. If your kids are battling with teasing, begin there. Let conflicts in your home direct your teaching of God’s Word to your children.)

Head knowledge puffeth up. The mind learns information, but we need to move that information to the heart, by practical application, and you as the parent make it your goal to walk your child through their struggles. Show them how the wrong response produces wrong responses in others as well and how God honors and rewards one who chooses to make the wise choices in life. Prepare for an adventure, because it’s a lifestyle we’re talking about. As you lead your child to apply God’s wisdom to his everyday life, God will also reveal sin patterns in your own life that need the application of God’s Word as well.

I was reading a book by George Barna recently on Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions. He claims from his study that “by the age of 13, your spiritual identity is largely set in place.” He advises parents to maximize their influence to train their children in the Scriptures while the child is young. He says, “If you connect with children today, effectively teaching them Biblical principles and foundations from the start, then you will see the fruit of that effort blossom for decades to come. The more diligent we are in these efforts, the more prodigious a harvest we will reap. Alternatively, the more lackadaisical we choose to be in our efforts to raise up children as moral and spiritual champions, the less healthy the Church and society of the future will be. The choice is yours.”

~Marilyn

When Siblings Don't Get Along: Part 1- Why do My Children Argue So Much?

2011-03-15T21:43:00.000-04:00

"Why do my children argue so much?!"

It may be simply because you let them.

Sometimes when your children have conflicts you can plainly identify the cause. One or both has really done wrong to the other and for the situation to be properly handled, somebody needs to confess fault and possibly make restitution. Would that all arguments could be so easily diagnosed!

But then there are those times—those irritating, frustrating times—when siblings bicker and bicker over nothing significant at all. They’re irritated with each other, but for the life of you, you can’t figure out how it started and just what it would take to settle the issue to the satisfaction of both. Or even one of them!

Children are in the process of growing up, and that includes learning how to resolve conflicts with others. And it is the most natural thing in the world for the family to be the first arena in which they practice. They need the opportunity to exercise and develop their skills at negotiation, their ability to express frustration appropriately, and even their ability to forgive. If conflicts never happened in the family, the acquiring of these important interpersonal skills would have to wait until the children encountered conflicts with others outside the family. That’s not God’s plan.

But there are times when it’s obvious that there is no progress being made toward resolution and the two siblings in question are just venting their irritation with each other. They are petulant, irritable and prickly. That’s when it’s time to call a halt.

I believe in giving kids time to settle their arguments on their own. It’s good for them. But I don’t allow spiteful bickering to go on indefinitely. Very shortly after it becomes evident that progress has halted while the fuming goes full speed ahead, I will say something like, “Hey, you guys. You’ve had time to settle this already. Now I suggest you settle it in the next sixty seconds or so, or I will settle it for you.”

They know that I will try to be fair, but that the end result may not be exactly what either party wants. Usually they manage to resolve things before the sixty seconds are up.

I know a lady who raised five children on the family farm. When her children were growing up, she would sometimes say something like, “Well, we have a lot of fighting going on here. Somebody must have too much energy going to waste. Jerry, why don’t you go out and hoe the potatoes? Amanda, your room could stand a good cleaning. Tommy and Ed, the chicken house needs to be cleaned out. Let’s not let all this great energy be wasted on arguments!” Usually when the chores were done they found that they didn’t really have an urge to renew the battle.

Moral of the story: If you can find a root cause in the argument, deal with it. But if it’s more of a petty bickering situation than a true justice issue, give them some time to settle their differences and let them know you’ll do it if they can’t. They may surprise both you and themselves with the rapid improvement in their conflict resolution skills.

~Rick Boyer

George Washington

2011-03-02T21:38:00.000-05:00

I’m audio recording a biography of George Washington that was written in 1895 for sale on our web site. This may seem extreme, but I’m dead serious when I say that tears came to my eyes as I read the first two pages.

I guess I’m jaded from living in a culture that devalues history and heroes. But reading this great old book for young people hit me with a powerful reminder that we used to be different.

When this book was written, and even when I was a boy, Washington was held up as a bona fide hero. We believed in heroes then, not “role models.” For a man to be considered a hero, he had to have more qualifications than being good at sports or starring in stage productions or making lots of money. He had to have an old-fashioned attribute known as character.

Today, the trend is to devalue and debunk people who demonstrate character, and especially historical characters once held in almost reverence.

One of the blessings of having real heroes in our lives is that they call us to our highest and best, rather than accommodating us at our lowest and least. Washington was such a man, and for generations he was held up to boys and girls as a man worth emulating. God help us, we’ve nearly forgotten him.

Presidents Day is a mockery. It lumps giants like Washington in with midgets like Harding, Carter and Clinton. We need to start celebrating Washington’s birthday again, in our homes if the public isn’t wise enough to acknowledge the occasion. It would be a great idea to read from his Maxims or his Farewell Address, which used to be taught to school children as a model of wise and constitutional government.

Lord, we need heroes today. Maybe if we rediscover the ones in our history we will inspire our children to greatness again.

~Rick

To read more articles by Rick, visit his new blog!

We Recommend:

The True Story of George Washington Bestseller!!

When Washington Crossed the Deleware

Life of Washington

Bulletproof George Washington

Building Loving Relationships Within Your Family: Part 3

2011-02-23T20:01:00.001-05:00

Encourage Communication

When we experience problems within the family our natural tendency is to shove it under the rug, so to speak, and hope it's just a stage someone is going through and it will go away. Instead, we need to train ourselves to run toward our problems, not away from them. Early in the development of our family, I remember being frustrated by character issues in the kids or lack of resources I needed to accomplish my job (like the need for more bookshelves or storage containers). One day, Rick encouraged me to write down my frustrations of the day. What I found was that it wasn't 100 things going wrong, but more like 2 or 3 that kept occurring again and again so that it seemed like 100 things. If it was a physical item that I needed such as a bookcase, we wrote it on a priority list to attend to when we had the time and means to get it. It made me feel better just to have determined the need and see that Rick would attend to it when able. It was then that we sat down and came up with a solution for the character needs we saw in our kids at the time.

One of the frustrations I remember recording that day was my oldest son coming inside, hollering for me from one end of the house to the other, making the dog bark, the baby cry, and setting my nerves on edge. When we isolated the problem, we realized he wasn't trying to do wrong and we hadn't taught him to do differently. We used the verse in I Corinthians 14:40 and then made up a chart, guiding him in the correct way to act- walk inside, quietly look for mom and then ask his question. Rick was more than willing to comply when it was explained to him what we expected him to do. We then added to our character chart when the kids would do other things that needed further guidance. It changed our focus to learn to look at problems more like projects than to feel overwhelmed by them.

I've found it a helpful principle to try to step into the shoes of my children and remember what it was like to be a kid. Instead of instantly reacting to our kids we need to stop and consider why they are feeling and responding the way they are. Things are not always what they seem at face value. I would try to give my kids the benefit of the doubt and encourage them to tell me how they were feeling or how they viewed situations. We tend to think everyone thinks like we do, but nothing could be further from the truth. We all see life from our own perspective, and it takes time to train ourselves to step out of our shoes and into the shoes of our children. We need to handle their hearts with compassion and understanding, not just firmness. It only helps a situation to ask questions and not feel like we have to blurt out all the answers before we consider the matter from our child's point of view. I'm not saying we need to excuse wrongdoing or wrong attitudes, but we need to understand before we are able to deal effectively with it. Our children's hearts must be handled with care. When we do this, they will then be able to trust us to deal in their best interests and they will respond to our instruction with trust.

As you deal with sibling conflicts, encourage each child to communicate with you and each other so you have the benefit of stepping into the shoes of both children involved before you help them to work out a solution. (More about this topic next month)

As our children grew older, we found them asking how we arrived at our values, and instead of feeling threatened at their questions we learned to allow them the freedom to ask and used the opportunity to explain how we had arrived at the values we held to. I would notice sometimes after the little kids had gone to bed at night that sometimes one of the older kids would kind of hanging around the living room. This became a key to me that they possibly had something on their minds that they needed to talk over with me. Some of the best talks I've had with my older kids was late at night when everyone else was asleep and our house was finally quiet. The groundwork you lay when your children are little by trying to step into their shoes and view life from their point of view will make them want to come to you when they are older. They will know they can trust your heart, that you care about them more than you care about yourself.

Purpose to be the kind of parent you're kids will want to spend time with. Keep the vision before you on tough days when you feel overwhelmed with all the details of life. You are doing what you do to serve the Savior who died that you might live! Your kids are His creation and He has given you the privilege of raising them for Him! What an awesome privilege!

~Marilyn

Building Loving Relationships Within Your Family: Part 2

2011-02-16T21:15:00.000-05:00

Appreciate each other’s differences

Another thing that promotes close relationships within families is to teach your children to appreciate each other’s differences. In a family, there should be a spirit of cooperation fostered rather than a spirit of competition. God has uniquely shaped each individual within your family as a special part of his creation. We’re not all supposed to be alike or do things at the same time or the same way. Point out each other’s strengths and tell your children how God created each one of them to fulfill purposes that only they can accomplish. God took precise care in all the specific details of personality, talents, desires, etc. that uniquely make up who each of your children is, and God makes no mistakes. Even in homeschooling, you will find one child learns certain subjects more easily and struggles with something else. This is normal.

Within the family, you need to teach your children that God made us all different. Through the years as the kids were growing up, I would never let the older kids say, "Oh, that is so easy!" when a younger sibling was struggling with their work. I would tell them it wasn't as easy for them when they were younger, and even if it was a subject they excelled in there were things they struggled with. It wasn't right to make a younger sibling feel "dumb". When we learn to appreciate each person, we can better begin to help each one with the special “missions or exploits” God has given each to do. As I learned to teach to the passions of each child, the other kids would come to see how each one did really have special areas of interest and how God had equipped them with natural talents or personality to accomplish those interests.

Our goal should be to cultivate a kind of “team spirit” in your kids. When one child is exploring his passion in a certain pursuit then everyone else can chip in with ways God has gifted them to help each other accomplish their goals. Team spirit, or rather, family cohesiveness is learned as your family takes on projects to serve others. Whether you are taking your little ones by the hand and showing them how to serve an elderly person or a mom with a new baby or as you join your older children in projects they attempt, the closeness of your family is a natural byproduct. Even as my children have grown to adulthood and established families of their own, they still are each other’s best friends. When one is involved in any project, such as buying and fixing up an old house, or campaigning for a good candidate, or bringing meals to a family under stress or watching the kids to give them a break, or whatever, everyone else chips in and helps them out. Their loyalties are strong and their tendencies are to look for ways to help each other when a need arises.

Spend time together

The way society tends to do things is everyone participates in activities with kids his own age and although a family lives together in the same house, their social spheres are totally separate from one another. I remember this as a child. My sister, who was eight years older than I was, lived in our house, but our paths often never crossed.

One day I asked each of my children why they were glad they were homeschooled. I love what my son Matt said. “I got to really know my family, instead of just meeting up with them in the evening.” To effectively build close relationships, you have to be together! When you are supplying a mom’s taxi and constantly going to and fro, it’s a distraction to enjoying one another’s company. I had to learn to say no to lots of “good” things, both for myself and my kids. The possibilities of good activities to be involved in are limitless! Especially when your children are young, resist the pressure to have them involved in every activity or opportunity that comes along. Our goal is not to raise well rounded kids, but spiritually prepared servants of God, providentially placed within our families to first be a blessing to each other and then to reach out to bless the lives of those around us. We as parents need to come alongside our children and train them to be sensitive to the needs of first of all siblings and then others whom our lives touch. It is a lifestyle. I would caution you to remember you don’t have forever with your kids. Some days it may seem that way, but believe me, the day comes sooner than you would wish when they are grown and your opportunities for training are over. I will never regret having spent “too much time” with my children. The days went by so quickly. Once today is over, you’ll never get it back. If we are too busy for each other, we are too busy!

More next week

~Marilyn

Building Loving Relationships Within Your Family: Part 1

2011-02-09T20:40:00.002-05:00

Laying a Strong Foundation

One of the biggest advantages I’ve seen from homeschooling my family has been the lasting relationships that have been built over the years. My kids are each other’s best friends! This month’s focus for the blog will be sharing with you some of the factors that help to foster this type of relationship.

In the early years: Lay a Strong Foundation.

You may wonder what some of these first points have to do with Building Loving Relationships within Your Family! But, notice I titled this section “Laying a Strong Foundation”- because there is some groundwork to be laid, some foundational principles and concepts that will help grow godly relationships. Your children need to know your love and God’s love, your discipline and God’s discipline, God’s Word needs to be present in your home- in order for them to know how to properly love others. So, first things first:

Children are, the Bible tells us, a blessing from the Lord. Over the years, when we would learn a new baby was coming, we would tell our children that God was sending them a new baby brother or sister and it was a special gift to our family from God. When the baby arrived I would always try to make feeding time for the baby a special time when I would read to the toddler next in line age-wise. Then, instead of resenting the time mom was spending with the baby, they would look forward to it. I would involve them in getting diapers or choosing blankets or outfits to put on their new baby. I would talk in a little voice pretending I was the baby, telling my big brother or sister how happy I was that they were my big brother/sister and how much I loved them. They, of course would verbalize their love for the baby which affected their attitude toward the new one instead of building resentment that mom was so often busy with someone other than them.

Teach your children that God is omnipresent. In other words, He sees all and is with us all the time! We taught our children the verse, “Thou God seest me” (Gen 16:13) We told them that God was watching them all the time and He was there for them all the time. This not only builds a healthy fear of the Lord. (“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”), but it gives them the comfort of knowing God is there to help them always as well.

Establish Biblical guidelines for behavior in your family. The Bible is the one constant, the light for their path. Learn to use the Bible to redirect misbehavior to instead focus on learning godly character. It is our duty to God and to others to learn how to control our selfishness and to seek to meet needs in others. This does not come naturally and we need to be intentional in training them. For instance, to help establish guidelines for right behavior we made up a Consequence Chart. We wanted our kids to understand they had choices to make, but choices come with consequences. Parents need to guide their children in learning to make wise decisions. We are making available one of the Consequence Charts we used. It is not inclusive. It just reflects things our kids were struggling with at the time and may serve as a stepping stone to help you establish some guidelines in your family. I remember Kelley coming to me one day and asking what the consequence was for…………. I told her and she said, “Oh, I don’t think I’ll do it then.” She was learning to make wise decisions. =)

Learn to use God’s Word effectively in training your child.

We attempted to saturate our child’s mind with Scripture. There were many ways we did this, but one of the most effective was making Bible recordings in which Rick read sections of Scripture to our kids, explaining difficult words and giving example stories to illustrate the truths found in the Word. We then played them for our children at both naptime and bedtime. As our children drifted off to sleep they were listening to Scripture. We found this served to build within them a godly value system. As they committed portions of Scripture to memory (by not even trying, just hearing) they learned to exchange some of their ungodly thought patterns for God’s thoughts on the matter. As they got older, they found when going through various situations, God’s Word, which never returns void would come back to them, providing them with God’s wisdom when they most needed it.

More specifics next week….

~Marilyn

Growing up in the Boyer Family

2011-02-03T13:47:00.001-05:00

this article, written by Laura Boyer was recently posted on http://whateverstate.wordpress.com/ in their "Ask the Grad" section.

Laura and her niece, Melody

When my parents began homeschooling in 1980, they were the only people they knew who were doing it. It was my mom’s idea, simply as a matter of convenience. With four young boys, and another child on the way, the long drive to and from the little preschool 5 times a week to accommodate both of the oldest boys’ schedules was getting to be too much.

My dad agreed to try it for a year, and, as the old saying goes, the rest is history. What had started as convenience grew into a strong conviction that this was what God wanted them to do.

In 1982 my parents were taken to court on truancy charges. Though they had a perfectly legitimate case, (and homeschool today under the same law as they were back then), the judge refused to listen. He didn’t want to hear anything about religion, he said, and ordered my parents to put their children back in school.

To finish out the school year, my mom was allowed to use a classroom at their church’s preschool to teach her own children, and the following year she brought them back home. They knew to stay indoors and keep the curtains drawn during school hours; if anyone knocked on the door, they were to hide under the bed, knowing that if they were discovered, they might be taken away.

Meanwhile, my parents and others were lobbying for a new law, which passed in 1984. Now they were free to home educate without fear of prosecution, and they have been doing so ever since.

Six years later, I came along, as the tenth of the fourteen children that would make up our family.

In our house, homeschooling was not simply a different way of teaching us the basic academics, but rather it was a whole different lifestyle: the lifestyle of discipleship. As Jesus chose His 12 disciples so that they might be with Him and learn from His example, so my parents, though not perfect by any stretch, endeavored to follow Christ’s model, teaching us diligently, as it says in Deuteronomy 6:7, “when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

Early on in my life, I was taught that the Scriptures were to be the basis for everything we did. Everywhere you looked in our house, there were Bible verses. (Deut. 6:9) Mom made flashcards, games, and crafts to help us memorize Scripture, and Dad recorded books of the Bible on cassette tapes for us to listen to at night as we went to sleep.

I am so thankful for this training that I had in the Scriptures, beginning at such a young age. I learned from the beginning what was truly important.

Of course, we learned the academics as well; they just took second place to training in God’s Word.

Even though Mom at one time had 12 school-aged children at once, she managed to have

Laura and her sister Grace, enjoying a hands on history lesson

time for each of us. Not only that, but we would complete our school work in about 3 hours a day! As every child learns differently, and no one curriculum fits all, Mom picked pieces from different curriculums, tailoring our education to our own individual learning styles. My brother Tucker, for instance, loved science, and for a time Mom performed experiments with him every day. My brother Rick was fascinated by history and politics, so he did a lot of extra reading on the subject, and for writing assignments he would write letters to the editor of our local newspaper regarding current events.

A typical day for us also often involved what my dad called, ‘incidental learning’-like the time dad and the boys were driving down the road and saw a freshly killed raccoon. What did they do but throw it up on the roof of the station wagon and bring it home to enjoy an impromptu lesson on anatomy-and, after the major organs had been identified, a game of ‘What is it?’

Or the time I learned all about energy and motion with a sheet of plywood nailed to the deck stairs, a croquet ball and a mallet…and a window…

Homeschooling also gave us much more time to minister to others. My dad and brothers helped out with numerous Habitat for Humanity houses, us girls helped make meals for families in need, we watched children for young moms who had just had a child, we frequently had guests over for dinner, and so much more.

One ministry that I was involved in was that of visiting some elderly folks from church with my Mom. One couple were retired missionaries, and their stories from the mission field were incredible! I loved visiting them, planning gifts to bring to them, writing them letters, making cakes for their birthdays…And while our goal was to be a blessing to them, they blessed me in so many ways. From them I learned about having a true servant’s heart, and saw what it means to be totally devoted to the Lord. I still regularly correspond with the one lady who is still living, even though she has moved out of state.

I always find it comical when people who are considering homeschooling are worried about socialization. In our home, at least, we were much better socialized than if we had gone to school, and spent all of our time with our peers. We learned how to interact with people of all ages, and were just as comfortable talking with an adult as with one of our peers.

I decided in high school that I would attempt to complete 3 grades in 2 years, and graduated a year early, at 17.

I also decided not to pursue a college degree, mainly because I did not fancy going thousands of dollars into debt to earn a degree I probably would not use. What I really want to do in life doesn’t require a college degree.

Romania, March 2010

Since then, I have done lots of babysitting, worked as a tutor, volunteered with various ministries at our church, and gone on a mission trip to Romania. .

Currently I am working as a nanny 3 days a week, cleaning houses 2 other days, and volunteering in the tech crew at church. I also travel quite a bit in the spring and summer with my parents’ business, The Learning Parent. They have written several books on parenting/homeschooling, and speak at conferences all over the US and some other countries.

I love my jobs, especially nannying. To some it may seem mundane or unimportant, but I see it as an enormous privilege to be able to help train these precious children to ‘love the Lord their God with all their hearts, souls, and minds.’

The Family

Life in a family of 14 children was rarely dull. Having spent so much time together, we were (and are) a very close family. Even now, no one can make me laugh like my brothers. No one can laugh at my predicaments and then give advice like my sisters. No one can lend a listening ear like my mom. No one can embarrass me like my dad. I am incredibly grateful for the time we spent together, truly getting to know each other and cultivating such close relationships that will last for a lifetime.

One of the defining moments for us was when my brother Josh was diagnosed with

Josh with sister Kelley, shortly before he passed away in 1997

leukemia in September of 1996. For seven months he suffered, most of that time being spent at a hospital about 2 hours away. It was difficult for Mom and Dad, as they tried to spend as much time as they could with him, while my oldest sister cared for us younger children at home. In March of the following year, Josh went to be with the Lord. It was a very hard time for all of us, yet the Lord used it to bring us closer to each other and closer to Him. For years afterwards, we were learning of people who had been touched by his testimony. In fact, God used Josh’s testimony to show me my need for salvation, and I gave my life to Christ just a few weeks after his death. I am looking forward to seeing him again one day, and worshipping our Savior together!

Overall, I had a wonderful homeschool experience, and cannot even begin to share how grateful I am to my parents for making the sacrifices they did to allow me to have that privilege. I know I will reap the benefits for the rest of my life.

Rather than sending me out to have strangers constantly bombarding me with their ungodly worldviews, I was discipled by loving parents who, although not perfect, desired to ‘train me up in the way I should go’ and teach me to be a servant of Christ.

Parents, regardless of the sacrifices you are making today, you will never regret the time and effort you are spending pouring into your children. They are arrows that you will one day be able to send out, to glorify God and fulfill His plans in ways beyond what you could have imagined! Yes, it takes much effort, and much sacrifice, but I assure you, it is worth it!

~Laura Boyer

Welcome to the Family!

2011-02-03T13:46:00.000-05:00

Last week Baby Michael was born to our son, Rick and his wife Christina. Michael is their third sweet child. He also has broken the tie of boy/girl grandchildren. We now have 4 girl and 5 boy grandkids- the boys are very happy =)

We praise God for this new little life!

Cultivating a Servant's Heart in Your Children: Part 4

2011-01-26T18:38:00.001-05:00

Attending to the Needs of Others in Everyday Life

In thinking how to close out this series (for now) I decided to give you a peek into the lives of the members of the Boyer family over, say the past month or so to see how this is played out in everyday life. We now have 9 kids still at home. Only 3 are still school aged. The kids are very involved in the lives of others. Our neighbor recently lost his wife and is now in a local nursing home. Four of my girls go to visit him on a regular basis, sometimes overlapping their visits. One of my daughters decorated his room for him for Christmas. They read the Bible to him, witness about their Lord and how He can become his Lord too and just make him happy and comfortable in any way they can. His wife taught all my children how to play the piano and now they have the chance to make his last days a little more joyful. He sometimes has as many as 8 visits per week among them!

There was one day this last month during which 5 supper meals were cooked in my kitchen. The girls were bringing meals to 4 different families in one day and one was for us! Meals have been brought to friends who lost family members, who had surgery, who had a new baby, who had just moved, who were sick, etc. I don't even think I could count the meals made this last month for others in need. Sometimes I'm tempted to think, Wow! Look at all these dishes! But then the truth hits me that my girls are investing in the lives of others. I recall that verse about where there are no oxen, the stable is clean, but much strength comes from the oxen. I am so thankful that my girls especially at this time in their lives, not being married and having families of their own yet, can clearly see that it's more blessed to learn to serve than to expect others to serve them.

Kasey was in the Dollar Tree this past week and found a little turtle knick knack. She immediately asked if she could buy it for her friend, who is an older lady with a turtle collection. This is one of the ladies that Kasey makes a point of giving a hug and a smile to every Sunday.

The picture in this posting was taken a little over a month ago when our younger kids, Rick and I, and another family had a birthday party for one of our favorite World War II vets. He was so surprised and touched. He invited us back to celebrate with him next year. Just this morning in church, I noticed him scanning the crowd looking for his little Kasey! Even your young children can have a ministry of hugs! In fact, I am constantly reminding myself of that. Instead of just going to church, I try to think, who can I say hello to who might need a little extra encouragement? We do go to church to learn how to serve God better, but we also need to go to church to try to be a blessing to someone else.

Matt, a week or so ago got home pretty late after helping a family move after he got off work for the day. One of girls, I believe fixed them a meal. Carrie cleaned the house for a soon to be mom and Chris helped her organize the kids and baby clothes. The girls have babysat for a mom having an ultrasound, for a mom who had to take some of her children to the doctor, etc. Chris has a special lady friend who had surgery this month and has visited with her and her husband. Carrie helped plan a big birthday dinner party for a special friend!

Kate planned and had a tea just before Christmas with the purpose of inviting some widows along with some other ladies to do something special for the widows who might not get as many invitations as couples do. It was very nice, lots of sandwiches, sweets, tea, hot chocolate and a time of fellowship. As a teen when she wanted to go on a missions trip, Rick arranged for her to go with the senior saints from our church, rather than with the teens. She had a blast and has built some close relationships with many of the older people who were on that trip. It was actually of one of those ladies who was recently widowed that inspired her to plan this tea.

Laura, wanting to be involved with some of the younger girls in our church, had some over to make Christmas cookies for the local sheriff's departments, police officers and fire and rescue folks. She invited the girls over, made cookies, took them to lunch, and then delivered the cookies along with a gospel tract to the various emergency service departments. Just yesterday she had a pre-teen girl over for supper and an evening of fun making snowman cupcakes, playing games etc. just to be a blessing to her. They had a fun evening! Tuck has spent a lot of hours volunteering at a friend's farm with the many chores that need to be done there. (He loves every minute of that!)

This is not to mention all the times the girls have taken their nieces and nephews out to Chick Fil- A or to Amazement Square-our local museum- or just out shopping to the Dollar Store or Sams with them. My head swims when I try to keep everyone's schedules straight anymore, but suffice it to say, I am amazed at the hours the kids spend in lending a helping hand to make life a little easier for another. Even Kelley and Kasey invest time in their nieces and nephews. They are always looking for fun things to do or projects to do with them or fun ways to help teach them character lessons they were taught.

I'm sharing this to give you a glimpse into what life looks like when you invest your time to train your kids to notice and attend to the needs of others. It doesn't come naturally. It's something you need to foster just as early as possible. Ask God for opportunities for your family to minister. It doesn't need to be something official to be a ministry. I think God plans for the family to be the primary training ground for future service. If you're the one feeling overwhelmed with a house full of little ones, that's where you begin. Ministering to the needs of brothers, sisters, mommy and daddy is a great place to begin! It's when you pour your life out for others, that God will fill you up!! God bless you all as you raise up a mighty army of ground soldiers for Jesus!
~Marilyn

Cultivating a Servant's Heart in Your Children: Part 3

2011-01-18T22:21:00.010-05:00

Opening Doors for Service

To really teach your children to develop a servant’s heart, you must take them by the hand and lead them, showing them how to do it.

When our daughter Laura was about 10 years old, I began taking her to visit an elderly couple from our church who were retired missionaries. At first she was shy and didn’t talk much, but as time went on, she would ask him to tell his stories. He had been a missionary in Germany and remembered being present at a Hitler rally. He would tell of how he came to the Lord as a boy in Canada and how the Lord led him to life a life of faith, going out to serve Him and how the Lord would always provide for his needs.

I would tell Laura to listen for little hints of things “Uncle Jim and Aunt Lillie” liked. He has diabetes and couldn’t eat much sugar, but he was delighted to receive those little packets of jam and jelly you get in restaurants. She would ask the waitress if she could take a couple extra home for her Uncle Jim. She learned that Aunt Lillie loved the color purple, Cadbury candy bars and certain types of flowers. That way she learned to plan little gifts to bring to them when we would visit. They didn’t get out much and just to watch their faces light up when we would visit was a delight.

Sometimes, we would take them to a local restaurant for lunch. We would think of things happening at church or in our family that we could tell them about, bring them pictures to look at or books to read. Laura tells how Mom did this to train her how to have a servant’s heart, but she says she feels she was the greater beneficiary of blessing.

Once when we thought Uncle Jim was close to death and we visited him in the hospital, he was on pain meds and confused, but he related to Laura how he had been to China that day. A lady kept begging him to come and share the gospel and persisted so much that he had gone that day to share the gospel with her. It made such a huge impression on Laura, that as he lay close to death, the gospel of Christ was foremost on his mind, not his own suffering. He lived to the ripe age of 100, and Laura and I visited him just days before he died at which time he clearly prayed for us. Laura not only learned how to serve others but how God blesses one for obedience to Him and gives you a double blessing for being willing to obey.

We looked for other opportunities to be a blessing to others, new moms in our church or family, widows, families moving or just needing a break…. the opportunities for service are endless. The key is to become alert to seeking out needs in others and then plunging in to meet those needs when possible. I remember when our son Rick installed motion detector lights for a newly widowed lady in our church to surprise her and ask what he could do to help her, things like taking out the outside furniture in the spring or cleaning her gutters- things her husband used to do for her. Another son would slip a hundred dollar bill to a family in need or go rake leaves for an elderly couple, pump their gas, etc.

Your job is just to get your kids thinking this way and take them along with you as you reach out to others, and it will soon become a way of life for them. We have seen the benefits over and over again in the lives of our kids even as they have grown up. Instead of seeking pleasure for themselves, train your kids to be alert to the many needs around them. Maybe they can’t meet every one, but find some they can meet. Lead them to pray for needs they can’t meet.

About a year ago, I was talking with my youngest daughter, Kasey, and told her to find an older couple in church to try to be a blessing to. She thought, "well, what can I do?" I suggested she just have a ministry of hugs. Find an elderly person or couple, purpose to go up and hug them and give them a cheery hello every Sunday morning. She did that and now has two couples and a widower she looks for every week who we often will go visit. They ask for her, love to receive those hugs and think she’s a pretty special little girl. She, on the other hand gets the blessing of hearing the stories of their lives, (some are veterans of World War II) and learning from the wisdom of lives well lived. God honors the mixing of age groups- all benefit from the contacts made. Consider asking people into your home who have lived godly lives. Serve them and see what blessings God will bring about in the lives of your family members.

next week- part 4- A glimpse into the lives of kids raised this way.

~Marilyn

Pictures from Christmas 2010

2011-01-11T14:48:00.002-05:00

Cultivating a Servant's Heart in Our Children: Part 2

2011-01-10T21:49:00.007-05:00

Serving Begins in the Family

God has ordained the family to be the basic training ground for our children to learn to become people God can use. It is our job to guide our children in character and to then create service projects to help them apply what they have been learning to their daily lives.

As a young mom, I guess I was kind of forced into this way of thinking. I had my first child at age 20 (he was actually born on my 20^th birthday). Our other children then came about 18 months apart and then up to two years apart. Consequently, I was a young mom with many little guys and an acute sense of responsibility to train my little ones to serve the God I had recently given my life to at the age of 16.

Having so much responsibility and no family nearby, I needed to train the kids from an early age to chip in and learn to do their part. I remember having my oldest two, Rick and Tim, up at the sink learning to dry dishes when they were 3 and 5 years old. It would have been easier and quicker I suppose to just do it myself and send them off to play, but I felt it was important for them to learn to be responsible. Looking back, I am very glad that I took the extra time to teach them how to do a job responsibly. They were part of our family and I would let them know they were needed and appreciated for their efforts. We used to tell them work can be fun and some days they believed it. More importantly though, they began to learn that God had a job for them to do and they were on this earth to serve God although at this stage of their life, their serving God came mainly through serving their family members. Our children need to learn to do all the functions we ourselves perform in a family context to someday be a successful parent themselves. Therefore, instead of just letting our kids play ALL the time, we taught them to help out with the needs of the large family, making sure we had playtime scheduled in for them as well. Our adult children are now VERY thankful that they learned to have a work ethic rather than just growing up being pleasure seekers. It has shaped the way they now live their adult lives.

As they grew though, we began to branch out and provide opportunities for the boys to begin to serve others beyond our family circle. When we would open our home to guests, as we often did, we began to teach the children to defer to the guests. We would have the children begin to serve the guests at the meal and clear the dishes, etc. If the guests had children, we would “assign” each one of our children to one of the guest’s children for the purpose of making sure that child’s needs were met, that he or she were not excluded, or belittled, etc. They would be responsible for trying to make that child feel special. They were to defer to the other child’s preferences in which game to play or what color plate they wanted. That way, instead of just thinking, “Oh, good, we’re going to have fun tonight, they would be focused on making sure the other child had fun instead.”

Philippians 2: 5-6 “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God, but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, …”

Here are some other verses to consider and teach your children on this subject:

John 15: 12-14, Galatians 5:13, Luke 22:24-27, Colossians 3

More next week!

~Marilyn

Cultivating a Servant's Heart in Our Children: Part 1

2011-01-01T21:19:00.009-05:00

One of our priorities in training our children was to try to teach them to be others-focused, or in other words, to build within them a heart of service. This doesn’t come naturally. We are all more attentive to our own needs naturally. We need to train our children to stop and intentionally think about what another person is going through and what we might do to help them out.

Perhaps one of the earliest tools we created to teach them this principle was what we called the

Head to Foot Bible Verse Board. Our first one for our son Rickey was made from a crude piece of plywood on which we laid him down and traced his outline. As time went on, and resources increased, we took a picture of our child, had it blown upto poster size, cut them out of the picture and attached their picture to a poster sized piece of paper. I then looked up verses of how to use the various parts of their bodies for the Lord and attached these verses to the same paper the picture was attached to. The idea behind this was to illustrate Romans 12:1 (“ I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy , acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”) which we wrote on the top of the sheet of paper, explaining how our bodies are a temple of God to be consecrated for His purposes. We then placed it in a poster sized frame and hung it in their bedroom. Each night before bed or nap time, I would let the child choose a different part of the body and we would review the verse associated with it.

For instance:

KNEE- Ephesians 3:14 “For this cause, I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

EYE- Proverbs 4:25 “Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee.” (Here is a reminder to control what we look at and to use our eyes to honor the Lord and His ways and not to be distracted with things of the world. )

HAND- Proverbs 10:4 “He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand, but the hand of the diligent maketh rich.” (Hence an admonition to be diligent in all that we do for God’s glory)

FEET- Proverbs 4:27 or Ephesians 6:15

(FREE Download of the entire list of Head to Foot Bible Verses for a Limited Time!)

The idea behind this was to instruct our child that they were not here to make it a goal to amuse or please themselves necessarily, but to submit their body to God’s purposes and His ways.

I Peter 5:5 in one version of the Bible instructs us to wear the overalls of humility in serving one another. For this reason, I always took their picture while they were wearing overalls and told them this was to be their attitude to others- to put on their overalls of humility and defer to the other person’s wishes whenever possible.

It was just a baby step in teaching them to have a heart of service.

More next week!

~Marilyn

A Christ-Centered Christmas- Some Ideas and Resources

2010-11-15T07:18:00.005-05:00

As the Christmas season approaches quickly, I am reminded of how we must make Jesus the focus of all our celebrations. In our family, it is the month before Christmas day that we all anticipate the entire year. It is during this time that we can lay the foundations for a Christ centered Christmas in the hearts of our children.

When my oldest children were very small I began to develop traditions that my kids would look forward to as they grew older.

God has given us the Christmas season as an opportunity to teach, instruct, and meditate on the birth of Christ as well as to reach out to neighbors and non-Christians at this specially receptive time .Years ago, I found a set of Nativity cookie cutters in our local Christian bookstore. Ever since we use it every year to bake sugar cookies for our neighbors. Each child gets to make a whole set of 8, cutting them out and decorating them. We then arrange them on a foil covered piece of cardboard , sticking them down with frosting, then cover with saran wrap, put on a bow and tape a Christmas tract with a clear Gospel message in it and deliver them to our neighbors. This is now a great opportunity to include our grandchildren in this tradition.

We also used the cookie cutters to make Baker’s Clay ornaments to bake and paint and hang on our tree.

Another favorite tradition is when Dad reads Scrooge every Christmas season, often by candle and tree light, He reads only one stave on any one night, so it draws the reading out over the season. He recently has recorded it for others just as he reads it to our own children.

For several years now, my older girls and their friends have chosen a day to get together, listen to Christmas music and bake cookie trays for those in public service, our policemen, firemen, sheriff’s deputies, state policemen, etc . They arrange them on a pretty tray, write a message of thanks for their services in our behalf and enclose a gospel message also. They then deliver them. Sometimes, the younger kids go along to deliver them also and get to meet our public servants and express our gratefulness for them.

Early on I made a stuffed nativity for my little ones to play with. It is so good for the little ones to be able to touch and playact the Christmas story for themselves instead of not being allowed one they can touch. The first one I made was when my third son, Nate, was just a baby. He loved holding and playing with it. Wooden ones are great too as the children get a little older. Tina, Nate’s wife, showed me a book several years ago, recognizing the pattern for Nate’s manger scene in it. I was excited to find several other ideas in this book that we had used in our family for years. It is a great resource –Celebrating a Christ Centered Christmas.

We’ve had several different kinds of advent calendars. They are lots of fun. Each day, we take turns in putting up the different characters of the Christmas story with Jesus being saved for Christmas Eve. It is a great resource for cementing all the events surrounding the birth of Jesus in little minds and also building excitement for the season.

We always encourage our kids to learn the Christmas story from Luke 2 and sometimes give rewards for the memorization.

Joni Earackson Tada has a wonderful resource called Christmas carols for a kids’ heart. It teaches the story behind the famous Christmas carols and includes a CD so your kids can sing along, learning ALL the wonderful, rich verses.

These are just a few ideas we’ve used over the years that have helped us to keep Christ the center focus of our celebration, and we’re very pleased to be able to offer you many of these resources for your Christmas season, as well!

~Marilyn

It's Not Too Late for America!

2010-10-30T10:53:00.001-04:00

Election day is very close and it looks like it will bring good news for a change. I hope you’re all planning to vote, work the polls and encourage others to take their responsibility as well. Our eldest son, Rick, is running for Clerk of Court in our county as most of you know. We think our man will win, but it’s been a hard-fought campaign. He has three opponents and the strongest one has definitely given us a run for our money. Win or lose, we’re not going anywhere. The Boyers and other conservative Christians of Campbell County, Virginia are in it for the long haul. As part of that blessed group known as We the People, we have a responsibility to make our voices heard. We have, and we will.

This brings me to the main point of this posting. For many years I’ve heard people say that the church must prepare for persecution because the freedoms that we now have are slowly and inevitably being eroded. Someday soon, the church in America will suffer the same fate as the church in ancient Rome. We will be imprisoned, tortured, murdered, driven underground, fed to the lions in the coliseum for the amusement of the emporer and the pagan crowds. It’s only a matter of time, they say.

I say, go soak your head.

This is America, people! Land of the free, home of the brave. We are Americans! Endowed, as the Declaration says, with certain unalienable rights. We have inherited the most wonderful nation in the history of the world and I say it is a sin to squat on our haunches and bewail our shrinking freedoms instead of fighting with every weapon, spiritual and natural, at our disposal to restore her to her early promise.

We’re on our way down, you say? I don’t believe it. But if you’re right, it’s because of millions of people who name the name of Christ, yet would rather spend their time watching drivel on television than taking responsibility for the culture around them. Are you aware that three out of every four professing evangelical Christians don’t even bother to vote? And voting is about the easiest of our responsibilities to fulfill.

But politics is a dirty game, you say. Christians shouldn’t be involved.

Baloney! Politics is dirty because we have left it in dirty hands. It is those of us who have been cleansed by the blood of Christ who have the greatest responsibility to be involved in choosing our leaders.

But we’re supposed to be praying and winning souls, you say. Not getting into political sqabbles. The business of the church is the Gospel.

There you have a point. And I say, if the church was serious about spreading the Gospel, there would be a lot more praying and soul winning going on. But there’s not. The average believer has done no more about getting Gospel tracts into his neighbors’ homes than he has about giving them political flyers. The fact is we’re loafing!

"There’s nothing we can do", you say. "These are the 'last days' of II Timothy 3:1 and things are just going to get worse until Jesus comes. The only thing we can do is circle the wagons and play defense, hoping the enemy won’t hurt us too badly before Jesus gets here to rescue us."

Baloney again. Check out Hebrews 1:2 where the writer talks about how God has communicated with us through His son in “these last days.” This writer, as every generation since the resurrection, thought that his generation would see the return of Christ. The Greek for “last days” here is exactly the same as in II Timothy 3:1. So get off it. Yes, Jesus could come today. I hope He does. But He could also come a thousand years from now. When He comes, will he find us "occupying til He comes (LK. 19:13) or sitting around whining about how tough life is? Look up the Greek for "occupy" in that verse and you'll find it means "to busy oneself." In other words, the master gave the 3 servants funds to invest for Him and told them to get busy making Him a profit. We're to be doing His business when He returns. Working.

I won't weary you with my replies to the many other whining excuses I've heard for non-involvement. Just let me leave you with this little thought: Jesus promised that God would provide our food just as surely as He does for the birds of the air. But the Bible also tells us that he who will not work should not eat. God has provided a million blessings for us as Americans. But he still expects us to work to keep them coming. Sitting around, moaning about the blessings we're sure to lose, is the best way to be sure we lose them.

I hope a lot of you will reply to this post, agree or disagree. Let's start a dialogue on this blog and keep it going. The issues of our day are of life and death importance to our children and grandchildren. Let's talk about it, and let's do something about it. Now.

~Rick

Let's Take Back our Land!

2010-10-28T20:55:00.003-04:00

I want to share with you some very big Boyer family news.

Four of my sons and I are putting together a 1-day conference to start appearing around the country in 2011. It’s called Take Back the Land . The purpose of the conference is to challenge and equip homeschooled youth and their families to do their part in the culture war for America. As the enemy is coming in like a flood to attack our families, churches, government, courts and other civic institutions, God is raising up a standard against him. Thousands of homeschool families have jettisoned the defeatist mindset that is so prevalent among Christians today and they are fighting back with every intention of winning.

America was founded by Christians on Biblical principles. That is the reason for her prosperity, unrivalled in all of history. But now, like the Israelites emerging from the wilderness, we are looking across the Jordan to a land that was home to our ancestors but is now controlled by our spiritual enemy. He has built strongholds in regions that were once dominated by the truth of Scripture. Those strongholds can be and must be taken back for Jesus Christ. He is still Lord.

The only hope our grandchildren have of growing up in a land of freedom and justice lies with the Christian families of today, and especially with the young people now preparing to be launched from those families onto the spiritual battlefields of our day. The Take Back the Land conference will bring those young people, their parents and siblings together with other dedicated families for a day of inspiration, training, and networking with others of shared convictions. Together we can turn America back to her godly roots and rebuild the old foundations (Is. 58:12).

To take this message around America, we will need your help. Email us (boyers@thelearningparent.com) if you are interested in hosting a conference or serving as a volunteer in this ministry. Together, we can fight and triumph in the war for America’s soul. If God is for us, who can be against us?

God bless your family.

~Rick Boyer

For You They Signed- New Look...New Price

2010-09-22T19:26:00.005-04:00

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Part 3: Advice to Fathers

2010-09-22T19:10:00.001-04:00

The Father’s Role in Home Education Function #2: The Disciplinarian

by Rick Boyer Published in the Teaching Home magazine, March/April 1997

More important than academics is the training and discipling of our children to love and follow the Lord God and His Word. Children must be trained and disciplined in order for them to be teachable.

As I search the Scriptures, I find it inescapable that the primary responsibility for child discipline rests with the father.

“For what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?” (Hebrews 12:7b).

Self-control, which is the goal of discipline in the Christian home, is not produced by correction alone. For a dad to be a successful disciplinarian, his relationship with his children must be far more.

Lifestyle. Dad must cultivate a lifestyle in the home that is conducive to learning discipline. A home that operates on a schedule, rather than haphazardly, and that is kept orderly and in good repair demonstrates responsibility and serves as a good example to children.

Attitude. Most importantly, Dad must provide an example of attitude. If Dad throws tantrums when disappointments come, his efforts to teach his children not to do the same will fail.

Even if Dad can force outward obedience, his children’s inward response will be frustration and bitterness. This means he will have to confess when he does wrong and show his children that he expects the same of himself as he does of them.

Training. Dad must also give his children positive training. There is a place for correction, but it comes after a child has been taught clear rules for behavior.

It wounds the spirit of a child to hold him accountable for doing the right thing when he does not know what the right thing is.

Marilyn and I learned this lesson years ago when she came home from a frazzling shopping trip. We made a trip back to the supermarket just to train the children in shopping decorum.

Before going into the store, we set some simple rules: Stay close to Mommy; don’t touch without asking; use quiet voices; don’t stand in front of the cart. Then Marilyn cruised the aisles while I walked behind and gave needed reminders. Next time Marilyn took the children shopping, she had a much easier time.

Correction. When correction is needed, it should never be given in anger; spanking should always be done with a rod and not the hand. And don’t think that spanking is the only form of correction. Denial of privileges and other consequences often work wonders.

Remember, though, if you do spank, don’t do it with your tongue. Appeal to your child’s conscience, reason with him when appropriate, but don’t give tongue lashings. They cut deeper than the stripes of a switch. Some such wounds never heal.

Positive Relationship. A positive relationship with your child is the first step in effective discipline. I pray for help in communicating to my children that I like them as well as love them.

I want my children to know that I am training them for their benefit, not so they won’t embarrass me with their failures. I want to spend more time praising them than criticizing them. I don’t want them to give up on doing right because nothing they do is good enough to please me.

I’m so thankful God gave me my children. Do they know that?

Spiritual Battle. Finally, Dad needs to realize that child discipline is a spiritual battle. The specialist in rebellion is still around, seeking who he may devour and making them rebels too. Discipline is not behavior modification. It is daily seeking the face of God in prayer on behalf of our children.

Part 2: Advice to Fathers

2010-09-15T21:02:00.006-04:00

A Father's Role in Home Education

by Rick Boyer Published in The Teaching Home magazine, Jan/Feb 1997

My only claim to fame is that I have 13 children and don’t color my hair. I don’t claim to be an expert on fatherhood. I don’t know a man who does. If there is such a man, my guess is that his children are still quite young. So it is not with an attitude of authority that I write, but in a spirit of sympathy.

We fathers are at a disadvantage from the start. It begins with childbirth, when the mother has the option of receiving or declining anesthesia. I’ve been through 13 births, and I’ve never even been offered the choice! Then once the baby is born, it becomes evident that women are endowed with a parenting instinct that their husbands cannot hope to match.

I discovered this when our first child was born. Every time Rickey cried, Marilyn seemed to know instinctively what his need was. She could have fed, changed, and quieted while I was still trying to find the OFF button.

Unless my on-the-job training experience is very unusual, there is much fatherly bumbling done despite the best intentions. Somehow, most fathers survive the first few years of fatherhood only to find themselves faced with new challenges when the issue of schooling arises.

For the man who chooses home education for his family, there is often an identity crisis. Most of us were educated in the public schools and our concept of education is colored accordingly. One thing we did not learn from our schooling is the role of a father in educating his children.

Since the modern home-education movement is still largely a first-generation phenomenon, we fathers have had to improvise our own job description. We already had a pretty clear concept of Mom’s role. She had to be the teacher. Dad’s work schedule usually doesn’t allow the flexibility for him to fill those shoes. So we debated; just what is a father to do?

The schoolish model we had in our minds seemed to cast Dad in a minor role. Some people thought of him as a substitute teacher, who really wasn’t of much use except to stand in for Mom where his expertise made him better suited to teach a certain subject.

Dad was also viewed as a school janitor. The best use for him was to shoulder some of the housework to free up more of Mom’s time to teach.

The first of those two roles seemed a bit narrow to me, and the second just didn’t appeal to me at all. So I did as I always do when I need a basic understanding of an important subject. I went to the Scriptures looking for principles to give me guidance.

The Bible has a lot to say about fatherhood, sometimes through references to human fathers and sometimes in describing our heavenly Father. The job description includes at least seven distinct functions, the first of which we will discuss here.

If we will apply those functions to the home-education setting, we can learn to be the most effective fathers possible. We can also leave helping with the cleaning and laundry mostly to the children. After all, it’s an important part of their education.

Function #1: The Provider

“But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel” (I Timothy 5:8).

The first and obvious role of a father is to provide for his family.

Finances. The husband of a woman who teaches their children at home has a bargain to start with. In our part of the country at least, a couple can home educate their children for a year at approximately the cost of sending them to one of the local private schools for a month. With that in mind, Dad would be well advised to allow his wife some freedom in the use of the checkbook to supply her classroom.

My wife has earned my trust in handling money by making better use of it over the years than I could. Because she has the freedom to bargain hunt, Marilyn regularly comes home with some notable results. She buys in bulk when prices are low and watches for sales.

We don’t have space to list Marilyn’s greatest triumphs. Once she found a store that had made an ordering mistake and was severely overstocked on boys’ jeans. She came home with 50 pairs at a dollar each. Suffice it to say that she takes care of a family of 15 quite adequately on a modest single income.

Besides giving Mom the freedom to shop when it’s most advantageous (it’s really dumb to wait until you need the item and have to pay full price), being a provider means doing things for her that she can’t readily do for herself.

Work space. One good example is that of providing a suitable facility for her working and teaching. Jesus said He was going “to prepare a place” for His bride, and we have that responsibility as well.

My sons and I have had to be creative because of the normal size of our house and the abnormal size of our family.

We built a shoe shelf (it looks like a big bookcase with dividers) in the basement entryway, floored the attic for storage, installed a pull-down attic stairway, hung ceiling fans to augment the air conditioning, built extra shelves in the closets, enclosed the carport, and performed a number of other fun activities.

Providing a place for your wife means making your home as suitable as possible for her work. If you have worked in unsuitable surroundings or with inferior equipment, you should be able to sympathize.

Career preparation. A sometimes neglected aspect of providing for one’s family is preparation for the children’s future careers. By that I don’t necessarily mean college, although that may be a part of the plan. I’m more concerned with teaching our children a useful way to make a living.

One of my own sons, the three who are old enough to do so have all been apprenticed in our family construction business and were capable workmen by age 16 or 17. In addition, they work with Marilyn and me in producing and distributing our books. When we do a seminar or convention, we are assisted by one or more of the boys or sister Katie.

In addition to apprenticeship in the parent’s work, a father can provide opportunities for his children to pursue their own interests and develop talents in areas unrelated to what the rest of the family is doing.

Our eldest son Rick, at 22, was an avid political activist. At age 19 he was elected county chairman of our party, making him the youngest county chairman in the state.

Number two son Tim is a mechanical type who works part-time for me and then puts in another several hours a day as maintenance man for our church. I couldn’t have taught either politics or fix-it work, but I’ve encouraged the boys to follow their natural bents, and it is paying off.

Being involved in the business of the family and the community also has the benefit of teaching children the skills of business and human relationships, other important opportunities for a father to provide for his children.

Next week: Function #2 The Disciplinarian

Part 1: Advice to Fathers

2010-09-09T07:07:00.006-04:00

Turning the Hearts of Fathers to Their Children

By Rick Boyer

Published in The Teaching Home magazine, March/April 1998

“And He shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse” (Malachi 4:6 KJV).

While the above verse from Malachi warns of a curse, it also gives the preventive measure: a turning of fathers’ hearts to children and of children’s hearts to fathers.

This is what I believe is happening in the home-education movement, and it is the main reason that I have hope for the future.

Goals/Careers

If you as a father would turn your heart to your children, you will have to place different priorities on things associated with your work. First of all, you cannot put your job first in your life. You can’t work day and night to advance up the job ladder at the expense of time with your family.

You also can’t travel three hundred days a year. It just won’t work. It takes time to raise children. Your job needs to allow a degree of flexibility. If you are home educating, your family is already more flexible than average and can allow some room for irregularities in your work schedule. But your work needs to return the favor.

There will be times when opportunities arise for your family to do something of value together that happens when you would normally be at work. Can you get time off when it is advantageous for your ministry to your family?

Finances

We also need to look at money through different lenses than other men. That includes training our children for a job as well as how to spend, save, invest, and give money. In short, stewardship.

It means that making money can’t be our goal in life. To put that first will cost us the hearts of our children sooner or later.

We need to be committed to living debt-free. It may be very hard and require sacrifice to get out and stay out of debt, but it is an essential goal. If our children watch their fathers depend on credit to provide the needs of the family, they will see nothing wrong with using credit themselves.

Proverbs 22:7 says the borrower is a slave to the lender. Financial freedom is to be carefully and diligently guarded.

Seeing money through a heart turned to children means having different priorities for spending. You may spend less on golf clubs and bass boats than your friends do; that’s because you place a higher priority on trips to the museum and building a family library.

Education

Home education for your children will be a conviction, not an alternative option. Only that way can you have maximum involvement in the life and learning of your child. Character training will be more valued than academics.

This is another issue that will look different when viewed through the eyes of a man whose heart has been turned to his children. It means being willing to be interrupted. It means accepting a little person’s “help” when doing a home project would go more smoothly without it. It means making time for your devotional life, not just for your own benefit, but to seek answers for the issues that make you a better dad.

Sometimes (such as when you read the same kiddie book aloud for the fourth time in a row) parenthood involves some monotony. But when you endure it willingly, you are saying something powerful to the little person on your lap.

You are saying, “I love you. You are important to me.” If you prioritize your time so that your child grows up believing that, he will have the sense of significance and purpose that can motivate a person to leave his mark on the world.

Church Life

Our attitude toward the church may need adjusting as we turn our hearts to our children. It may even mean changing churches if the one we are in at present isn’t family friendly. At least it will mean we have to beware of over-commitment at the expense of family time.

We may have to protect our children from some church programs, watching out for such things as objectionable music and peer pressure in youth groups.

The dedicated dad must stand alone for his family, because many churches won’t share his vision. Some people won’t understand if you don’t take advantage of all their ministries to children. Just be faithful and raise your children for the Lord.

Part 4 Successful, Enjoyable, DOABLE Homeschooling

2010-09-09T06:17:00.010-04:00

Adjusting to a New School Year....be Flexible!

We started school today. We always wait until our yearly beach trip is over. Yesterday I just showed all the kids their books for the year, even letting some of the kids choose between a couple different books in a couple of cases. I never expect much of the first day of school. Occasionally you have a new "student", a preschooler, or one who can't wait to do school, but the others, it's a bit of a transition to go from summer to school days again. I also found that a book I thought I would use for Kasey was just not going to be what she needed which led me write this short blog posting to hopefully encourage you if you find yourself a bit frustrated.

If you find you've chosen a book that just doesn't work, chuck it, sell it or give it to someone else, or even save it as it may be just what your next child will need! Every child is different. Expect that. Some things the oldest child learns right away, others may struggle with. You're not a failure. That is normal. Each child is uniquely made by God and will learn some things easily and others only with a struggle. I've found that a book that worked well for 11 of my children just didn't work for my 12th at ALL!!

Also, don't stress over grade levels. I let each child progress at THEIR own rate in EVERY subject. Don't worry about them getting behind. Don't tell them they're behind. If you work diligently, then they are just where God wants them to be. I've found, for instance, if they didn't get a handle on multiplication facts last year, don't proceed to division this year. Maybe another math text for 4th grade would say it in a different way so they will get it this year if you repeat the grade. Consider using book covers if you want to "repeat" a grade so the child doesn't know what grade it's supposed to be. It's better to see a child gain confidence than pressing them beyond measure and see them frustrated and feeling inadequate or stupid. This year, with one of my children, I am doing that very thing in math- repeating the second half of last year with another text and they are starting the year out feeling like ,"I can do this" instead of feeling totally discouraged, overwhelmed and "behind."

On the other hand, you may find a child is way beyond "where they are supposed to be". If that is the case, throw out concerns about grade levels, put them a grade or two beyond their age and encourage them to go for it. Don't worry that they are getting ahead of themselves. Children also go through learning stages. A subject that may have gone far ahead in, you may find them slowing down in later. That's okay. The general rule is to provide them with a challenge, but not to overwhelm them.

Remember too, that almost every curriculum provides way too many problems. Plan to cut back amounts without compromising any content. You will find that your child is encouraged to finish up when they can see an end to it instead of dragging their feet because they feel they'll never finish up. Eliminate busywork. As the year goes on, you will see more clearly what is just busy work and what is really profitable for each child.

Hope that helps you to get off to a better start. Have a great year!

~Marilyn

Part 3: Successful, Enjoyable, DOABLE Homeschooling: Part 1

2010-08-26T20:06:00.000-04:00

Wise Use of Curriculum

Streamline your child’s curriculum, learning to master the books—not letting them master you. This may be news to you, but just because something is in the textbook does not mean your child has to do it—you should evaluate what is best for each of your children’s needs. I try not to require too much from my younger children, letting them answer a lot of questions orally. I do have them do a little bit of neat handwriting every day, but too much writing leads to sloppiness because they just want to get it over with, instead of striving for accuracy. Feel the freedom to pick and choose which things in the curriculum you are using are beneficial to your child and which are not. We generally spend about 2 1/2 to 3 hr. per day on academics.

Learn to develop the practice of enjoying learning. Begin to enrich your home with fun, captivating learning materials. A lot of learning just happens as a byproduct of life. One of the neatest things to me is to see an interest pop up in one of my kids and go to the library or gather materials to help them pursue that interest. The other kids in the family learn from that child’s interest—so much learning just happens if you build a home full of learning tools and books. For instance, Matt was really interested in geography as a young child. We got him a big floor puzzle of the United States, and he knew his states and capitals when he was about eight years old just from putting that puzzle together. He would have me time him, trying to do it faster each time. We also found bedsheets for him with all the continents on them which he then used to teach his sisters the countries! Before we went to bed at night he’d say, “Mom, quiz me!” So I would ask him to find countries on the map before I would tuck him in. He has retained much of his geography knowledge to this day! There are so many resources available—anatomy puzzles, maps, clocks, learning games—fill your home with them! That’s the fun stuff kids remember and creates good memories for you and your children and your adventure of home schooling.

Marilyn

Part 2 Successful, Enjoyable, DOABLE Homeschooling: Part 1

2010-08-22T16:40:00.005-04:00

4 Motivational Types of Learners

Have you ever been frustrated with trying to teach one of your kids? That's normal. Every child is different and yet in the teaching of my 14, there are some things I noticed that might help you in your experience. I found apart from learning styles, such as visual, auditory, etc, there are also distinct motivational differences in kids. I boiled it down to basically four different motivational categories my kids seemed to fall into, although each brought their own distinctive traits into play as well.

# 1 The Self-Directed Learner

This child likes to set his own goals and thinks in terms of challenging himself. He loves to pick a target and shoot at it (often a first born). He is bored with too much guidance and needs to work at this own pace. He is not easily discouraged by setbacks, he seems to do his best when allowed as much freedom as possible to design his own plan, set his own pace, and set his own objectives on his way to his ultimate goal. Be careful not to discourage him by making him stick to the plan in the book. He may have thought of a better way to do it!

# 2 The Sensitive Learner

This child has a tender heart that won't take a lot of adversity before growing melancholy and discouraged. You need to stay close to him, supplying him with achievable goals and lots of verbal praise and encouragement to keep him from bogging down in the tough spots. Again, don't make him stick to the book's plan if it overwhelms him. The sensitive student usually does a good job in the end because he tends to think in terms of perfection, but it can also discourage him as he sometimes feels he just doesn't measure up to his own expectations. It also can cause him to work slowly and painstakingly. He should not be rushed unnecessarily, as he may tend to feel that he has been pushed into finisihing the work to meet a deadline at the expense of satisfying his heart that it was done right. Frequent hugs are good medicine.

# 3 The Slothful Learner

This student is easily distracted from a mundane task because because he's not overly excited about sustained effort to begin with. He doesn't like to push himself but can stand some pushing from without to go beyond doing the minimum required. He needs plenty of attention and some accountability (I don't test all my kids, but this type of learner I do) as he is more likely to skim through an assignment just to be able to report it done than to stop and think what the reason for the assignment might be. He needs to be shown the rewards of persistent effort because his automatic tendency is to reason that it is unwise to put off anything until tomorrow that can be put off until next year. Sticks and carrots are most useful with this child, but don't forget to love him even though he tweaks your patience at times.

#4 The Steady Learner

The steady learner is a consistent fellow who generally learns fairly easily in most subjects, although like anyone else, he finds some subjects more interesting than others. He tends to move through material steadily, without spurts or splutters of motivation. He tends to get a lot done because he is not easily distracted, discouraged, or defeated. He's an overall good student, and little trouble to teach.

You may find some of your kids are combinations of these, but hopefully that will give you some guidelines to help deal with your school day. Remember God has specially designed your child and made you to be exactly the right parent to deal with each of your unique kids. What is really fun is when they grow older and you begin to see, OH- that's why God him that way!"

~Marilyn

Making the Most of our Time

2010-08-19T15:16:00.003-04:00

I love the verse, “Teach us to number our days that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom”. (Psalm 90:12)

I’m sharing with you something the Lord has been impressing on me recently. I am a person who lives by my lists. I write down things I need to get accomplished each day and delight in crossing items off my list as I complete the tasks.

Contemplating the end of summer drawing near, I was struck with how I don’t feel ready for it to end. There is so much I wanted to do, that I haven’t gotten done with the busyness of life. Things like cleaning and organizing projects, like special days with the grandkids, like fun stuff with Kelley and Kasey- things we don’t seem to get to do during the school year, family day trips to historical places, etc.

And yet, I’ve crossed a lot of things off my list. The Lord seemed to prick my conscience causing me think, “Yes, I’ve crossed a lot off my list, but what have I accomplished for eternity? What really counts? Am I just crossing off items on my list and feeling a false sense of accomplishment or am I making the most of every day and every opportunity to be used of God in the little things?”

For instance, we’ve had a lot of functions this summer- friends showers, weddings, anniversaries, etc. Yes, a lot are crossed off my list, but did I find someone to impact while I attended those things? When at church, did I just sit there or did I find someone to encourage? Am I just crossing off the lists in my life or am I making a difference in God’s scheme of eternity?

I am trying to teach this to my kids as well. Recently Kasey (my 11 yr. old) and I were talking and I encouraged her to have a ministry. There is an older couple in church who we’ve had into our home. He is Vietnam war vet. Kasey is very patriotic and interested in the brave men who’ve fought to secure our freedoms. I was explaining to her how a simple hug can go a long way. She has made it her goal now to seek this couple out in church and give them hugs, cookies, notes, etc.- simple acts of kindness. They absolutely LOVE her and she is able to brighten their lives just by reaching out in small ways. She recently told me when she is a lady and has kids she wants to name her son after this special man. She’s beginning to catch the vision of living a life of service and also reaping the blessings of being people who intentionally look for ways to serve others.

It’s all about our focus. We are here to advance God’s purposes in the lives of those he places us in contact with. Instead of just fulfilling our responsibilities and crossing them off the list, I need to remember to make the most of my time- to speak vision into the lives of the people God has cross my path. We are here to make a difference for eternity- to advance His kingdom and His purposes in our little corner of the world. As we focus on this we will raise kids of vision with driven purpose who sense our time is short and who long to one day hear, “Well done” when we enter into the presence of our Lord. So, as you plan for the school year which is fast approaching, remember you serve our mighty God as you pour yourself into those little lives entrusted to you. You have the most important job on earth!

Successful, Enjoyable, DOABLE Homeschooling: Part 1

2010-08-12T08:51:00.007-04:00

Our Typical School Day

People have often asked me just what "school" looks like in our house. Homeschooling is all about your relationship with your kids. Think about it as you prepare for next school year. Plan to be with your kids as they learn. I never tell my kids to go do their school. I try to get a load of laundry in while they are getting their chores done and then we do schoolwork together; BE IN THE CLASSROOM. One day I went into the living room because I was tired and one-by-one all the kids drifted in to join me—they are so much more motivated if mom is involved.

I assign their work every day and each child moves at his own pace in every subject. When people ask my kids what grade they’re in they will usually answer according to their age, but they’re really in different grades in different subjects. If they’re good in history and love it they might do two or three years’ worth of history in one year. If math is a struggle they might be a grade ”behind where they should be”, but it’s more important to give them confidence. Keep them at a level where they are challenged but not discouraged. When they learn a skill, move on. If they are a great speller there’s no need to give them a list of spelling words to work on all week-If they take the pretest on Monday and get all the words right they don’t need to work on those words all week long. Gear your children’s work to their own needs.

Keep in mind that you don’t need to know everything to teach your kids. It’s good for your kids to watch you learn and struggle, and see how you work it out. When I’m explaining a new concept in, say, math, I will work a problem first while they watch me. Then I’ll watch them do a problem, then send them off to do one by themselves. When they come back to show me the one problem I can see if they got it right. Think how you would feel if you went off and did 15 math problems and made the same mistake in every one—that would be quite discouraging. Most math curricula I’ve seen have far too many problems for a child to do in one day. The reason they do that is to provide busy work for teachers who have different levels of ability in one classroom. When I assign my children’s work I give them 10 or 15 problems a day, and if they get those right and understand them, great—we’ll move and do more the next day. Sometimes we do unit studies, sometimes we don’t. We have read science books on each child’s level on a topic like weather, and at the end of the time they’re studying about that we’ll go to the weather station at the airport. Sometimes it doesn’t work out to go somewhere and I just let them work at their own levels in their science books.

Make school a fun time for your younger children, too. One thing I’ve done that really works is to reserve special materials and projects just for them to do while the older kids do their schoolwork. Now, in the summer, while all the paper, crayons, markers, glue sticks, etc are on sale is the time to stock up. Watch for Staples/Walmart ads to catch the weekly specials from here till early September and stock up on special supplies to profitably occupy your preschooler. We put them away in a special place in the closet so they don’t get bored; they can’t just pull them out and do them all day long. Things like flannel graphs and puzzles, playdough, sorting pre-cut shapes, outlining, lace-and-trace activities—things that are teaching them something.(Here is our list of some suggested activities)

In our house, Dad doesn’t do any of the academic teaching; some dads might, but he just doesn’t have time. What he does do sometimes is to correct the schoolwork for the little ones and encourage them with his attention and a sticker on their papers. During the day they’ll say they want to do a paper just for dad!

I would first of all spend 10 minutes with the little ones while the bigger kids were picking up clutter/doing simple chores. Then, halfway through our morning, while the older kids were snacking, I would again spend approx. 10 minutes with the toddlers/preschoolers. When "school" was over, about noon, I would again spend time reading Bible stories/teaching Scripture verses/character to the little ones while the older ones made sandwiches for lunch. If they KNOW and can depend on time alone with Mom at those specific times, they usually won't be begging for attention all morning long.

People have asked if the Boyers have a quiet classroom. No! I try to squelch distracting talk, but because of the number of children we use three rooms. The kids who are reading will be on the couch in the living room unless it’s something they really need to concentrate on and then they can go to their room. The little kids are in the kitchen doing puzzles and learning activities. The kids who are writing are in the dining room with their workbooks and math, and I rotate from room to room. I find that it requires less time to teach the older kids than the younger ones.Preschoolers and the ones you’re teaching to read are the ones who need the majority of your time and attention. When the older kids get into high school they should be able to be self-motivated. You should be able to show them what you want to accomplish during the year and let them pace themselves, bearing more of the responsibility. The big kids get used to a certain amount of noise from the little ones, and the little ones have to learn to hold it down.

Remember to plan for some fun things- special trips to the orchard, museums, recipes to make fun seasonal foods, craft projects, etc. Kids have to learn to do some things they don't like to do, but remember a little fun makes everything more palatable and memorable.

~Marilyn

2 New Recipes

2010-08-04T22:16:00.007-04:00

Chocolate Zucchini Bread

Baked Chicken

"Remembering Josh"...Part 3: Savor the Season

2010-08-04T19:56:00.007-04:00

Today would have been our son, Josh's, 31st birthday. This first article was written by Rick, just a couple of months after Josh died from leukemia. I have followed it up at the end with some thoughts of my own as I reflect on his life today.

~Marilyn

“Victory in Jesus” – The Life of a Home-School Teen By Rick Boyer

(From “Our Readers Write” feature, The Teaching Home, May/June 1997)

Oh, how I love my boy!

He was born August 5, 1979. We named him Joshua Andrew Boyer – Joshua, meaning God Is My Salvation, and Andrew, meaning Man of God.

As a little boy, Josh saw humor everywhere. He laughed at everything, including himself. Not overburdened with coordination, he did some things so awkwardly that he was sometimes laughed at by others. Rather than being wounded, Josh laughed too.

The chubby, round-faced toddler metamorphosed into a gangling preteen and then a tall, skinny teenager.

When his three older brothers were out of the house and on the job with Dad, Josh became Mom’s right-hand man. He was her chauffeur and errand boy. He was the mainstay of the yard and garden crew, as well as keeping up with his “school” work and helping to supervise the activities of his younger siblings.

Josh’s favorite of those siblings was Tucker, 3. Many teenage boys can’t be bothered with little brothers, but not so with Josh. They were special buddies, and often Tuck could be found riding around with Josh in his truck and, when Josh was sick, sitting in his tiny recliner right next to Josh’s big one.

Normal attire for Josh was blue jeans, a flannel shirt, and cowboy boots. He was in his glory when baling hay or milking cows on my uncle’s Ozark farm.

Having finished his studies, Josh took a job doing lawn care for a few months, then started a similar business of his own. He saved his money and paid cash for a truck, mowers, and other equipment. Everything was coming up roses for Josh.

Then Josh got sick.

In August Josh complained that he was having persistent headaches and sometimes felt weak and dizzy. The doctors suspected a sinus infection or possibly mono. Then blood test results came back: Leukemia. Suddenly our world was turned upside down.

Josh was admitted to the hospital at the University of Virginia, an hour and a half away in Charlottesville. We were told that with Josh’s type of illness, he had a 75 percent chance of a cure. We would learn that God had other plans.

Despite everything, God gave my wife and me peace. Likewise with our son. Once I asked Josh if he was scared. He was sleepy with drugs, but managed to reply, “The word is not in my vocabulary.”

Josh lost his hair, but not his sense of humor. He lost his privacy, but not his dignity. He lost his physical strength, but not his strength of character. He lost his appetite, but not his testimony. He lost his comfort, but not his compassion.

On one of several occasions when the doctor had to tell Josh that another treatment had failed, Josh replied, “It must be hard for you to have to give people bad news all the time.”

On Saturday, March 22, 1997, Josh left for heaven. He had been born at home, educated at home, and he died at home. I hugged and kissed my son, full of praise to the Lord for lifting him out of his sufferings with His beloved, nail-pierced hands. Relief, gratitude, joy, love, exaltation swirled through me, and I couldn’t do much but repeat, “Oh, praise Jesus!” over and over.

We were determined the public memorial service would be a time of rejoicing. Several people shared testimonies concerning the work they had seen God do in and through Josh’s life. The pastor gave a clear presentation of the gospel.

There was special music, including a quartet comprised in part of two of Josh’s brothers. We sang no dirges, but songs of triumph. We closed the service with “Victory in Jesus.”

We know of 12 people who have received Christ as Savior partly due to Josh’s influence. Many others have said they are closer to the Lord for having agonized and prayed for Josh. A number have been challenged, encouraged, and convicted by Josh’s testimony.

Josh’s homegoing is still so recent that I can’t write about it without tears. But, for the most part, they are tears of joy. We miss our son, but we know that he is finished with suffering forever and is in the presence of the One whom we ourselves long to see.

We didn’t get to keep Josh for threescore and ten, but that was never promised. We’re thankful for 17 years with a great son. God’s grace is sufficient, and not once since Josh got sick has He allowed us to fear the outcome, to grow bitter, or to doubt that our God acts not only in all power, but in all love.

We miss our boy. But soon we’ll be with him and with the Lord. Until then, may God give us that loved Josh the grace to take what we have learned from his life and his death and forge ahead. There is work to be done and battles to be fought for the Kingdom of God. To Him be all glory and praise forever!

~Rick

That's been 13 years ago. Hard to believe. Josh would be 31 years old. He remains 17 in my mind. God has brought about many wonderful things in the lives of others as a result of Josh's testimony and for that I am so thankful. I have a peace that we did the job with Josh that God wanted us to do, and he is safely in heaven awaiting our arrival there. He always was wanting to be the first in the family to do things. I know he'll be showing us all around heaven when we join him one day.

We are all more focused people to have had the experience we had with Josh. Time is short and forever is eternal. It constantly reminds me that we need to spend the time we have left on earth accomplishing things for the Lord Jesus. We are here for a purpose. It also is a constant reminder to me that I don't know how long I'll have with any of my kids. Let us remember that relationships we build here with our kids will last forever as we spend it in eternity together. When you're tempted to be upset about temporal irritations, remember, the heart of your child is so much more important and we need to invest our time in building little lives that will honor and serve their Savior. Savor the Season

Marilyn

Part 2- Savor the Season: Meditations from the Grocery Store

2010-08-04T19:46:00.004-04:00

Well, it was Monday again….grocery day….already. My children are 6, 4, and 3 months. My older two are generally pretty good at the grocery story, a little talkative, perhaps, but well-behaved. The newest addition to our family, however, does not like any form of shopping. Usually within five minutes of stepping into the grocery store, little James has had enough of his seat and the shuffle of holding a baby, pulling the cart, sorting coupons, and checking the grocery list begins. And all the while, Cass and Adam are chattering incessantly. I must admit, it’s not my favorite time of the week.

Around this time, a sweet older couple came toward us in the produce section. As older folk usually do, they smiled sweetly at my children and then at me, and watched us. “I remember those days” one of them said. “Enjoy those little ones- they grow up SO fast”. I could almost see the memories of their own children, now grown, flash through their minds as they looked on me and my little clan. I always appreciate these comments. I thought about it throughout the store.

Finally, I found myself ready to check-out. While waiting for the grand total, a girl (I’m guessing in her 20s?) and a young guy were bagging the groceries and carrying on their own conversation. They were discussing a pending job change. He asked her what she was planning on doing. Her answer: “I don’t know, but I’m not gonna just be a housewife!” He chuckled, “knowingly”, as if that really would be the worst option out there. She continued, repeating her statement a time or two. She went on to say that she had tried that housewife thing before and was just bored and got fat because she was bored.

Well, part of me almost felt somewhat offended, since I was standing right there, obviously a ‘housewife’ myself, with my three little ones in tow in the middle of the morning. But then, my mind was reminded of the comments from the older couple at the beginning of my shopping trip, and I was struck with an amazing contrast.

Here was a young married woman who thought that being a housewife- just a mom- was a boring life, something to be despised, something to ‘get away from’.

But just a few minutes before, I was so encouraged by that older man and woman who had lived through my stage of life, and learned some things, like, instead of wishing away frustrating shopping trips, grasp even those occasions, and find the special moment in them. Enjoy the times that you are given every day- they are moving fast! Just about every time I go to the store, older people will say similar things to me. It’s probably happened to many of you, too. The people with the wisdom gained from experience say enjoy it now, cherish them, don’t wish it away, these are precious memories. The young woman, focused more on what pleases her, and under the influence of a culture that belittles “just being a housewife” tries to run from it and do all she can to not be “tied down”. In an article I wrote about a year ago, I mentioned the amazing fact to me that almost all adults whose children are grown, will say that they miss it so much- the stage I am in right now. The stage that can feel so overwhelming sometimes is the very stage they wish for, when their children were young. If so many of them say the same thing, I think that is a good signal for us parents to stop and learn from them. (See the article Cherish the Moments)

On my way out the store, my heart ached for that young woman, because I feared she may look back one day in the years to come and wish for the chance to ‘just be a housewife’ again.

While tossing all this over in my mind, another thought came to me that seemed to stop me in my tracks. It was this: “Do I make “being a housewife” or a mom, attractive to the world? When people like that young woman see me in the grocery store, frazzled and hurried, do they see someone acting and reacting with God-given grace and love toward my children, someone who is a peace with this season of life God has placed me in? Or do they see me in those stressful moments acting and reacting with a short-temper, curt words, anger, and irritation, with a sour expression, and an attitude that clearly says “I AM NOT happy”. All too often, I fear I fall to the latter. If that’s what others see from us with children, Christians, no wonder they don’t desire to ‘be like us’, to ‘just be a housewife’. I was reminded that day that I am a witness to the gospel of Christ, not just by my words, but in deed. People really are watching. Titus 2 says that we are to be lovers of our husbands and children, discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, kind. And why? So that God’s Word would not be dishonored. When I fail to act according to God’s word, I bring dishonor to the gospel.

My prayer that day, as I drove out of the parking lot of the grocery store, was that when people observe me with my children, wherever I am, that I would make being a mom, a keeper at home, the GOSPEL attractive, and that, by my actions, I would not turn someone the other way.

~Kari Boyer

What Can Your Child Learn From Uncle Rick Audios?

2010-07-31T09:40:00.001-04:00

Letter from a Mom:

As I was preparing to leave for the Homeschool Convention today, I was telling my 5 year old son that I was going to see Uncle Rick on my trip. He was speechless for a second, his mouth gaped open, and he said, "The real Uncle Rick? Are you going to see his real face?" He couldn't believe I was going to get to see the real person who he hears every night as he goes to sleep. After talking a bit, he started telling me how much he loved Uncle Rick and all the things he knew from listening to your CD's . So I wrote down what he said, word for word, just so you could see what an impact you have made in one child's life.

"I like his scripture CD's because they tell about Jesus and I really like that it pauses and he does stuff so that you know what it means."

"My favorite is James because I like it soooo much and it keeps pausing/stopping to describe what it means....like words I don't even know. And I enjoy listening to Matthew, but I've had that one long enough that I know it all.

"I like to do Uncle Rick at nighttime. It is my favorite time."

"I would like to buy a big case of them."

"Does he make the CD's at night?" (because I listen to them at night)

"I really like the time when it talks about the farmer whacking off dead branches-the evil ones he clips off and the good ones he leaves on the plant."

"I like it when he pauses and talks about grafting apple trees.

"I remember when he said about who we should go along with and people we should not."

"When bad people try to get you to go along with them, don't go along."

"Solomon wrote a lot of Proverbs and all of Ecclesiastes."

"The rich aren't worth anymore than the poor man to God. The famous and powerful don't impress God at all. He loves the poor and miserable and people like me who might not be all that smart."

"If you have a trial, you shouldn't say I am tempted of God, or I am tempted by God."

"It is much easier to get in a problem than get out of one."

"If you do something bad, sooner or later God will give you a spiritual spanking."

And he kept going and going, telling more and more about what he had learned just from listening to the CD's at night.

I think the ministry you provide for families is incredible. I tell everyone I know about the Scripture CD's your make and about your books as well. I have used your family and what I've read from your books as a guide in so many ways as to how we are raising our family. I am so grateful to be able to learn from your wisdom and creative ideas. I think it is so wonderful how God has used you to help Christian families like mine become stronger in the Lord, raise godly children of integrity, and practically live out Deuteronomy 6 in our everyday life. Thank you for having the biggest impact on my family and me in the spiritual development of our children."

Stephanie

Savor the Season...by Rick Boyer

2010-07-29T08:21:00.004-04:00

If anybody ever invents a time machine, I want the first one off the assembly line. I’ll have a thousand things I want to do. I’ll explore history and find out what really happened on a number of occasions. I’ll return to my childhood and try to make peace with some of the hard things that happened to me, and also revisit the happier times at Granddad’s farm with my cousins. But the very first thing I’ll do when I get behind the wheel of that time machine is to go back to when my children were little.

Oh, what I’d give to see my grown sons as little boys again! I used to get bored sometimes with pulling them in the wagon or pushing them on the swings, but I’d give a quart of blood to be able to do it one more time. I don’t think now I could ever tire of it. To carry them on my shoulders again; to tickle them until they screamed. And ah, the luxury of having nobody in the house who knew that Dad wasn’t perfect (that is, except Mom). To be able to hug and kiss my boys without embarrassing them. I appreciated what I had back then. But now I know I should have appreciated it more.

Back in my beloved house painting days, I was working on a big house for a nice old widow named Mrs. Holt. It was the summer of 1979 and I was sweating away in the sun when my wife dropped by the job on her way home from a prenatal visit to the doctor. I climbed down off my ladder to hear the news. Marilyn was due to deliver soon and I wondered what the doctor had said.

“He said I’d better hurry up and get home,” she told me. “Said it could come any time.”

We were planning our second home birth. Marilyn had been treated so callously at the hospital when Tim was born that I vowed I’d never take her there to give birth again. So, third son Nathan was born at home, much to the shock of our neighbor, Sandy, across the street. I’d walked across to tell her the news that the baby had come and she didn’t believe it. I wouldn’t be that calm, she said. She’d come over in a few minutes and see for herself.

I wish I’d had my camera ready. I’d love to have a shot of Sandy’s face when Marilyn first threw the covers back and showed tiny Nate beside her.

When Marilyn had driven away from the job that summer day, she’d agreed to call me immediately if ‘Number Four’ gave her any strange sensations before my regular time to arrive home. Mrs. Holt stopped to chat with me a few minutes later. When I told her it looked like a new little one would be along soon, she smiled.

“You’re a rich man, Mr. Boyer,” she said warmly.

And I was. And I am. But it’s striking how often I forget and have to be reminded that I really am wealthy. Sometimes, I feel sort of poor. I’ve long suspected that whoever said that the best things in life are free never paid an obstetrician’s bill.

In the early days of our parenthood, it sometimes seemed that life would go on forever as it was going then. We’d never have any money, we’d never have a child old enough to babysit the siblings, we’d never have air conditioning in the house or own a dependable car. I was so tense as a young man that I made life harder for myself and for those I loved. I let the stresses of life rob me of a lot. Ben Franklin was right when he said that there’s “no putting an old man’s head on a young man’s shoulders.” Still, I’m irritated with myself for letting seasons go by without fully tasting the days.

I’ve heard Marilyn say that life was tougher when she had three children than it was with eight, because when she had only three, there were no big helpers. Two were in diapers, and first-born Rickey was a little fireball. Now, our youngest is almost a teenager and we have young adults in the house who pretty much run the home operation for us. We are also blessed with some wonderful children-in-law and grandchildren, but the extra needs of the family are felt, too. It takes a tremendous expenditure of time, finances and effort to do what we do.

But by now we know that it won’t always be this way. We’ve had better times and worse times and probably both kinds will visit us again. All we know for sure is that everything that comes to pass, passes.

And a lot has passed. Baby Nate now is a big man with a wife and children of his own. He had a younger brother who was also born in the little yellow house. We named him Josh, and we lost him to heaven through leukemia seventeen years later. And today we have fourteen children, four children-in-law and eight wonderful grandchildren. And we’ve lived long enough to know that everybody’s grandchildren are wonderful.

I may be weird, but I sometimes think about the day I’ll die. If I’m conscious, I’ll have a lot to reflect upon. I think I’ll be happy to go, because I want to see Jesus. And I want to see Josh. It will be sweet. But before I go, I’ll be thinking about the sweet times I’ve had down here and giving thanks.

There must be very few people on earth who are as rich as I am. That is, if riches are to be measured by how many people you love and who love you in return. On my last day on earth, I will be counting my wealth in terms of memories. I will remember sunny days with a propane grill and a back yard full of happy people, all of my own blood. I’ll remember watching my children dance around the kitchen to lively Christmas music with their nieces and nephews. I’ll remember pushing my kids on the swing and in later years, watching them push their kids. I’ll remember tubing down a mountain river with my children and grandchildren around me in a jolly flotilla.

Bill Gates, eat your heart out.

If you’re a young parent with young children, your life isn’t easy. That’s why God gives you those responsibilities while you have the energy of youth with which to handle it all. If you don’t mind a friendly word of advice from a guy who has spent the last few decades trading energy for experience, I’d ask you to stop and smell the roses. They’re right there in front of you—in your preschooler’s cheeks. Beware of the tendency to get wrapped up in getting everything done; it will never be all done. This season of your life, like every season of life, will pass before you know it. Savor it while it’s here. Turn off the vacuum cleaner for a minute and go hug your kids.

~Rick

Family Pictures Summer '10

2010-07-14T15:51:00.001-04:00

Prayer Request Update

2010-07-02T09:24:00.002-04:00

The Boyers and Browns want to thank all of you for your prayers- what a wonderful thing the family of God is.
Walt went home to be with his Savior yesterday afternoon.
Praise the Lord that nothing separates us from His love. His Grace is sufficient and is able to carry us through the hardest of circumstances- without it, where would we be and how could we stand?
Please continue to pray for the family during this time of mourning.